So it's hurricane season again, the time of year when we are expected to cringe and shudder at the approach of storms with terrifying names like Alex, Beth, Rodney, and Wilma. No wonder people don't evacuate - how are we supposed to take storms with names like Hurricane Betsy and Hurricane Bob seriously?
Here are my nominees for more colorful hurricane names.
- Hurricane Barney. As long as preachers assure us that homosexuality is the reason God has to keep sending hurricanes, shouldn't we give them gay names?
- Hurricane Bubba. Because you know the first place the storm is headed is the nearest trailer park.
- Hurricane (Tom) Cruise. Huge, spinning out of control, and has a tendency to destroy everything it comes in contact with.
- Hurricane D'Niqua. Once it moves into your neighborhood, there go the property values.
- Hurricane Dick. How much fun would it be to watch all the network weathermen on tenderhooks, terrified of unintentional double entendres? ("Hurricane Dick is coming ... I mean, approaching! approaching!")
- Hurricane Disney. Sure to consume whatever's left of Florida
- Hurricane Fluffy. Just because "Hurricane Fluffy" makes me smile.
- Hurricane Godzilla. Everyone get out of your cars and start running ...!
- Hurricane Harper. That's a clown storm name, bro
- Hurricane Jack (Sparrow). They both spawn in the Caribbean and reliably plague the U.S. every summer.
- Hurricane Job. In honor of a man who knew a little something-something about God's wrath
- Hurricane Jose. Sure to inflict enormous economic damage if allowed to cross our borders.
- Hurricane Kyoto. Payback is a bitch.
- Hurricane Limbaugh. One blowhard deserves another.
- Hurricane Mary. Sure to spawn hail storms.
- Hurricane Thor. As long as we're going to get hammered, might as well have some fun with it.
- Hurricane Woody. Can't you just imagine the headline: "Hurricane Woody Nails Georgia!"