20+ Tips for Living With a Teacher

Few jobs impact marriage the way that teaching does. Forget boundaries: teaching is one of those careers that delights not just in blurring them, but erasing them entirely.  Here are some tips that may help you cope: 

1.  Never throw away those Back to School sales flyers! In the weeks leading up to the new school year, you will be dragged to every store in a 10mile radius offering loss-leaders like 10 cent composition notebooks
2. Thou shalt not touch the Flair pens.  They are for grading papers. They are NOT for borrowing.
3. Don’t expect dinner or cleaning services around the end of the quarter or semester. For that matter, don’t expect company or conversation. A teacher in grading mode is basically as accessible as a coma patient
4. Do not, under any circumstances, begrudge us our summer vacation, or expect us to work through our summer vacation. We earn our vacation the way soldiers returning from the front have earned shore leave.
5. When we return from school in the afternoon, we don’t want to talk about our day. At least not yet. What we really want is 20-30 mins of blissful, peaceful silence. (After that, however, brace yourself – once we start talking about our day, the anecdotes tend to just keep coming.)
6.  Just pretend you understand all the acronyms we spout. It will speed up conversations.
7. Unless you have experienced the thankless task of writing a sub plan that anticipates every possible nightmare classroom scenario, don’t bother trying to convince us not to go into work unless we are actually attached by tubes to hospital equipment
8. We may not be able to figure out how to use the new grading software the county recently hoisted on us, but there’s not a copy machine in the world we can’t fix
9. If we could have brushed the glitter off our clothes at school instead of getting it all over the car, we would have
10. No need to feed us the last 2 weeks before Christmas break – we’ll be surviving entirely on plates of cookies brought to us by our students as gifts, peace offerings, and or bribes.
11. Accept that we will never see anything wrong or embarrassing about wearing novelty math ties and/or DNA earrings in public.  Because, secretly, we all see ourselves as Ms. Frizzle.
12. Accept that, starting 7-10 days before before the slightest chance of snow, we will be glued to the weather channel like Susan Lucci waiting for the list of Golden Globe nominees to be announced.
13. Pretend you don’t mind when we correct your grammar. It’s like a tic; we literally can’t help ourselves.
14. Prepare for the fact that every time you go out shopping there’s the chance we may end up entrapped in a spontaneous parent teacher conference. (Tip: If, while running errands we suddenly stage-whisper “Quick – duck into the next aisle!” … don’t delay, don’t ask questions – just GO.)
15. Friday nights are NOT date nights.  Friday nights are “go to bed as early as humanly possible” nights. Sunday nights are not date nights either: they are “prepare our battle plans for tomorrow” nights.  Saturdays are the sweet spot – snatch them up before they’re donated to grading!
16. Speaking of date nights, get used to spending at least part of outing running into our students. For some reason, date nights attract students like honey attracts bees – the more romantic the occasion, the more times the two of you will be interrupted by students squealing our names like they just spotted Beyonce
17. You may want to stockpile extra wine in advance of the following occasions: full moons, the day before Christmas break, the day after Halloween, and the last day of school
18. Don’t even try to out-anecdote us. No matter how outrageous that thing that happened to you at the office today, we can top that.
19. Don’t make us use our teacher voice
20. Just accept that every mug in the cabinet will be emblazoned with either the school's logo or some variation on "World's Best Teacher."
21. We’ll spend all year yearning for the end of school, then spend all summer preparing for the next school year. Just accept it.
22. Thou shalt not mock the salary. We know it sucks. We appreciate not being reminded that it sucks.

Most Romantic Movies Ever Made

What exactly makes a movie "romantic"? Is it romantic tension or sexual tension (or both)? Also, how are you supposed to compare classic explorations of love like West Side Story with frivolous romantic comedies like Sleepless in Seattle?  I've decided that the only way to be fair and comprehensive is to divide the genre into types, which gives me an excuse to include all my favorites ...

1. Star Crossed Lovers. The most venerable of all genres, this one has been around since well before Shakespeare penned Romeo & Juliet. Goodness knows why we enjoy being tormented by stories of love and lovers torn tragically asunder, but we do. We love it so much, in fact, that over the years this genre has spawned a host of subgenres, each well-represented by romantic classics.
1. First, there's the Married to Someone Else subgenre, as represented by Casablanca, Out of Africa, Bridges of Madison County, Now Voyager and Frenchman’s Creek. You’re not just crying because of love thwarted, but also because the characters who make the anguished decision to place marriage, duty and honor above their own happiness are just so damned noble.
2. There’s the Dead But Not Forgotten subgenre, in which the lovers are separated by that whole pesky not being alive thing. Think The Ghost & Mrs. Muir and City of Angels. But at least you have the consolation of knowing that eventually the lovers will find themselves on the same side of the Great Veil; and I, for one, like to think that Mrs. Muir is going to have the time of her non-life when finally reunited with the Captain.
3. The granddaddy of them all, however, is definitely the Separated by Class or Race subgenre. It was good enough for Shakespeare, and it was good enough for the directors of such blockbusters as Titanic, West Side Story, Officer and a Gentleman, Pretty Woman, and Dirty Dancing. Tony and Maria, separated by race. Rose and Jack, separated by class (and, eventually, a whole lot of water). Edward and Vivian, separated by the whole legitimate businessman/skanky woman of uncertain virtue thing. For obvious reasons, movies in this category have a tendency to end badly. Tony gets shot. Jack drowns. But sometimes the screenwriters take pity on us and seemingly insurmountable circumstances are surmounted by a grandiose gesture, as when Richard Gere whisks Debra Winger away from her dreary factory life in Officer and a Gentleman, or when he climbs up the ladder to rescue Julie Roberts from her tower. And no one puts Baby in a corner …!
2. Moving On. Who would have thunk it … a whole genre devoted to spouses who die and the loved ones they leave behind. Always. Sleepless in Seattle. Ghost. Truly Madly Deeply.  PS: I Love You. While we all say that we would like our spouses to find a way to be happy if – God forbid – we should predecease them, don’t we really want them to ache for us the way that Holly Hunter aches for Richard Dreyfuss in Always? The way Demi Moore aches for Patrick Swayze in Ghost? The way Juliet Stevenson aches for John Rickman in Truly, Madly, Deeply? Don’t we secretly want them to call radio stations and talk about how unforgettable we were, a la Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle? Of course, after an appropriate amount of time we also want them to nobly give us their blessing to move on … and all the better if moving on means new love in the arms of a hunky, square-chinned Adonis a la Brad Johnson in Always. (Sorry – you guys have to settle for Meg Ryan.)
3. Sweet, Sweet Torment. They simmer. They glare. They brood – oh, how they brood! Nicholas Cage in Moonstruck. Lawrence Olivier as Heathcliff in Wuthering Heights. Not the kind of guys you want to take home to mama, but don’t we all secretly wish that we had the power to drive men mad with desire for us?
4. Bad Boys & the Women Who Love Them. Bad boys, bad boys … whatcha gonna do? They revel in their own irredeemibility, and yet we can’t help loving them. Gone With the Wind's Rhett Butler is an unabashed scoundrel, but did you see anyone else at that ball worth dancing with? Dennis Quaid in The Big Easy is another rascal, but there’s something about that Cajun accent and that wicked smile that makes us willing to forgive him anything.
5. Waiting for them to Figure It Out. Sometimes the romantic tension is there from the start, but it takes a whole movie for one or more of the characters to wise up. In When Harry Met Sally, Harry meets Sally at the beginning of the movie, but it takes a whole reel before he realizes that he is in love with her. And thank goodness for Cuba Gooding Jr.'s performance or I’m not sure any of us would have had the patience to stick around long enough to see Jerry Maguire finally figure things out. For all my irreverent bashing, however, I discover that two of my favorites -- Emma and Strictly Ballroom —fall into this category. We should all be so lucky to have a Mr. Knightly or a Fran out there waiting for us to notice them.
6. Lovin’ the Wrong Man. Related to the previous category but deserving of a category of its own, this one is all about the ones who are in love with Mr. Wrong, while all the time Mr. Right is right there, under their nose, just waiting for them to come to their senses. It’s enough to make you want to reach into the screen and give them a good shaking. At least in While You Were Sleeping and Sabrina, Sandra Bullock and Audrey Hepburn do eventually hook up with the right brother. But what is Julia Ormond’s problem in Legends of the Fall? Okay, so Brad Pitt is gorgeous, but why can’t she see that Aidan Quinn is the only one capable of making her happy?
7. Workin’ My Way Back To You. You have to love a guy willing to jump through hoops to prove that he is worthy of his inamorata’s love. Whether it’s leaving their guitar behind (Goodbye Girls) or reliving the same day over and over again until they get it right (Groundhog Day) or possessing the desperation (not to mention the upper arm strength) to hold an enormous boombox over their heads while Peter Gabriel croons In Your Eyes (Say Anything), there’s something irresistably compelling about a man who wants your love badly enough to work for it. (Be honest now – doesn’t hearing that Peter Gabriel song on the radio still make you want to take Lloyd Dobler to bed?)
8. Save Me, I’m Yours. Of all the genres, I confess a weak spot for this one. It may be primitive, but give me a guy with courage, strength, and moral fiber and I will go weak at the knees every time. (And if he happens to be wearing a loincloth, a breastplate, or a mask, my bodice may just bust of its own accord.) Daniel Day Lewis in Last of the Mohicans. (“Stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you.” – Oh, you will find me – I’ll make sure of that.) Russell Crowe in Gladiator. (“Leave this place and never think of me again.” If he really meant it, then he shouldn’t contrive to look so damn good-looking in that torn tunic.) Cary Elwes in Princess Bride. (“As you wish.” Enough said.) Be still my beating heart.
9. Going, Going, Gone. Man meets lady. Man and lady fall in love. Man (or lady) falls sick and dies. The end. While a part of me resents movies in this category for being unabashedly manipulative, some of them are so well done that I find myself able to forgive them, even as I am reaching for the nearest box of tissues. Love Story. Finding Neverland. Hint: If a characters coughs early in the movie, assume they’re a goner and start emotionally preparing for the inevitable.

Want to suggest a movie I’ve neglected, or propose a category that I may have overlooked? Let me hear from you!

50+ Romance Novel Obstacles to True Love

This is yet another one of those blog entries that stems from a conversation with girlfriends.  Discussing the  particularly preposterous plot of a recent popular romance series (hint: time travel and kilts), it occurred to us that all romance plots are inherently a little preposterous, if only because of the necessity for manufacturing some obstacle to keep the lovers separated long enough to generate a plot.  After all, where’s the fun in lovers finding each other in the first chapter and living happily ever after?   Where’s the sexual tension, where’s the suspense, where’s the glorious frisson when love finally triumphs over all obstacles placed in its path?

In real life, obstacles to True Love tend to be, well, boring: personality conflicts, parental objections, money.  Fortunately, romance writers are much more creative – it’s hard to imagine a tragedy, complication, misunderstanding or act of villainy that they haven’t enlisted in the cause of thwarting the course of True Love.  Nor would we want it any other way.

Following is the list we whimsically initiated that day, with sample books/movies supplied when we could think of them.   If you’re a romance writer in search of inspiration for conflicts, help yourself.  Otherwise, enjoy the opportunity to celebrate the sheer scope, creativity, and venerable cheesiness of these familiar, beloved romance tropes:

 Separated by social forces/conventions

1. Separated by religion.  Is there an easier way to torment your lovers than by having one of them come from a Catholic family, the other from a Protestant family?  Or doom one to be raised in an Amish community while the other is an avowed Outsider?  Might de Boise-Guilbert and Rebecca (Ivanhoe) have lived happily ever after if it hadn’t been for whole the “I’m a Christian crusader, you’re a Jew” objection? 
2. Separated by economic status.  God help the rich man or woman who gives their heart to someone with a heart of gold but a purse of dust, for their relatives are sure to throw a hissy.  (Sense & Sensibility, Persuasion)
3. Separated by social status.  Because everyone knows ogres can’t be permitted to fall in love with princesses (Shrek), businessmen can’t be allowed to fall in love with prostitutes (Pretty Woman), and girls of good family can’t go around lusting after brooding stableboys (Wuthering Heights).
4. Separated by race/nationality.  Sadly, his may be the only one on the list that actually occurs more often in real life than in books, though it’s a reliable trope in Bollywood movies where dishy Indian protagonists are forever falling in love with unsuitable Westerners.
5. Separated by age.  Can either take the form of protagonists too young to marry or a doomed May/December romance (Big, Lost in Translation, Harold and Maude, Moonrise Kingdom).
6. Separated by business interests.  One’s a cop, one’s a famous jewel thief (To Catch a Thief); or, one’s the owner of the business, the other’s a secretary (Working Girl); or, one owns a conglomerate, the other owns an independent shop (You’ve Got Mail). Can True Love triumph over job conflicts?
7. Separated by feud.  Romeo and Juliet.  That’s all we need to say about that.
8. Separated by politics.  A standard conflict in historical romances, especially those that involve civil wars.

 Separated by intellectual/emotional differences

1. Separated by ideas. He’s a liberal (environmentalist, activist, social worker), she’s a conservative (business executive, lawyer) – can they do a better job than Congress of overcoming their ideological differences? (The Way We Were)
2.  Separated by emotions.  He’s brazen, she’s shy (Mansfield Park); he’s uptight, she’s quirky (basically anything starring Meg Ryan); she’s a brain, he’s a slacker (Say Anything).  Apparently opposites do attract – just not until the final chapter.
3. Separated by temperament. They can’t live with each other, but it turns out they can’t live without each other either (His Girl Friday).

 Separated by circumstances

1.  Separated by prior obligations.  “I cannot marry you as I have, alas, been promised to another!”  Especially common in historical romances, back when parents arranged their childrens’ marriages based on political, social, and business considerations (Sense & Sensibility, Shakespeare in Love).
2. Separated by an inconvenient marriage.  Because nothing crushes budding love like a mad woman in the attic (Jane Eyre), a coma wife, or that rash decision made when you were still young and impressionable (Casablanca, Bridges of MadisonCounty).
3. Separated by loyalty/duty.  How do you choose between friendship, loyalty, duty, and love? (My Best Friend’s Wedding; Lancelot & Guinevere in Le Morte de Arthur)
4. Separated by profession. One (or both) have jobs that constantly separate them (celebrities, athletes, musicians, interpreters, art restorers, foreign correspondents) and often involve romantic temptations.
5. Separated by DNA. Lovers discover they are tragically related to each other – cousins, or a brother/sister separated at birth.
6. Separated by artifice. One (or both) are entangled in a sham marriages (or engagements)  (While You Were Sleeping).
7. Separated by world events. The course of true love is interrupted by a crisis: war (Last of the Mohicans), plague, or the ever-popular captured by pirates (The Princess Bride).
8. Separated by tragedy. The course of true love is interrupted by a major life event or tragedy: a death in the family, a political setback, or a sudden change in economic circumstances (an inheritance or bankruptcy).

 Separated by deliberate interference

1. Separated by rivals. The course of true love is interrupted by a jealous rival or other interested party (Antony & Cleopatra, Snow White).
2. Separated by competing agendas. The course of true love is interrupted by friends/family members with their own agendas.  Because nothing’s as insidious as the manipulations of someone your characters erroneously trust but who is in fact motivated by greed, selfishness, and/or revenge (A Separate Peace, Othello).
3. Separated by trial. One lover must successfully complete a quest or deed to earn the attention and favor of their inamorata (Ivanhoe).

Separated by supernatural forces. 

1. Separated by time.  The lovers somehow contrived to meet across time but are doomed forever to be parted by the eras that separate them (The Time-Traveller’s Wife, Outlander).
2. Separated by mortality.  One lover’s a mortal, the other’s a ghost; a guaranteed tear-jerker of a conflict (Ghost, The Ghost & Mrs. Muir).
3. Separated by species.  Because nothing’s quite so fraught with complications as falling in love with a creature of an entirely incompatible species – say, a vampire, werewolf, mermaid or fairy (Twilight series, Edward Scissorhands).
4. Separated by destiny.   A superstition, omen, or prophecy keeps the lovers separated – you’ll find this one in medieval romances and some fantasy/sci fi.

Separated by noble sentiments

1. Separated by self-denial. One lover nobly eschews romance because they are secretly suffering from a wasting illness, a mental disorder, a drug addiction, or some other depressing malady.  Damn their scruples!
2. Separated by a Terrible Secret. One lover nobly eschews romance because they possess a Terrible Secret that will prevent them from having children (a genetic disorder; a previous trauma that prevents conception).
3. Separated by honor. One lover nobly eschews romance because they were Tragically Orphaned At Birth (or, alternatively, suffering amnesia) and don’t feel they can honorably enter into a marriage without knowing the full details of their own parentage/heritage.  An honorable old Dickensian trope.
4. Separated by nobility. One lover nobly eschews romance because the object of their amour is obviously vulnerable, damaged, or for some other reason unable to rationally evaluate their decision to enter into a relationship.
5. Separated by sacrifice. One lover adores the other so completely, they’re willing to sacrifice their happiness to help the other (City Lights).

Separated by insecurity

1. Separated by poor self-esteem. One lover deliberately eschews the other because they don’t believe they’re worthy of love, possibly because they feel themselves too plain (Jane Eyre)  or too damaged (Moonstruck).
2. Separated by professional jealousy. One lover becomes jealous of the professional successes of the other (A Star is Born).
3. Separated by isolation. Lovers fall in love in absentia – perhaps via mail, email, phone calls, letters in trees, or letters in bottles – then become afraid to meet lest their hopes be dashed.

Separated by vocation or calling

1. Separated by ambition. One lover deliberately eschews love/marriage in order to pursue a vocation or calling (The Natural, It’s a Wonderful Life).
2. Separated by vocation. One lover takes a vow of celibacy/chastity, either as part of a profession of faith or as a vow to god in exchange for some great favor (The Thorn Birds).
3. Separated by social convention. One (or both) are trapped in careers where lovers and/or spouses could make things inconvenient  (Elizabeth the Queen, The American President).

Separated by unsuitability

1. Separated by worthiness. One of the lovers (or both) must modify some character defect in order to deserve the other (Mr. Darcy & Elizabeth in Pride & Prejudice; Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind; Bill Murray in Groundhog Day; Han Solo in Star Wars).
2. Separated by entanglement. One of the lovers must free themselves from  an unsuitable entanglement (for example, that girlfriend/boyfriend who is only using them for their money/their influence/to make someone else jealous) in order to become available to the other.  (Jane Eyre)
3. Separated by prejudice. One of the lovers must overcome a preconceived prejudice against the other (Pride & Prejudice, Cyrano de Bergerac, Ms. Congeniality).

Separated by memories of love

1. Separated by mourning. One lover deliberately throws obstacles in the path of romance because they’re not yet over a previous romance – even better if their first love died under sudden and tragic circumstances (Always, Sleepless in Seattle).
2. Separated by psychological scars. One lover deliberately eschews romance because they still bear psychological scars from their last traumatic romantic entanglement (Rebecca).

Separated by blindness

1. Trapped in the "Friend Zone." Friends fall gradually in love (Harry Potter).
2. Separated by Temper. Enemies or rivals fall gradually in love (All’s Well That Ends Well, It Happened One Night, When Harry Met Sally).
3. Separated by Unrequited Love.  One minute he’s in your “friend zone,” the next moment you’re realizing he’s Mr. Right (Emma, Jerry Maguire, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Kermit the Frog & Ms. Piggy).

Separated by deception

1. Separated by Subterfuge. One of the lovers is living a secret life - spy, fugitive, superhero - that they are not at liberty to disclose (Batman, Spiderman, Zorro).
2. Separated by Impersonation. One lover is pretending to be someone they’re not.  This is one of Shakespeare’s favorite tropes; there’s almost always someone passing as someone else, and usually as someone of the opposite sex.

Separated by a BIG MISUNDERSTANDING. 

1. Separated by Misunderstanding. And finally, the granddaddy of them all, the “Big Misunderstanding” – where one lover mistakenly believes the other lover has somehow let them down (White Christmas), or there’s an outside force preventing them from pledging themselves to another, but by the time the last chapter rolls around, all the misapprehensions have been dispelled, clearing the way for True Love to triumph.

40 secular messages of condolence

I have unfortunately reached the time in my life when writing condolence cards is becoming a regular necessity.  This is made all the more difficult by the fact that I don't affiliate with any particular religion, so many of the conventional/reliable expressions of sympathy (ex: "I will keep you and your family in my prayers") are inappropriate.  Have been adding to the list of sentiments below from some years now; only just occurred to me that others might be sharing my difficulties and appreciate the fruits of my labors.

1. I/we were shocked/saddened/grieved/devastated to learn of the passing of ____________
2. My/Our heart/hearts are heavy/filled with sorrow at the news of ________'s passing. 
3. I/we want you to know that we/I are so very/terribly sorry to hear about the passing of _____________. 
4. Word’s cannot express the sadness/sorrow/grief we feel for you as you deal with the death of ____________.
5. I/We grieve the passing of such a _________* person (*remarkable, admirable, kindhearted, talented, admired, unforgettable, fun-loving, funny, wonderful, well-loved, lovely, sweet, gentle, generous, honorable, respected, caring, hardworking, strong, energetic)
6. I/we will miss _________ too.
7. I/we extend to you my/our love/heartfelt sorrow/deepest condolences at this difficult time
8. My/our hearts and sympathy go out to you at this difficult time.
9. My/Our most sincere condolences.
10. Thinking of you and your family in this time of sorrow.
11. I/We join you in mourning the passing of ____________ .
12. May the heartfelt condolences and sympathy of those who love you bring you comfort during this painful time. 
13. May you be consoled by the fact that __________ was cherished by those who were lucky enough to know him/her, and will love on in their memories.
14. May affectionate/enduring memories of ________ bring you comfort during this difficult time.
15. May the care and love of those around you provide comfort and peace to get you through/help you endure the hard/difficult/painful days ahead.
16. I/we wish you serenity and peace during this difficult time
17. May he/she rest in peace.
18. The loss of someone dear to us is never easy, but may you take comfort in the fact that you are surrounded by people that love and care for you.
19.  _______ will live on in the hearts and memories of the people who, like us, loved/admired/respected him/her.
20. It was an honor/privilege/blessing to have known such a remarkable/admirable/kind/gentle person.
21. We join you in celebrating the rich/distinguished/unconventional/remarkable life of _____________
22. _________ will truly be missed by all of who knew him/her.
23. I/we send my/our love and sympathy in hopes that they will be of some comfort to you.
24. Losing someone we love is never easy, but the gift of having  known ________, of having been fortunate enough to share his/her life, is a blessing that even death cannot deprive us of.
25. If there is comfort to be found in this difficult time, perhaps it is in knowing that _________ (1) lived a long/rich/remarkable life; (2) is finally relieved of their suffering; (3) finally rests in peace.
26. May you find comfort in the fact that _____________ will be remembered with love and respect by those they have left behind.
27. Wishing you peace to bring comfort, courage to face the days ahead, and loving memories to forever hold in your heart.
28. Hold tight to memories for comfort, lean on your friends and family for strength, and always remember how much you are loved.
29. After the tears have dried and the goodbyes have been said, the memories we've shared with our loved ones continue to live on, providing comfort/remembrance/reassurance.
30. Today and always, may loving memories bring you peace, comfort, and strength.
31. Our time on this earth is short, sometimes far too short, but no life leaves the lives of those that have loved them unmarked.
32. Grant but memory to us, and we lose nothing by death. -Whittier, My Summer with Dr. Singleton
33. Though nothing can bring back the hour of splendor in the grass, of glory in the flower, We will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind. ~William Wordsworth
34. Like a bird singing in the rain, let grateful memories survive in time of sorrow. ~Robert Louis Stevenson
35. Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality. ~Emily Dickinson
36. There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart. ~Gandhi
37. For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity. - William Penn
38. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal/love leaves a memory no one can steal. - anonymous
39. It is not length of life, but depth of life."- Ralph Waldo Emerson
40. True love stories never end, they are just "to be continued." 
41. I know I can’t make your pain go away, but I want you to know that (1) a kind voice and sympathetic ear are only a phone call away; (2) I'm here with a shoulder or an ear or anything else you need; (3) your friends and I will be taking care of ___________ for the time being, in hopes of relieving you of at least one burden.
42. I know that the hurt won’t go away when the cards and casseroles do. Remember I'll still be here for you
43. As the days and weeks pass, and as you return to life's routine, may you continue to feel comforted by the love and support of family and friendship.

Most Romantic Lines From Literature

Hope others will enjoy this collection of swoon-worthy quotes from literature as much as I enjoyed compiling them!   Obviously there are thousands to choose from, so I've limited myself to classic literature and quotes that made my own heart give a little throb the first time I read them. 

1. "Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” - Catherine, Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
2. "If he loved you with all the power of his soul for a whole lifetime, he couldn't love you as much as I do in a single day." - Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
3. "I pray one prayer--I repeat it till my tongue stiffens--Catherine Earnshaw, may you not rest as long as I am living; you said I killed you--haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers, I believe. I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always--take any form--drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!" - Heathcliff, Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
4. "A solemn passion is conceived in my heart; it leans to you, draws you to my centre and spring of life, wraps my existence about you–and, kindling in pure, powerful flame, fuses you and me in one.” - Mr. Rochester, Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
5. "You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.” - Rhett Butler, Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
6. “You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you." - Capt. Wentworth, Persuasion (Jane Austen)
7. "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you." - Winnie the Pooh (A.A. Milne)
8. But our love it was stronger by far than the love/Of those who were older than we-/Of many far wiser than we-/And neither the angels in heaven above,/Nor the demons down under the sea,/Can ever dissever my soul from the soul/Of the beautiful Annabel Lee. - Annabelle Lee (Edgar Allen Poe)
9. "As you wish," Wesley, Princess Bride (William Goldman)
10.  "No matter where you go. I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you. " - Hawkeye, The Last of the Mohicans (James Fenimore Cooper)
11. "My bounty is as boundless as the sea,/My love as deep; the more I give to thee,/The more I have, for both are infinite." - Juliet, Romeo & Juliet, Shakespeare
12. "What did my arms do before they held you?" -Sylvia Plath
13. "When I first met her, I knew in a moment I would have to spend the next few days re-arranging my mind so there'd be room for her to stay"- Gatsby, The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
14. "Strephon kissed me in the spring,/Robin in the fall,/But Colin only looked at me/And never kissed at all.//Strephon's kiss was lost in jest,/Robin's lost in play,/But the kiss in Colin's eyes/Haunts me night and day." - Sara Teasdale

Kissing in the Rain

 

Why the predominance of movies featuring characters kissing in the rain (or surf, or snow)? 

Any competent English teacher will tell you that rain symbolizes change; kissing in the rain, therefore, symbolizes a change in the relationship between the characters.

A psychologist would probably tell us that being wet symbolizes vulnerability - a state in which we allow our normal inhibitions to lapse.

Cinematographers would probably tell us that this has to do with good film-making - precipitation is inherently dynamic and dramatic.

Obviously, there IS a reason ... how else to explain the number of enormously romantic movie kisses that occur in the damp? The following is not a comprehensive list, but does include some of my all-time favorites.

George Peppard and Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffanys

Rachel MacAdams and Ryan Gosling in The Notebook

Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman in Australia

Toby Maguire and Kirsten Dunst in Spiderman

Hugh Grant and Andie McDowell in 4 Weddings and a Funeral

Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly in Pirates of the Caribbean

Channing Tatem and Amanda Satfried in Dear John

olin Firth and Renee Zelwegger in Bridget Jones's Diary

Bill Murray and Andie McDowell in Groundhog Day

Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity

40 Ways to Tell Someone You Love Them (Without Saying the Words)

"I love you" may be powerful words, but even more powerful are the non-verbal things you can do every day to make your loved one understand how much you care for them.

1. Solicit their opinion
2. Respect their opinion
3. Help them tackle a chore you know they've been dreading
4. Quietly polish off some of their chores, so they can relax
5. Fix their favorite meal
6. Wear an outfit you know they like on you
7. Choose a movie you know they'll like, even if it's not exactly your cup of tea
8. Make them smile/laugh
9. Compliment them on their appearance
10. Compliment them on something they do well
11. Compliment them in front of someone else
12. Compliment them to other people when they're not even there to hear it
13. When they are on the right side of an argument, admit it gracefully
14. If they need to relax, let them - even if it means postponing some chores or errands
15. Don't drag them on errands they clearly won't enjoy
16. Fix their coffee the way they like it
17. Occassionally bring them a little gift for no reason
18. Stuff a note in their backpack or briefcase wishing them a happy day
19. Share stories you know they'll enjoy
20. Keep stories to yourself that you know will unnecessarily anger or worry them
21. Give them a hug
22. Squeeze their hand
23. Let them read the best part of the newspaper first (before you)
24. Let them listen to their favorite radio station while in the car
25. Care about what it is they do for a living
26. Let them know you empathize with their worries/concerns
27. Let them know what they do that makes your life better
28. Let them know what it is they do that makes the world a better place
29. Thank them for something they do as a matter of course
30. Greet them with a smile, even when you're in a bad mood (assuming it's not their fault)
31. Give them the benefit of a doubt
32. Forgive them for something they've done
33. Let them have the last cookie/piece of cake/piece of pizza
34. Give them a backrub
35. Treat the members of their family with respect, even the ones you don't like
36. Treat their family traditions with respect, even the ones you don't agree with
37. Spend a weekend doing something they want to do
38. Make sure your vacation includes activities that they will find enjoyable/restful
39. Call them up just to share a funny story or happy thought
40. Say "good night" and kiss them before you go to bed, every night

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do Playlist

Compiling this list made me reflect on how similar mourning the death of a relationship is to mourning the death of a loved one.  If you're very, very lucky, you may finally achieve the poignant acceptance of moving on (I'm Moving On, You're My Favorite Mistake), but first you have to pass through anger (Hit the Road Jack, Love Stinks), denial (I Ain't Missing You), negotiation (Baby Come Back, At This Moment), and regret (Even Now, Hard Habit to Break).  

Call me a hopeful romantic, but my favorites are the ones that, while acknowledging that both parties may have gone their Separate Ways, hold out the hope that maybe, Somewhere Down the Road, Against All Odds, things may yet work out.  Where there's love, there's hope ...!

1. Achy Breaky Heart, Billy Ray Cyrus
2. Against All Odds, Phil Collins
3. Ain't No Sunshine, Bill Withers
4. All By Myself, xxx
5. All Out of Love, Air Supply
6. Always on My Mind, Elvis Presley 
7. At This Moment, Billy Vera
8. Baby Come Back, Player
9. Bluer Than Blue, Michael Johnson
10. Burn, Usher
11. Careless Whisper, George Michael
12. Crazy, Patsy Cline
13. Cry Me A River, Justin Timberlake
14. Crying, Ray Orbison
15. Damage Is Done, Foreigner
16. Don't Speak, No Doubt
17. Even Now, Barry Manilow
18. Everybody Needs A Little Time Away, Chicago
19. Every Rose Has Its Thorn, Poison
20. Every Time We Say Goodbye, Rod Stewart
21. Ex-Factor, Lauryn Hill
22. First Cut is the Deepest, Rod Stewart
23. Good Riddance, Green Day
24. Goodbye Girl, Bread
25. Goodbye to You, Scandal
26. Hard Habit to Break, Chicago
27. Hard to Say I'm Sorry, Chicago
28. Heart of the Matter, Don Henley
29. Heartbreak Hotel, Elvis Presley
30. Hit the Road Jack, Ray Charles
31. How Am I Supposed to Live Without You, Michael Bolton
32. How Can You Mend a Broken Heart, Bee Gees
33. How Do I Live, Trisha Yearwood
34. Hurt, Nine Inch Nails
35. Hurt So Bad, Little Anthony
36. I Ain't Missing You, John Waite
37. I Don't Care Anymore, Phil Collins
38. I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues, Elton John
39. I Heard It Through the Grapevine, Marvin Gaye
40. I Hope You Dance, Lee Ann Womack
41. I Was A Fool (to Let You Go), Barry Manilow
42. I Will Remember You, Sarah McLachlan
43. I Will Survive, Stephanie Bentley
44. I Will Survive, Gloria Gaynor
45. I Wonder Who's Kissing Her Now, Ray Charles
46. If You Leave, OMD
47. If You Leave Me Now, Chicago
48. I'm Moving On, Rascal Flatts
49. I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry, Hank Williams
50. It Must Have Been Love, Roxette
51. It's My Turn, Diana Ross
52. It's Too Late, Carole King
53. Last Goodbye, Jeff Buckley
54. Look Away, Chicago
55. Love Doesn't Live Here Anymore, Faith Hill
56. Love on the Rocks, Neil Diamond
57. Love Stinks, J. Geils Band
58. Lyin' Eyes, Eagles
59. Memory, Barbra Streisand
60. My Favorite Mistake, Sheryl Crow
61. My Heart Will Go On, Celine Dion
62. New Attitude, Patti Lbelle
63. One Last Cry, Brian McKnight
64. Over You, Daughtry
65. Please Don't Go, KWS
66. Right Here Waiting, Richard Marx
67. Send Her My Love, Journey
68. Separate Ways, Journey
69. She's Gone, Hall & Oates
70. Since I Don't Have You, Skyliners
71. Single Ladies, Beyonce
72. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes, Louis Armstrong
73. Somewhere Down the Road, Barry Manilow
74. Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word, Elton John
75. Stormy Weather, Lena Horne
76. Take Good Care of My Baby, Bobby Vee
77. These Boots Are Made For Walkin', Nancy Sinatra
78. These Eyes, Guess Who
79. Thnks Fr Th Mmrs, Fall Out Boy
80. Tonight I Wanna Cry, Keith Urban
81. Too Much Too Little Too Late, Johnny Mathis
82. Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler
83. Tragedy, Bee Gees
84. Unbreak My Heart, Tony Braxton
85. Unchained Melody, Righteous Brothers
86. Usta Be My Girl, O'Jays
87. The Way We Were, Barbra Streisand
88. We Just Disagree, Dave Mason
89. What Hurts the Most, Rascal Flatts
90. Whenever You Come Around, Vince Gill
91. Wherever You Will Go, The Calling
92. While You Loved Me, Rascal Flatts
93. Wicked Game, Chris Isaak
94. Yesterday, The Beatles
95. You Give Love a Bad Name, Bon Jovi
96. You Keep Me Hangin' On, Kim Wilde
97. You Won't Forget Me, Carly Simon
98. You'll Think of Me, Keith Urban
99. You're Only Someone That I Used to Love, Natalie Cole
100. You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling, Righteous Brothers

Did I omit your favorite breakup song? Let me know!

Greatest Poems About Love

Does anyone else get overwhelmed by the courtly, hyperbolic nature of most love poetry?  I'm reminded of a scene in Shakespeare in Love, in which Elizabeth I scornfully suggests that no poet can ever capture the "truth and essence" of love.  Have to agree with Liz on that one ... altogether too many so-called "love poems" elevate the beloved to such absurd levels of beauty, virtue, and perfection that the result may make for beautiful verse but bears little relevance to actual people or the actual "truth and essence of love".

Happily, Elizabeth I ends up recanting her skepticism, and the poems listed below have gone a long way towards causing me to recant mine.  This list may not include some of the most famous poetry about love, but it does contain some of the most sincere poetry about love. 

1. My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose, Robert Burns.  I love this poem for its artlessness; you don't have to have an advanced degreee in literature (though an understanding of colloquial Scottish language and spelling is useful) to understand that the narrator intends to be faithful until the seas go dry, until rocks melt in the sun, until the end of time. My heart especially flutters at the part where he vows to come again, "tho' it ware ten thousand mile." It would take a heartless woman indeed not to be moved by so simple yet genuine an appeal.
2. How Do I Love Thee (aka Sonnets from the Portuguese, 43), Elizabeth Barrett Browning. Since the 1800s people have swooned over the romantic story of how sickly, middle-aged Elizabeth Barrett was swept off her feet by the devotion of the dashing, younger Robert Browning.  Perhaps it takes a great love story to produce great love poetry like this glorious verse.  "I love thee with the breath/ smiles, tears of all my life!" Barrett says, and  I can't imagine a sentence that does a better job of expressing the joyful abandon of pledging your heart and life to another soul. 
3. My Mistress's Eyes (aka Sonnet 130), William Shakespeare.  The charm of this timeless sonnet is the way that it dares to mock the inherent hyperbole of "courtly love."  While admitting his lover's eyes are nothing like the sun, that her skin is dun rather than the white of snow, and that her lips bear no resemblence to the rosy red of coral, "... yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare/ As any she belied with false compare."  As novel as it must to be have one's cheeks compared to roses, Will shrewdly divines that true love isn't about flattery, but about understanding. 
4. The Great Lover, Rupert Brooke.  Though the first couple of stanzas of this poem can be a bit dense, they're worth wading through to get to the glorious stanzas in the middle, where Rupert begins to list the things he has loved:  "White plates and cups, clean-gleaming,/ Ringed with blue lines; and feathery, faery dust;/ Wet roofs, beneath the lamp-light; the strong crust/ Of friendly bread; and many-tasting food;/ Rainbows; and the blue bitter smoke of wood;/ And radiant raindrops couching in cool flowers;/ And flowers themselves, that sway through sunny hours,/ Dreaming of moths that drink them under the moon;/ Then, the cool kindliness of sheets, that soon/ Smooth away trouble; and the rough male kiss/ Of blankets; grainy wood; live hair that is/ Shining and free; blue-massing clouds; the keen/ Unpassioned beauty of a great machine;/ The benison of hot water; furs to touch;/ The good smell of old clothes; and other such/ The comfortable smell of friendly fingers,/ Hair's fragrance, and the musty reek that lingers/ About dead leaves and last year's ferns..."  Only a man who possesses a true understanding of love could compose so passionate a list!
5. The Passionate Shepherd to His Love, Christopher Marlowe.  This one used to make me a little self-conscious, because everything to do with shepherds and shepherding has become so irrevocably associated with the silliest sort of pastoral romanticism.  But even Marie Antoinette hasn't been able to entirely stamp out my affection for this wonderfully earnest little poem in which the narrator pleas: "Come live with me and be my love,/ and we will all the pleasures prove ...".  Simply the best marriage proposal ever.
6. Let Me Not to The Marriage of True Minds (aka Sonnet 116), William Shakespeare.  Another entry from the Bard, who must have known a thing or two about love in order to pen these lines about the unwavering nature of true love.  What are our traditional Christian wedding vows ("... for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health," etc.), after all, but a dramatically less elegant paraphrasing of the Bard's immortal sentiment: "...love is not love/ Which alters when it alteration finds"?
7. Annabelle Lee, Edgar Allen Poe.  What Romeo and Juliet is to drama, Annabelle Lee is to poetry ... truly, the "truth and essence of love" distilled, intensified, and dispensed straight from the soul of the poet.  Yes, Edgar does engage in a fair amount of hyperbole ("The angels, not half so happy in heaven,/ Went envying her and me"), but you don't have possess an advanced knowledge the details of the tragic death of Poe's own beloved to appreciate that there's absolutely nothing extravagant or false about the grief that drips from every line of this devastating lament.