Advice for Rising High Schoolers

All these posts about high school graduations set me thinking: what advice might I have benefited from back when I was transitioning from middle school to high school? Like many students, I look back on high school as an awkward time: I was socially clueless, immature, confused, anxious, and absolutely convinced that every other student in the school had the whole thing figured out. Would a list like this have made my journey less fraught? At the very least, feel like seeing so many of my anxieties acknowledged and expressed might have been reassuring, if not actually instructive. 

What advice do you wish someone had imparted to you before your high school career? 

MENTAL HEALTH

1. Get over yourself. While it's tempting to imagine that everyone's judging you by your every word and deed, the fact of the matter is that people are way too distracted and self-absorbed to spend time observing and judging others. Don't let an exaggerated sense of self-consciousness prevent you from doing you. 
2. Everyone else in high school will be as insecure as you are - they just may hiding it better. It's not you - it's an unpleasant but inescapable phase of human development.
3. Pretty much everything you're going to think matters - appearance, number of friends, dating, reputation - doesn't actually matter. You will come to realize this for yourself the day you graduate. Until then, just take our word for it. 
4. Envy is both pointless and poisonous. Over the long term, life has a way of evening things out. In the words of Elsa, "let it go." 
5. Every day is a new day, and a chance at a new start. No need to wait for a new year, a new quarter, a new teacher, a new group of friends, a new season: change starts happening the moment you let it start happening. 
6. Time heals all wounds, including broken friendships, betrayal, and heartache.
7. There *will* be stress. Your job is to develop healthy ways to deal with it. Sleep, exercise, laughter, family, pets, hobbies .... all of these will help you deal. 
8. Set boundaries and trust your instincts. Don't let your core values be corrupted by pop culture or peer pressure.  To quote Professor Dumbledore: "It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends."
9. You may not be able to control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it.  Practice meeting adversity with dignity.
10. When the temptation to go low is strongest, that's when it's most important to go high. Remember that forgiveness isn't about absolving the other person of guilt (it doesn't) - it's about protecting your own mental health. 
11. Pursue things that make you happy, not things you think *should* make you happy ... or that others tell you should make you happy. 
12. Changing your attitude can change your reality. Research has shown that if you pretend to more confidence than you actually feel, you'll start feeling more genuinely confident over time. 
13. Who you are now isn't who you're going to be forever.  Not feeling like you've achieved your best self? Don't worry, there's still plenty of time for that. 
14. Grades may be fine for measuring your performance on a specific task, but they don't measure your intelligence, your worth, or your future.
15. Don't punish yourself for mistakes, but do learn from them. If you aren't making mistakes, you're not learning - you're just treading water. The challenge is owning up to your mistakes and trying to avoid them the next time.   
16. It's okay if high school isn't "the best time of your life." Life is a long game; who wants to peak in high school?  

FRIENDS & EMPATHY

1. Practice empathy; don't judge others until you've walked in their shoes. (And, while you're at it, avoid killing mockingbirds.) 
2. Actions speak louder than words. It's what you *do* that matters, not what you wish you'd done, or what you intended to do. Gratitude, kindness, respect, and courage matter. 
3. Gossip isn't entertainment, it's bullying. Just don't.
4. The friends that matter are the ones who like you for who you are, not who you're pretending to be. 
5. Some friends are there for a season, some for a reason, some for a lifetime. Learn how to tell the difference
6. Relationships require effort. Take the time and effort to nurture the ones that matter. 
7. Surround yourself with people who challenge you. The best way to advance is to surround yourself with people who constantly push you forward. 

ACADEMICS & ACHIEVEMENT

1. Success in high school is, as in life, 90% effort, 10% luck.  Your success will depend almost wholly on the effort you put into it. However, some things will also require patience. 
2. Develop your critical thinking skills.  High school is when you need to learn how to start thinking for yourself instead of allowing other people (parents, teachers, friends, politicians, social media influencers) to think for you. The sooner you master this skill, the better. 
3. Venture beyond your comfort zone and seek out new experiences. Growth comes from exposing yourself to new ideas and experiences. Later in life, new experiences can be harder to come by, so take advantage of opportunities when they arise.
4. Maintain a healthy balance between academics and extracurriculars. Both are equally important in preparing you for life. 
5. You don't know as much as you think you know. Not even close. Be open to viewing things from different perspectives, changing your mind, and accepting constructive criticism graciously.
6. Never be afraid to ask questions. You're not expected to know all the answers - otherwise, you wouldn't need schooling
7. Teachers are there to help you, but they can't help you if you don't tell them what you need. 
8. You can do anything, but not everything. Don't expect to be good at everything you do, but also don't let not being great at something prevent you from doing it!  
9. Most of the things you think are limiting you are actually self-imposed. Practice replacing "I can't do that" with "I can't do that YET."
10. Perfection isn't attainable.  Stop trying, and never, ever use "I'm afraid it's not going to be perfect" as an excuse not to attempt something. You learn 0% of what you don't attempt. 
11. Academics is one path to success, but it isn't the only path.
12. Even if your future lies along another path, however, a high school degree can be critical to accessing all the other paths. Don't close doors that you may one day need to walk through.