America's Regional & Traditional Cuisines

Before beginning, you should know that I'm no foodie. But I like the challenge of categorizing things, and this is my attempt to categorize America's signature foods.  As a country of mutts, it should come as no surprise that our food is mutt-like, a fusion of cuisines stolen from around the world and then Americanized - almost always with regrettable consequences. 

1. 60s retro - Salisbury steak, casseroles, fondue, tomato soup, pimiento loaf, fruit cocktail, tater tots, Jello, Twinkies
2. Afternoon tea - Red velvet cake, tomato sandwiches, tomato aspic
3. BBQ (Texas, Carolina) - Brisket, pulled meats, pork/beef ribs, cole slaw
4. Boardwalk/fair food - Coney dogs, corn dogs, boardwalk fries, popcorn, cotton candy, shaved ice
5. Cajun breakfast (Louisiana) - Cafe au late, beignets
6. Cajun dinner (Louisiana) - Muffuletta, po'boy, etouffee, red beans & rice
7. Chinese fusion - Chop suey, chow mein, fried rice
8. Colonial (Virginia) - Smoked ham, venison, game, peanut soup, cobbler, cider
9. Crab feast (Maryland) - Steamed crabs, crab cakes
10. Creole dinner (Louisiana) - Gumbo, jambalaya, bread pudding
11. Cuban fusion (Miami) - Cuban sandwich, Mofongo, plantains, key lime pie
12. Deli food (New York)- Philly cheesesteak, sub sandwiches, ruebens, fried pickles, potato chips, bagels & lox, cheesecake
13. Diner food - Meatloaf, hot dogs, tuna melts, grilled cheese sandwiches, BLTs, macaroni & cheese, onion rings, apple pie
14. Fast food - Hamburgers/cheeseburgers, french fries, milkshakes, banana splits
15. Fine dining - Delmonico steak, Caesar salad, baked Alaska, Manhattan cocktails
16. Fish fry (New England) - Fried seafood, clam chowder, poutine
17. Swedish/German fusion (Great Lakes) - Smoked salmon, pasties, Swedish meatballs, cheese curds, cherry pie
18. Hawaiian/Polynesian-fusion (Hawaii) - Conch, Spam, poke bowls, poi
19. Italian fusion - Pizza, spaghetti, lasagna, ravioli
20. Midwestern food - Steak, prime rib, bison, potatoes, buckeyes
21. Native American fusion - Frybread, corn on the cob, squash/pumpkin, fried green tomatoes, cornbread, jerky
22. New Southern - Hot chicken, chicken & waffles, chicken-fried steak, buffalo wings
23. Nouvelle cuisine (California)  - California rolls, cioppino, fish tacos, cobb salad, avocado toast
24. Picnic food - Fried chicken, macaroni salad, potato salad, devilled eggs, lemonade
25. Puerto Rico/Caribbean fusion (Puerto Rico) - Pernil, jerk
26. Seafood feast (Maine) - Steamed seafood, lobster rolls
27. Soul food - Fried catfish, collard greens, hoppin' john (black-eyed peas)
28. Southern/plantation breakfast - Biscuits & gravy, home fries, grits, fried apples
29. Southern/plantation dinner - Sugar-cured ham, baked beans, boiled peanuts, peach cobbler, banana pudding, sweet tea
30. Tex-Mex (Texas) - Tacos, chili, burritos, fajitas, nachos, Frito pie, chimichangas
31. Thanksgiving traditional - Turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes

10+ Things That Make Virtual Teaching SOOOOO Much Harder Than Face-to-Face

 

I'm a pretty patient person in general, but if you want to set my blood boiling, just suggest that we teachers have had it easy during Covid and that's why we don't want to go back into the classroom.  Few people appreciate how incredibly difficult it is to sustain virtual teaching over a long period of time.  I an my colleagues are exhausted, and because I'm tired of explaining why, I've summed it all up in one handy list. 

1. Building relationships. The #1 struggle: building relationships with students.  Why does this matter? Because, as every teacher worth their salt understands, there are only three ways to motivate students: (1) grades (works for some, but not all), (2) fear (not an optimal option), or (3) relationships - you make them care enough about you and your good opinion that they don't want to disappoint you. Now try establishing a relationship with a student virtually: no video feed, no private jokes, no body language, no quiet chats - we can't even compliment them on their clothes! Good luck with that.
2. Lesson planning & prep.  Transforming all those lovely lessons we teach in the classroom to work via virtual takes an incredible amount of time and effort.  One reason being a first year teacher is so brutal? Because you're inventing all your lessons, basically from scratch. During virtual learning we all became first year teachers again.
3. Be sure to have a backup plan for your backup plan! Because anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong. Your mic will crash ... or theirs. You computer will crash ... or theirs. The entire network will crash ... or theirs.  A particularly clever student will figure out how to hijack the screen, or spam the chat, or amuse the class by using emojis to craft lewd images.  For no particular reason, three of your students (but only three) will sound like robots. Google will forward all the completed assignments ... except one.  Successful online teaching means anticipating even the stuff that can't possibly be anticipated.
4. Technology. But first, before we put our lessons online, we've got to learn how to use the ?>*$#! technology! Class management systems. Screencasts. Hyperdocs. Educational apps. Interactive trainings. Document cameras. Online classrooms. Multiple screens. And the learning curve never ends, because just when we've mastered a tech, along comes an upgrade, a replacement tech, or whole new procedures. It's hard not to feel constantly overwhelmed.
5.  Helping students with technology.  I’m not talking about helping them set up encryption protocols here – I’m talking about the 20-minute dystopian nightmare that is trying to get 20 kids to log into a single website, enter their ID, create a password, and then figure out how to do the work.  Whoever dubbed this the “digital generation” is waaaaay off-base; I can personally attest to the fact that there’s a huge disconnect between the skills that help students master social media and video games vs. the skills they need to use the internet effectively.
6. IT Support.  Not only do we need to be experts as using tech, but we need to be able to support the tech issues of our students ... and sometimes their parents too. Keep in mind - most teachers can't even figure out how to change the staples in a copy machine.  And you have NO idea how many creative ways a student can find to mess up a computer until you give 30 middle schoolers laptops and a task they don't feel like doing.
7. Virtual classes ... are exhausting! Just try spending 70mins opening, running & closing apps while simultaneously answering students in chat, answering students in private chat, monitoring student attendance/participation/engagement/socio-emotional health, monitoring breakout rooms, building relationships, fixing tech issues, conducting mini-conferences, and modeling enthusiasm for your topic ... and then do it all again 10mins later ... and then again 10mins after that.
8. Videotaping & posting work. Because when class is over, class isn't even close to being over, at least not until we've downloaded the videotape & uploaded it to where our students can find it, uploaded all the class materials to your virtual classroom, and posted new announcements to all our classroom management systems
9. Office hours. Don't let anyone tell you that office hours are an adequate substitute for face-to-face help.  Most teachers are masters of the art of speed-tutoring: Andrew, have your sister help you with those flashcards! Beth, you got an F because you confused photosynthesis and cellular respiration! Dewayne, you need to read the directions more carefully! Iman, the answers are in the notes we took yesterday! Office hours simply can't replicate that kind of efficiency or coverage.
10. Virtual meetings .... are so much less productive than the real thing! Everyone's obsessed with being courteous and not talking over each other. Every decision takes three times longer to make and the majority of decisions end up being bad, because the last thing people want to do is contribute ideas that might make the whole uncomfortable ordeal even longer than it has to be
11. So many emails! Between student and parent emails, it's not unusual to end the school day 20-40 emails in arears ... but unlike other jobs, we don't have time to answer emails during the business day, so it's all homework.  And we can't even dash them off, because tone is critical - we can't risk the kids perceiving us as cold (relationships, remember?) or parents perceiving us as unhelpful. 
12. Accountability.  One of the most frustrating struggles of all ... being accountable for the performance of students who you have absolutely no control over. Maybe they're watching your class and paying attention ... or maybe they're sleeping/gaming/texting/walking the dog/down in the kitchen fixing themselves a big ol' sandwich. But when they end up with an F it's the teachers that are always held responsible because our lessons were too ambitious/grading policies unfair/lessons insufficiently engaging/practices inequitable ... or perhaps we just aren't giving students enough grace.
13. And now ... do all of the above while simultaneously taking care of your own kids who are home full time, doing their own virtual learning  Cook them breakfast and lunch, check to make sure they're attending their lessons, help them with homework, provide those additional sports/amusements they would ordinarily be getting through organized clubs, sports and socializing with friends.  And then, when you've wrapped that up ... time to start catching up on that grading!

Covid's Legacy - 25 Things That Have Changed Forever

Now that vaccinations have begun, the end of Covid is finally in sight.  But in at least 25 different ways, the world that Covid leaves behind will never be the same. 

1. Where We Work.  Now that employers have discovered that work from home doesn't impact efficiency, they are likely to expand (or really, continue) offering this flexibility ... especially since it's cheaper than maintaining office space.  Longer term, they may result in Americans becoming less transient; why move to a new location if you can stay where you are literally phone it in? 
2. When We Work. Speaking of flexibility, employers have also learned that business doesn't have to be conducted during business hours.  Imagine a world where you don't have to ask for leave to go to the doctor, because you can just work around your appointments  ... how nice will that be? 
3. How We Work.  Now that we're learning how to use all these technology tools, expect companies to place a premium on making sure they are interoperable. 
4. How We Conduct Business.  Though face to face meetings with clients will never go away, Covid plus climate change may contribute to a reduction in busniess travel - especially those "arrive just in time and leave right after" jaunts. 
5. How We Interact With Our Co-Workers.  Dogs in zoom meetings, anchors broadcasting from their dining rooms ... it seems likely that some of the barriers smashed by Covid - like acknowledging the fact that coworkers have home lives - may never be restored. 
6. How We Socialize.  Thanks to Covid, even Grandmom and Granddad have finally learned how to zoom, which is likely to change the way extended families communicate with remote relatives; possibly also how families celebrate holidays. Could this be the beginning of the end of families travelling long distances to attend holiday celebrations? 
7. How We Get Our Groceries. Now that we've all had a taste of just how convenient grocery delivery can be, it's safe to predict that these services will continue to enjoy increased popularity even after we're able to leave our homes again.
8. How We Shop. Ditto online shopping, especially holiday shopping. Because while Christmas shopping in crowded stores may be a Christmas traditions, it's probably not anyone's favorite Christmas tradition. 
9. How We Buy Our Homes.  Can you imagine anyone buying a new home in the next 5-10 years without considering: "Yes, but could we shelter in place here for a year if we had to?"  Realtors are already reporting that Covid is transforming in the real estate market. 
10. How We Exercise.  Now that so many of us have created new workout regimes outside of the gym, it's likely that some of us aren't going to be all that anxious to shell out hundreds of dollars to return. 
11. How We Spend Our Free Time.  Anyone who didn't have a hobby, has one now!  And while not every new garden is going to get replanted next spring and many of us will never make another loaf of sourdough bread, many of us have discovered new passions that will endure far beyond Covid.
12. How We Access Entertainment. While plenty of us missed going out to movies and restaurants, a certain number of us enjoyed the convenience of having first run movies and restaurant meals delivered to our door. It seems clear that theaters are restaurants are going to need to continue to cater to both 
13. How We Learn. While the verdict is still out on virtual learning, Covid accelerated the process of getting computers into the hands of students and teachers got a crash course in how to use technology as a "force multiplier," increasing forever their toolbox of educational apps and strategies.
14. How We Think About Internet.  It shouldn't have taken a national crises like Covid, which forced humans to rely on internet as their only access to work, friends, and resources, to reinforce the importance of assuring access to high speed internet for all Americans. 
15. How We Think About Health Care.  Doctors and patients report surprising levels of satisfaction with telemedicine roll-outs compelled by quarantine.
16. How We Think About Socio-Emotional Health.  Not that we weren't worried about depression long before Covid, but quarantine definitely promoted such concepts as mindfulness and the importance of social connection to the forefront
17. How We Think About Ourselves. There's nothing like having to adapt to new circumstances to help us internalize that change isn't necessarily as scary or as difficult as we think. At least some of us are going to emerge from this with a more flexible attitude towards change.
18. How We Think About Retirement. Having been given a chance to see what retirement is going to be like - stuck in the same house with the same person day after day after day - it's not preposterous to speculate that couples will be making new, much more specific plans for how they're going to pass those long years together. 
19. How We Think About Nursing Home Care. How many people are going to be willing to confine loved ones to managed care after all those ghastly news stories about elderly victims dying, alone and uncomforted, in hospitals?
20. How We Think About Science. When crisis strikes, Americans have in the past turned to science for - if not comfort - then at least truth. Thanks to the politazation of Covid, however, some people seem not only to have lost their faith in science, but to have decided that all facts are subject to opinion. Remains to be seen how much mischief this causes in the future.
21. How We Handle Future Epidemics. Whichever party happens to be in power for the next 20yrs, you can bet that one of the first things they do is make sure that they've got a viable plan for handling any future epidemics. Because if our government is good at nothing out, it's good at closing barn doors after the horses have bolted.
22. How We Think About Climate Change. Thanks to slowdowns in manufacturing, some countries saw clean air for the first time in generations. It's a lot easier to raise awareness of an environmental issue when people can actually see it for themselves
23. Rethinking the Relationship Between The Stock Market and the Economy. New relationship between stock market & economic health. Rather than focusing on the quantitative aspects like funding rounds and revenue, investors will place a greater emphasis on the qualitative aspects, such as an organization’s structure, team, culture, flexibility, and profitability
24. How we vote.  One of the biggest lessons learned from Covid?  A lot of people reeeeally like the convenience of early voting and/or vote-by-mail. I have a hard time believing we'll ever go back to the way things were.
25. How We Think About Government.  While it may be too soon to do "lessons learned," we can look back in history and make some inferences: one of those being that once we smash through milestones, we tend to leave them in the dust. In other words, get used to huge government bailouts as a response to future crises. 

100 Totally Fun Things to do at Christmas

 

There's a reason so many people feel like the holiday season is an impossible whirl of activity, errands, and obligations: took me less than an hour to brainstorm the following list of 100 traditional ways to celebrate the Christmas season.

Perhaps this list will help remind you of traditions you might otherwise overlook ... or inspire you to build new holiday traditions with the people you love.

1. Find the Perfect Tree.  Nothing gets my family in the Christmas mood like our annual trip to the local Christmas tree lot in early December.  The smell of fresh-cut evergreen, our breath emerging in puffs in the chill evening air, little kids playing hide-and-seek among the stands, the thrill of finding the perfect tree and tying it onto the top of the car ... all of these make this one of my very favorite Christmas rituals.
2. Slay your own Christmas tree. Or, look up Christmas tree farms, load up your handsaw, and get the freshest tree there is.
3. Decorate the tree (or trees!). You can use the same ornaments every year, or get creative and create a new tree every year with decorations you collect and/or make yourself.  (See Theme Christmas Tree Ideas.)
4. Make Christmas Tree ornaments.  Check out any of the hundreds of websites, books and/or magazines packed with homemade ornament ideas: there's something for every taste, price, and ability level.
5. Set up a train around the base of your tree.  All the kids in your family will flock to your house to play with it.
6. Create a Wreath.  Choose from dozens of ideas: floral wreaths, grapevine wreaths, holly wreaths, fruit wreaths, candy wreaths, jingle bell wreaths, etc. (See Wreath Ideas)
7. Deck the halls with boughs of holiday. Channel your inner Fezziwig and drape festoons of pine and holly from the rafters or doorframes.  (Those 3M wall hooks with the removeable two-sided tape work well for this.)
8. Don't forget the poinsettia. Every part of the house looks more festive with forsythia.  Grocery stores often sell small pots very inexpensively - as low as $1/plant - so buy a bunch!
9. It Takes a Village.  Set up one of those store-bought holiday villages on a nice crisp piece of white felt to simulate the season.  Kids particularly enjoy the sets that feature moving parts.
10. Light a candle.  The tradition of placing a lighted candle in the window of a house on Christmas eve harks back to the day when it was a symbol of welcome to Mary and Joseph as they travelled looking for shelter.  
11. Go retro.  Revive bygone holiday traditions such as draping your tree with tinsel, spraying your windows with fake snow, or draping popcorn/cranberry chains over the doorways of your house. 
12. Countdown to Christmas. Advent calendars come in all sizes and shapes, but the idea is the same: starting Dec 1, members of the family open one door each day until they reach Dec 25.  My favorites are the advent calendars with a little gift (a piece of candy, a candle, an ornament) behind each door.
13. Create an Outdoor Display. Share the joy of the holiday with your neighbors.  Feel free to do this tastefully (modest white lights along the roofline, perhaps a grapevine deer grazing in the yard) or dazzle them with a display of lights gaudy enough to humble Chevy Chase's character in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
14. View Outdoor Christmas decorations.  The internet has become a great source for finding local houses and neighborhoods that stage particularly beautiful and/or tacky displays
15. Decorate the table for holiday dinner. The holidays are the perfect opportunity to show off your best china, linens and glassware.  This year, consider leaving the table set so others can admire the finery.
16. Enjoy a traditional holiday dinner.  Prepare a traditional holiday dinner, complete with roast beast (beef, duck, goose), robust side dishes (pumpkin, potatoes, carrots), and festive desserts (plum pudding).
17. Enjoy Christmas Day breakfast. Christmas dinner may be more traditional, but don't overlook the opportunity to establish Christmas day breakfast/brunch as a family favorite.  We make the meal special for the kids by serving pancakes in the shape of snowmen, with chocolate chip eyes, mouths, and buttons.
18. Prepare traditional foods.  Many families use the holidays as an opportunity to incorporate foods that reflect their racial or cultural heritage.  For instance, it wouldn't be Christmas at our house without the Baking of the Pasca, a traditional Slovak bread that's served with ham and pounds of butter.  (See It's Beginning to Taste a Lot Like Christmas.)
19. Get nutty.  Back in the day, nuts were called "sweetmeats" and were a major holiday tradition.  So pull out your favorite nutcracker and indulge.
20. Bake cookies. Perhaps the most traditional of holiday traditions!  To make this traditional activity more fun, my BFF and I always get together to do our baking at the same time, then we swap half of what we make so that each of us ends up with twice as many varieties.
21. Give cookies.  Cookies are a great way to spread cheer to coworkers, teachers, neighbors and others who are an important part of your life.  My second favorite thing to do with cookies (besides eating them): cookie exchange parties! 
22. Create with gingerbread. Make gingerbread cookies, gingerbread people, or gingerbread houses.  (One of our family customs is an annual gingerbread house decorating contest.)  It's festive and it smells great!
23. Enjoy holiday libations. Enjoy any of the many libations - wassail, egg nog, hot chocolate, mulled wine - traditionally associated with the season.
24. Eat fruitcake.  Do yourself a favor - bypass the store brands and spend a little extra to purchase a gourmet version from one of the better outlets: Macys, Harrods, etc.  Your stomach (and your teeth) will thank you.
25. Go to church.  Remember the reason for the season.  Give thanks to God for all His blessings.
26. Host a pageant. Sunday schools are the absolute best place to recruit for actors to reenact the night of Jesus's birth.
27. Display your creche. Remember Christ's birth with a creche inside or outside your home.  Stores sell nativity scenes ranging from traditional to art deco, from tabletop size to larger than life.  The one we display is really quite simple - curved grapevines arching over unpainted creamy ceramic figures - but suits our decor, and our faith.
28. Listen to the pealing of bells.  For me, there's no sound more associated with the holidays than the sound of bells - from the great booming peal of church bells to the hearty music of sleigh bells to the tinny clatter of jingle bells.  I like to hang sleigh bells from my doorknobs so that everytime I go in or out, I get to enjoy their heartening cheer.
29. Light candles.  Christmas is best celebrated by candlelight, from chandeliers alight with candles at ancient churches to the flickering glow of cinnamon-cented tea candles glowing through festive hurricanes at home.
30. Put on a pot of potpourri.  Christmas is also a season of delicious smells - evergreen, clove, frankenscence, cinnamon.  Fill your house with pretty bowls of potpourri or a leave a teapot filled with fragrance heating on your stove all season.
31. Put on a play.  Challenge the kids in your family to stage their own version of A Christmas Carol or The Night Before Christmas, or to invent a script of their own that celebrates the magic of the season.
32. Go wassailing.  Go caroling around your neighborhood, or carol in front of a local church or landmark.  (See Most Popular Christmas Carols)
33. Burn a yule log.  One of my favorite pagan traditions is the burning of the yule log.  The Druids would bless a log and keep it burning 12 days during the winter solstice; part of the log was kept for the following year, when it would be used to light the new yule log.  At the 400yr old college I attended, a yule log was burned in the largest, most ancient of the school's fireplaces: students would then file by hurling sprigs of holly into the fire for good luck.  (Predictably, there was always a rush to fit this in before taking finals.)
34. Roast things over the fire. All you need is a fireplace to indulge in such seasonal favorites as making popcorn over a live flame, roasting chestnuts, or melting marshmallows for homemade s'mores. 
35. Hang stockings.  Just make sure you use hooks sturdy enough to support a weight of coal ... just in case.
36. Go shopping. It's a shame this is the tradition most people probably think about first, and devote the most time to.  Which isn't to say that shopping isn't wonderful fun, especially that warm glow that comes from finding the perfect gift for someone you care about.
37. Enjoy the last minute panic. I have my grandmother to thank for introducing me to this seasonal tradition.  The idea is to finish your own shopping, then sit yourself up at a small table in the middle of your local shopping mall (preferrably with a cup of coffee to sip and perhaps a couple of gourmet chocolates to nibble on) and enjoy the energy - and occassional panic - of folks rushing by who aren't yet done.
38. Plan your Day After Christmas holiday shopping.  As you are shopping, make a list of items you'd love to purchase but that are to extravagent - or pricy - to justify.  Then use the list to guide your "day after Christmas" shopping, in hopes the items you covet will be on sale.
39. Indulge your inner child.  It is said that Christmas is a holiday for children: fortunately, all of us are children inside.  So go ahead!  Give yourself permission to visit a toy store; linger at a storefront to watch the toy train wend their way through tunnels and around bends; gape at gingerbread house displays; or thumb through the Sears Holiday Giftbook and figure out what you'd ask for if you were a kid.   
40. Make wish lists.  Someone's sure to ask you what you want for Christmas.  Be ready!  Online stores are especially convenient for windowshopping, and often offer "wish lists" where you can store your favorites.
41. Gape at shopping mall decorations.  Malls typically pull out all the stops to turn themselves into festive destinations during the Christmas season.  (Don't feel bad - they have a lot more money to spend than you, and professional designers to help them.)
42. Visit historic houses. Hunt out historical/notable homes in your area and enjoy the period decorations.  I'm fortunate enough to live in  the Virginia/D.C. where it's possible to visit a different historic house, mill, estate, or manor every day.
43. Take a hay ride/sleigh ride/horse-drawn carriage ride.  There's something magical about feeling the crisp air on your face and looking up at the stars as the rhythmic clop of horse's hooves keeps time.
44. See a show.  Local theaters often perform holiday-related works.  Here in D.C. it's not really Christmas unless you land tickets to see A Christmas Carol at Ford's Theater.
45. Take in a concert.  Local choirs, symphonies, bands and performing groups all traditionally perform during the holiday season.  I'm a particular sucker for chorus sing-alongs, acapella groups, big-band swing Christmas celebrations, and handbell concerts. 
46. Messiah sing-along.  Tradition has it that upon finishing the final note of his Hallelujah Chorus, Handel burst out of his study, tears streaming from his eyes, exclaiming: "I think I did see Heaven before me, and the great God Himself."  Join a few dozen of your fellow citizens to perform this amazing work of music live and I dare you not to experience a similar sense of the miraculous.  
47. See The Nutcracker. Another holiday tradition, and who knows? Maybe you'll witness the next Gelsey Kirkland making her 12-yr old debut as Clara Stahlbaum.
48. Attend (or watch) a holiday parade. If your community doesn't host a holiday parade, then be sure not to miss the granddaddy of them all - the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade - on television.  
49. Visit holiday destinations.  If you're lucky enough to have one in the area, take a roadtrip to a holiday destination such as Santa's Village (many states have them) or specialty Christmas super-stores.  Large amusement parks like Busch Gardens, Six Flags and Kings Dominion sometimes also open their gates for the season, highlighting holiday entertainment, decorations, and activities for the kids.
50. Visit a holiday craft festival.  Lots of local organizations (churches, schools) raise money by selling crafts during the holiday season. Or attend one of the larger, more commercial craft fairs that often rent out expo or conference centers at this time of the year.
51. Go ice skating. Strap on a pair of skates and remember that no matter how many times you fall, there's always the consolation of a steaming cup of hot chocolate at the end of the outing.  I have a particular affection for outdoor skating rinks because I like to pretend I'm gliding through the stars above.
52. Order a holiday beverage at Starbucks. It's simply not Christmas until I've had my first gingerbread latte of the season!
53. Dyour car.  Favorites around here include mounting wreaths on the front grill and/or affixing red rudolph noses between the cars' headlights.  However, I save my highest praises for those who figure out how to actually drape their cars with Christmas lights!
54. Decorate your pet. Buy your dog/cat/bunny/etc. a santa suit/hat, take their picture, and then use it as your Facebook picture for the rest of the season.  You know you want to.
55. Watch holiday movies. So many to choose from! But we have certain favorites that we watch every year, always in the company of the same traditional group of family/friends.  (See 60 Favorite Christmas Movies)
56. Watch holiday specials on television. I know that these days you can buy just about any holiday special on DVD, but there's something special and a little magical about checking each weeks' television listings to see when ACharlie Brown Christmas is due to air, and then counting down the days to it's arrival, that can't be matched in video format.  Or perhaps for your family it's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, or The Little Drummer Boy.
57. Listen to holiday music. You can create your own holiday playlist on iTunes or tune into a local radio station that plays holiday music 24/7 throughout the season.
58. Enjoy old time radio holiday broadcasts. Go to the Library of Congress audio site and download the Campbell's Playhouse version of A Christmas Carol, with Lionel Barrymore as Scrooge.  Or download Lux Radio Theater's radio version of the movies It's A Wonderful Life or Miracle on 34th Street, featuring the original actors.  Or if you're in the mood for something really sentimental, download the Command Performance Concerts that were beamed to our troops oversees during WWII, featuring guest appearances by Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, and a bevy of starlets. 
59. Play. Take advantage of time with your family to bond over board games, card games, jigsaw puzzles.  Or, make like Scrooge's nephew and amuse yourself with such Victorian favorites as Blind Man's Bluff, charades or 20 Questions.
60. Tell stories. Share stories about Christmases past: long past or your past. To this day one of my most treasured holiday memories was listening to a friend's grandfather recount his memories of the Christmas truce of WWII.
61. Christmas coloring. An activity everyone in the family can enjoy, and when you're done you can cut out the pictures and hang them on walls or windows as decoration.
62. Show off your tackiest holiday sweater. Embrace this unfortunate tradition by embracing "Your Tackiest Holiday Sweater" as a theme for a holiday gathering. I particularly enjoy the ones that manage to work in kittens, gold lame, and/or flashing lights.
63. Show off your tackiest holiday jewelry. I'm always amazed at what otherwise fashionable people will wear in their ears, around their necks, or pinned to their sweaters over the holidays.
64. Wear your Santa hat in public. It's the one time of the year when you can wear a goofy hat out of doors and no one will think any less of you.  (Additional advantage: Santa hats tend to be wonderfully warm, which makes them perfect for outdoor holiday events like caroling or ice skating.)
65. Christmas on your computer. Download a Christmasy screensaver, send ecards, hunt for holiday recipes, look up craft ideas, and/or visit holiday websites to enjoy such games as "Rudolph the Redneck Reindeer."  
66. Take a walk outside on a brisk winter day (or night). Especially when things start to get crazy busy, it's important to spend quiet time alone with all the good things He created, like brisk winter air, brilliant stars, bare limbs scratching in the breeze, and the whispering hush of falling snow.
67. Write a letter to Santa. One upshot of this wonderful tradition (besides helping you figure out what your children want for Christmas) is that it creates a wonderful annual snapshot of your child's handwriting, priorities, and temperament.  Now that our kids have grown, they love chuckling over the letters they once wrote.
68. Hang with Santa. No matter where you live, Santa is sure to be making a guest appearance somewhere, so drop by and pay your respects. 
69. Track Santa.  Every Christmas Eve, NORAD (the U.S. North American Air Defense facility) uses its high-tech radar and satellite resources to provide real-time tracking of Santa's sled as it criss-crosses the globe.  Kids love this and, frankly, even most adults find the site charming! 
70. Pop holiday crackers. You can buy them at nicer department stores or make your own.  The little prizes help keep kids from growing too impatient at the sloooow passage of time Christmas Eve.
71. Lighten up.  Don't stress out!  Give yourself permission to laugh at stupid Christmas carols (The Ten Pains of Christmas is a personal favorite); make fun of over-the-top holiday decorations; invent goofy holiday traditions (ex: dangling a stuffed santa suit from your roof so that it looks like he's falling); or participate in Santarchy, a national event with celebrations in most major cities.
72. Celeberate with Family.  Don't get so caught up with the superficial stuff like shopping and cooking that you forget one of the main reasons for the season: spending time with family. Be sure to find a way to include distant relatives, whether via a phone call, photos, or a holiday visit via Skype.
73. Celebrate with friends. Make time to share holiday traditions with friends, attend parties, and entertain: it's the one time of year when it's considered perfectly appropriate to throw your house open and allow friends from all your different activities and venues to meet and mix.
74. Celebrate with your co-workers. Assemble for an office party, cookie exchange, or Secret Santa gift exchange. A good office party is one that allows folks to feel able to relax and share their warmer, more human sides with co-workers.
75. Celebrate with your neighbors. Have a decorating contest, host a progressive hors devours party, or go carolling as a group.  Christmas is a great time to reach out to new neighbors and reconnect with old friends.
76. Pose for a family portrait.  Christmas is a great excuse to coax the family into posing for an annual photo, whether your goal is to create a customized Christmas card or to discretely slide the result into the family photo album for posterity.
77. Create holiday cards.  Holiday cards are easy to make, and family/friends won't soon forget the care you took to create something customized and special just for them.
78. Send holiday cards.  I have little patience with people who complain: "I stopped sending cards out because it was too much bother/It's a waste of money/I never got any back."  This is the one time of year when it's appropriate to reach out to the people who have made your life special; the point isn't to solicit thanks or responses, but to make sure they know that they remain in your thoughts and prayers.  So suck it up and start licking envelopes: this is one lovely tradition that should never be allowed to lapse.
79. Send holiday letters. I confess I'm also a fan of the much-maligned Christmas letter.  True, I've read some pretty awful ones.  The trick, I think, is to (1) only include the news people besides yourselves will care about, (2) avoid sounding pretentious, and (3) be sure to include anecdotes and stories that remind folks why they like you.
80. Entertain.  There are so many seasonal-themed party ideas to choose from!  So there's no excuse not to get together with family, friends, "the girls", "the guys", "the kids", or your community.  (See Fun Themed Christmas Parties)
81. Make homemade gifts.  Not only do homemade gifts show that you care enough about someone to spend time on them, but they can also be a frugal option if you have limited resources and/or a big family.  For ideas, see 90+ Homemade Gift Ideas.
82. Exchange gifts.  The trope may be aged but it's true: there are few joys to match the pleasure of picking out the perfect gift for someone, then watching the smile of delight light up their face when they open it.  Feel sorry for folks who think of exchanging gifts as an obligation rather than as an opportunity.  
83. Tag it.  Gift tags make a great mini-craft project.  Create them out of fabric, cookies, ornaments, tinsel, pictures trimmed from Christmas cards left over from past years, novelty papers, fabric ... pretty much anything!
84. Dressed for success.  Wrapping can be a lot of fun if you let it.  Experiment with different papers, tags and bows.  My mom is a brilliant wrapper who likes to take her inspiration from the pattern of the paper: snowy paper sporting a festive paper ski jump; evergreen paper lapped by popcorn-cranberry "ribbon"; teddy bear paper topped by a brown felt bow.  Or consider wrapping a small gift card in an enormous box, just for the reaction you get!
85. Work It Out.  Many stores take on extra help at Christmas, which makes the holidays a great time to earn a little extra money.  If you don't like the idea of standing behind a cash register all day, consider a job stocking shelves, pushing carts, wrapping gifts, or working as a Santa's helper.
86. Give.  Donate money, toys, food or gifts.  There are a wealth of organizations that rely on holiday donations to see them though the year ... and, unfortunately, a wealth of families who rely on holiday food baskets to last them through the month. 
87. Volunteer.  If you can't afford to donate money, toys, food or gifts, donate time.  There are plenty of organizations looking for help collecting donations, wrapping/packaging donated gifts, and preparing/serving food to those in need.  (See blog entry, Community Service Project Ideas)
88. Visit shut-ins. They don't have to be your shut-ins ... most communities have a retirement center or other facility for senior citizens.  Nor do you have to make a big production out of it: just stop by to share a meal with someone, or watch television with them, or listen to their stories.  (Senior citizens always have the best stories.)  
89. Say Thank You.  Distribute cards, small gifts, or tips to people the people who you are grateful for - teachers, the paperboy, the postman, the garbageman, that checker at the grocery store who always gives candy to your kids and brightens your day.
90. Make Amends.  Take advantage of the general goodwill of the season to make amends for any wrongs you've done during the past year.  It's the perfect season to ask for forgiveness, and your last chance to wipe the slate clean before starting the new year.
91. Engage in Random Acts of Kindness.  Clip coupons and leave them next to the items they discount. Offer free babysitting services to a stressed-out friend or colleague. Randomly pick a kettle and stuff a $20 through the slot.  Turn someone's car headlights off.  Let someone squeeze into traffic ahead of you.  Who knows - maybe they'll pass it forward and your small act of kindness will end up benefiting dozens of others.
92. Count your blessings.  I've seen this done various ways: create a blessing jar, write them on pretty paper and hang them from a tree.  Or you can do this the old fashioned way by getting down on your knees and giving thanks.
93. Be Kind to Critters.  Winter is a hard time for nature's untamed creatures.  Give them a hand by setting out seed for the birds, sharing a loaf of bread with your local ducks, or spreading pinecones with peanut butter and hurling them into the woods for smaller creatures to enjoy.
94. Share Traditions.  Christmas is a wonderful time to share your family's cultural, racial and/or religious traditions with new generations.  For instance, though my husband's family is 3rd generation Czech, we remember the past through traditions such as baking Czech dishes and hanging traditional Czech ornaments on the tree.  If you haven't preserved any traditions, it's never too late to start establishing new ones.
95. Remember Christmases past.  Remembering Christmases past - the bad ones along with the good ones - is an important way to refresh family memories and solidify family traditions.  This works best if you can find a way to involve multiple generations in the reminiscing.
96. Kiss Under the Mistletoe.  'Nuff said.
97. Celebrate All 12 Days. I don't recommend regalling your true love with 11 pipers piping (noisy) or 10 lord's a-leaping (destructive).  But do recommend allowing the holiday to extend the 12 days after December 25.  Often the run-up to the holiday becomes so frantic, there's little time left to fit equally important but less time-sensitive things like volunteering, spending time with family, and giving thanks.  Give yourself the gift of time: 12 extra days to enjoy the best things the season has to offer. 
98. Shop 'Til You Drop. Take advantage of the post-holiday sales to stock up on steeply discounted wrapping paper, cards, ornaments, and gifts for next year!
99. Create a Christmas scrapbook.  Gather together all your photos, momentoes (programs from concerts/shows, sheet music, party invites, shopping lists, letters to Santa, christmas cards, family newsletter, etc.) and Christmas memories and preserve them in a scrapbook.  If you use the same scrapbook every year, it will eventually become a treasured family heirloom, a record not only of Christmases past but of your family's history.
100. Start planning your New Years Resolutions. Because it's never too soon to figure out what resolutions you'll be breaking by the second week of January.

60+ Environmental Stewardship Project Ideas for Students

As a life science teacher, I am perhaps even more freaked out than "normal people" about the various environmental dooms overtaking us even as I type this: climate change, sustainability, water availability, mass extinction. Never has it been more important for our youngest generation to understand the role they can and must play in acting as responsible stewards of Earth and Earth's resources. 

Towards this end, I require my students (10-14yrs old) to perform four acts of environmental stewardship per year (one per quarter). You'd think this would be met by groans and complaints, but the truth is that most students are full of passion and idealism - they *want* to save the world, they're just not sure how! Which is why I've pulled together this continually-updated list of projects that are student friendly but that directly map to challenges that are facing our Earth today. 

Please - if you have any suggestions of activities that I might add to the list, leave me a comment below. I'm hoping this blog post will prove genuinely useful to other teachers hoping to implement or grow the emphasis on environmental stewardship in their own classrooms. 

Planting & Growing

1. Build a bird or bat house
2. Create a vertical garden
3. Create a container garden
4. Create an indoor window garden
5. Plant a butterfly, bee, or bat garden
6. Plant a vegetable, flower, spice, or medicine garden
7. Build a small greenhouse so that you can continue to grow your own vegetables throughout the winter
8. Plant a tree or bush (just make sure you pick an indigenous species!) 
9. Install a rain barrel
10. Build/create a composting program
11. Start composting
12. Use tree/plant identification guides to positively identify 10+ plants in your yard or neighborhood. Then figure out which ones are native vs. non-native to Virginia
13. Collect  & remove invasive species
14. Implement new landscaping techniques that will reduce either erosion, fertilizer use, or invasive species in your lawn
15. Create seed balls (native seeds only!) and disperse them around your community
16. Raise ladybugs (indigenous species) and set them lose in the community to eat bugs
17. Raise chickens
18. Raise bees 
19. Learn to identify local birds, and participate in a sponsored bird count project.

Water Quality & Conservation

1. Create a rain garden
2. Find an area where soil is eroding and entering the local watershed and implement a solution (erect a barrier, plant grass, etc.)
3. Pick up litter so that it doesn't wash into the local watershed
4. Begin taking 3-minute showers
5. Calculate your family’s water footprint. (There are many water footprint calculators online that you can use.) 
6. Mark local storm drains with stickers that remind people not to use them as chemical dumps
7. Acquire a lead water test kit and check the water at local public areas (libraries, schools, etc.) to make sure it is safe
8. Monitor water quality in a local watershed (pond, stream, or lake)

Sustainability

1. Reduce the amount of packaging that you accumulate when shopping by
1. Buying products that are sold in recycleable containers
2. Buying products that come in reusable packinging
3. Using reusable shopping bags (including bags for produce) 
4. Refusing straws, lids and excess plastic packaging
2. Brainstorm and implement strategies for reducing the amount of trash that your family produces
3. Identify a common single-use plastic pollutant and take an action that will help reduce the production/use of that plastic
4. Upcycle something that you would ordinarily throw in the trash
5. Donate/freecycle reusable items instead of throwing them away
6. Educate your community about what items are not recycleable
7. Purchase previously owned goods vs. buying new
8. Learn how to reduce the amount of junk mail you receive at home, and share this information with the community using a website, a brochure, or a newsletter.
9. Come up with a plan to reduce food waste in your house (or at your school)

Putting the Breaks on Climate Change 

1. Conduct an energy audit of your school or classroom
2. Eat more vegetarian meals
3. Eat more locally grown produce
4. Calculate your family’s carbon footprint
5. Reduce your family’s car trips
6. Reduce your family’s electricity use
7. Figure out the cost of switching your house to solar (you don’t have to switch to solar! Just research it)
8. Compare and contrast normal cars vs. hybrid cars vs. electric cars and figure out which one would make the most sense for your family.
9. Switch something in your house to an alternative energy source that doesn’t create Co2 pollution
10. Encourage members of your community to use natural vs. man-made fertilizers. (The production of man-made fertilizers is a major source of the greenhouse gas NO2.)

General Stewardship & Activism

1. Join a local club or organization dedicated to making your community more environmentally friendly
1. Organizations that plant trees and/or protect natural areas
2. Organizations that promote green architecture & development
2. Volunteer to help support an environmental stewardship project at a local park or nature center
3. Attend an event that showcases local environmental initiatives
4. Create flyers, posters or infographics to hang in your school, educating students about an environmental issues that concerns them
   
5. Initiate a project that will make your school greener. For example:  
1. eliminate plastic bottles by installing water fountains that refill reusable water bottles
2. Create a program that increases the number of students who bike to school (rather than getting dropped off by cars)
3. Advocate to install solar energy at your school
4. Clean up trash around your school
5. Plant trees on school property
6. Sponsor an athletic shoe recycling drive
6. Write your Congressman and tell them how you want them to vote on environmental issues impacting your neighborhood, town, or state
7. Become a citizen scientist - many websites offer opportunities for students to support ongoing scientific research by participating in bird counts, monitoring local water quality, logging local species, or other age-appropriate activities. 
8. Participate in a protest 
9. Conduct a fundraiser to raise money for an environmental issue that you are passionate about

The 11 Types of Teachers You Encounter at Every School

 As every language arts teacher knows, all the best fairy tales are populated by a cast of archetypical characters: the Hero, the Love Interest, the Sidekick, the Villain.  Along the same lines, having watched the parade of teachers come and go through our building over the years, I've identified 11 Teacher Archetypes.  Though of course many teachers possess elements of several different Types at once, I bet teachers reading this list will instantly identify examples of each of these Types among their colleagues past and present.

Please enjoy this deliberately irreverent, tongue-in-cheek overview of Teacher Archetypes, and feel free to comment if I've overlooked any of your personal favorites!

1. The Cheerleader. Cheerleaders are the True Believers - the ones who are so passionate about their calling that they'd be teachers even if they weren't earning those sky-high salaries. Idealists and visionaries, they believe that Children Are The Future and, therefore, teachers are the shapers and molders of the future, through the knowledge and values that they pass onto their students in the classroom. Cheerleaders endeavor to inspire a like passion in their students through strategies like dressing up as the historical characters they are teaching, sponsoring field trips to the local courthouse, and requiring their students to do community service work. Cheerleaders also tend to be the ones who volunteer to sponsor clubs like Model U.N., STEM Club, and Future Business Leaders of America. 
   
   
2. The Ditz.  Perpetually flustered, Ditzes always seems to be a little surprised and disconcerted to find themselves in charge of a classroom.  Surrounded by piles of unsorted, ungraded student work, they spend the first 5 minutes of every class looking for the warmup activity they've somehow misplaced and end every class several seconds after the bell has rung with an impossibly rushed series of last-minute stream-of-consciousness instructions: "Everyone put your papers in the tray and remember to take a study guide before you go and push your tables back where they were and turn in your homework before you leave and if you need to retake the test don't forget to stay after school and no one leaves until the floor is clean!"  Homework, tests, projects and grades are haphazard things, with constantly shifting deadlines and vague expectations. 
   
   
3. The Drowning Man. Pity the Drowning Man! Despite the most earnest and sincere of intentions, these teachers are so hopelessly mired in a quicksand of paperwork, overdue grades, and missed deadlines that they can barely keep their heads above water.  Drowning Men are easily recognizable by the look of  sad desperation in their eyes as they pass you at a stumbling run-walk in the hall, mumbling things like "why the hell would they schedule the kid-talk for Rudolfo at the same exact time I'm supposed to be at the IEP for Jenna?" trailing post-it note reminders in their wake like an comets trails chunks of ice.  The theme of every Drowning Man's classroom is "half finished" - from the half-finished bulletin board on the wall to the half-finished stack of copying in their chair; from the half-cleaned pile of glass labwear piled next to their sink to the half-graded stack of essays bulging out of their overstuffed carpetbags. 
   
   
4. The Emo.  The Emo's objective is to make sure every student feels special and loved. You know this because, somewhere on the wall of their classroom, there will be a posters that says, "You are special" and "You are loved" - probably nestled between posters of kittens and smiling scarecrows.  The Emo's class rules include such admonitions as "Be a Good Friend" and "Do Your Best." Good luck finding their desk, because it's likely to be buried under pictures of family/former students/pets, "#1 Teacher" mugs/figurines, and a 365 Reasons to Love a Teacher desk calendars. Ask an Emo for a pencil and they'll selflessly loan you their very favorite, most special pen ... but be sure you return it, because Emo's cry at the drop of a hat, especially when students disappoint them 
   
   
5. The Martha Stewart. You get the feeling that teaching is merely the price that Martha Stewarts pay for all the fun they derive from decorating their classrooms. Given dollar store bargains and unlimited washi tape, Martha Stewarts can hack basically any classroom need.  As teachers, they tend to assign projects that require construction paper, glitter, and mad origami skills.  If every class has its own color coded supplies, if you change the decorative theme of your classroom more than 4 times a year, or if you have a Pinterest board devoted to classroom organization, then you may be a Martha Stewart. 
   
   
6. The Sigma Six. Sigma Sixes, like their corporate peers, are models of professional excellence. They eat data, drink statistics, and breathe best practices. Their classrooms look like teaching Centers of Excellence: walls hung with word walls and anchor charts; technology strategically deployed at the optimum student:computer ratio; desks arrange to maximize instructional efficiency.  At CLT meetings, they're the ones spouting sentences such as: "What we need here is a research-based strategy for improving metacognition in our students with executive processing deficits." Their mastery of social skills tends to determine whether Sigma Sixes are beloved or loathed by their colleagues.
   
   
7. The Shill. Shills aspire to be Sigma Sixes, but are held back by their tragic gullibility. For Shills, alas, truly believe in the efficacy of every new educational fad. There's not an educational celebrity or book-of-the-month they haven't at one time or another worshiped as the next "one ring to rule them all." Over time, their teaching style resembles a schizophrenic tapestry of constantly changing educational strategies - one year, the Shill's classes are engrossed in self-directed reading; the next year, every activity incorporates a Kagan strategy; the year after that, the kids are rotating in a confused daze through differentiated centers. Administrators tend to love Shills because their unique blend of gullibility and zeal makes them perfect proselytizers for their whatever new educational initiative their county/state has required their schools to adopt.
   
   
8. The Subversive.  Dedicated to thwarting authority, Subversives are the most likely of the archetypes to skip out on staff meetings, bus duty, and required professional development. In the classroom, they teach what, when, and how they want, regardless of pacing guides, unit plans, or administrative guidance.  At staff meetings, they'll be the ones wearing Hawaiian shirts or teeshirts emblazoned with dry, learned puns. Their teaching style tends towards sarcasm and irony, and their decorating scheme towards the eclectic: old concert posters, wartime propoganda posters, a laboratory skeleton attired in a boa and mardi gras beads. Of all the teacher types, Subversives are the most likely to assign banned books as required reading, facilitate Socratic seminars on race relations, and entertain their class with spectacular chemical experiments of dubious safety.  
   
   
9. The Whiner. As their name suggests, Whiners thrive on a diet of unsatisfactory students, unreasonable administrators, over-demanding parents, rude colleagues, ridiculous educational expectations, and perceived slights. They also tend to believe that their complaints gain in validity the more frequently they are repeated; thus, having formulated a gripe, they tend to restate it over and over again until interrupted by aforementioned rude colleagues.  New, innocent teachers often make the mistake of assuming that Whiners are in search of guidance and good advice; soon, however, they realize that their efforts to alleviate the Whiner's grievance(s) tend to be greeted with resentment rather than relief. Note that Whiners aren't necessarily bad teachers - they just thrive on a diet of unrelieved disappointment.
   
   
10. The Curmudgeon.  Curmudgeons long for the days when teachers were the gods of their classrooms and students knew their place.  Strict disciplinarians, their expectations are as high as their patience for misbehavior is low: students are expected to arrive promptly, attend silently, and raise their hands only if they suspect they are suffering an aneurysm. On the one hand, the Curmudgeon's methods are antiquated and opposed to almost every "best practice" introduced over the last 50 years; on the other hand, the combination of high expectations and relentless fear can be highly motivating to some students.  Curmudgeons are easy to smoke out - at your next staff meeting, simply praise, in a loud voice, any current educational fad, and listen for the teachers who snort in derision.
    
    
11. The Zombie.  Like their namesakes, Zombies are the remnants of creatures that once lived, breathed and loved, but that have perished and are now insensate hulks. They may imitate the motions of teaching, but Zombies are dead inside, either exhausted by overwork, burned out by stress, or drained of their passion, vampire-like, by the pervasive apathy of those around them. Since they have given up on complaining (along with everything else), busy administrators sometimes fail to note their comatose state, thus dooming legions of children to soulless, mindless instruction. Truly, the only humane thing to do is to force them out into the real world, where they will either discover a new passion for hunting brains or sink quietly into their graves, buried with an engraved "Congratulations on your retirement!" faux gold clock laid upon their chests where their hearts used to reside.

Literary Characters I'd Most (and Least) Like to Invite to a Party

If you could choose any characters from literature to invite to a big shindig - say, history's coolest New Year's Eve party - who would you invite?

(Note that I'm asking about literary characters you most want to PARTY with, which is a far different list than folks you might wish to invite over for a nice dinner party.  Completely different list, and maybe the topic of my next blog post ...?)

So, with apologies to Atticus Finch (love you, but you don't strike me as a party animal), Nancy Drew/Ned Nickerson (hearing about your adventures would be great, but I'd spend the whole party worrying someone might say something off-color and shock you), and Sherlock Holmes (you really need to work on your social skills, dude) - here's a list of the literary figures/couples that would definitely top my invitation list!

1. Lord Harry Flashman/Lady Elspeth Morrison Flashman (various titles, George MacDonald Fraser).  Not only would Lord Harry have hundreds of fabulous (albeit invented) stories of derring-do to share with the guests, but Lady Flashman would provide a comely bit of eye candy, ensuring that none of my single friends - male or female - would go away disappointed.
   
   
2. Bertie Wooster/Jeeves (various titles, PG Wodehouse).  Because someone's got to spike the punch, and then someone's got to make sure everyone gets home safely
   
   
3. Jay Gatsby/Daisy Buchanan (The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald).  Because someone's got to get the rest of the guests drinking and dancing.
   
   
4. Lord Peter Whimsy/Lady Harriet Vane Whimsey/Bunter (various titles, Dorothy Sayers).  Sure to add intellectual depth to the ensemble without dragging everyone down. (Added bonus: Lord Peter's mad piano skills. Sure to keep the party going until late into the morning hours!)
   
   
5. Rhett Butler/Scarlett O'Hara Butler (Gone With the Wind, Margaret Mitchell).  Counting on them to contribute dash, color, and that all-important whiff of scandal to the proceedings! 
   
   
6. Kimball "Kim" O'Hara (Kim, Rudyard Kipling).  He's learned, he's a bit of a rogue, and the stories he could tell about his travels and adventures ...!
   
   
7. The Wife of Bath (Canterbury Tales).  I've always pictured her as that grandmother you occasionally run across at family gatherings - the one that says outrageous things because they can.  Sure to amuse/entertain with ribald stories about life and romance. 
   
   
8. Emma Woodhouse Knightly/George Knightly (Emma, Jane Austen).  In addition to being charming and urbane company, I'm guessing Emma would make the best wingman(woman) ever!

Can't you just picture Lord Peter and Kim talking learnedly about oriental literature while Harriet and Jay cut a rug; Daisy and Elspeth sharing fashion tips while Flashman surreptitiously hits on Scarlett; Jeeves and Bunter one-upping each other with tales of the scrapes their masters keep getting into; Bertie and Harry drinking each other under the carpet; Rhett and Mr. Knightly discussing the perils of colonialism while Emma listens with delighted shock to one of the Wife of Bath's more salacious anecdotes; ? Best party EVER!

Speaking of which, here are the literary characters I'd least like to invite to a party, for the reasons stated:

1. Captain Ahab (Moby Dick, Herman Melville).  Because nothing's more boring than a guest who only talks about the one topic that obsesses them. 
   
   
2. Job (The Bible).  Can you imagine the conversation? What a downer!
   
   
3. Lady Chatterly (Lady Chatterly's Lover, DH Lawrence).  Whine, whine, whine!
   
   
4. Humbert Humbert (Lolita, Vladimir Nabakov).  How icky would it be to have to worry about him hitting on the daughters of my other guests?
   
   
5. Don Juan (legend/fable).  He'd distract the female guests and annoy the male ones.
   
   
6. Ebenezer Scrooge  (A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens). You just know he's going to double-dip those potato chips.
   
   
7. Hannibal Lector (Silence of the Lambs, Thomas Harris).  Everyone would feel oddly uncomfortable eating the meatballs.
   
   
8. Tom Sawyer/Huck Finn (various titles, Mark Twain).  Great guys, but I'm not entirely sure they wouldn't steal the silver.
   
   
9. Tarzan (or Conan) (legend/fable). Sure, they've lived adventurous lives, but is there anything more annoying than getting stuck at a party talking to the guest with the poor English skills and/or indecipherable accent?
   
   
10. The Cat in the Hat (various titles, Dr. Seuss).  I'm not cleaning up that mess!

10 Best Speeches from Movies

In talking to people about their favorite movies, I'm surprised how many people admit, upon further questioning, that it isn't really the whole movie that they love, but a particular speech embedded within the movie that they find themselves returning to again and again for entertainment, for inspiration, for enlightenment.  Which got me thinking about movie speeches that I find myself returning to over time.  I don't pretend that this is a definitive list, but I would argue that all of these speeches know how to bring the goosebumps if you're in the right mood for them. 

1. "Greed is Good" - Wall Street (1987).  "The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind." Decades from now, scholars won't need textbooks and analysis to understand the 1980-2010.  That era's narcissistic, Darwinian flaws are all laid bare in this marvelously succinct speech by Michael Douglas in his role as Gordon Gekko, an unrepentant arbitrageur, stock trader, and corporate raider. 
2. "America Isn't Easy" - The American President (1996).  "We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you Bob Rumson is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of it, and telling you who's to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections."  Seriously, they should consider making this speech part of the required curriculum in every civics classes in every high school in America.  It reminds us that democracy is hard, that our election process is dangerously superficial, and that we need serious people to address the serious problems that our nation faces.   [Michael Douglas again: the man knows how to pick a role!]
3. "People Will Come" - Field of Dreams (1989).  "For it is money they have, and peace they lack ..." intones James Earl Jones in this paean to the nostalgic (albeit impossibly sentimentalized) notion of a past time when dads bonded with their sons over playing catch, our love of baseball united us as a nation, and a part of us still embraced the possibility of magic.   
4. "St Crispin's Day" - Henry V (1989).  
   "This story shall the good man teach his son;
   And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
   From this day to the ending of the world,
   But we in it shall be remember'd;
   We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
   For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
   Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
   This day shall gentle his condition:
   And gentlemen in England now a-bed
   Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
   And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
   That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."
   Probably unfair to throw this one in, since Shakespeare was the screenwriter!  While Kenneth Branaugh does a brilliant job of delivering this powerful speech, it's the soaring rhetoric of the language that catches your breath and wrenches it out of your lungs.  Each time I replay this scene, I'm struck anew by the realization that people join the military today for basically the same reasons they did 1000 years ago: for honor, for glory, for brotherhood, and for the hope of immortality.
5. "Today We Celebrate Our Independence Day" - Independence Day (1996).  "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!" Another speech designed to rally the troops, but with a more global message.  Because, face it, if we can't all agree that aliens intent on destroying humanity deserve to die, what hope is there that the nations of the world will ever find common ground?
6. "The Most Important Discovery of My Life" - Beautiful Mind (2002). "I've always believed in numbers; and the equations and logics that lead to reason. But after a lifetime of such pursuits, I ask,"What truly is logic? Who decides reason?" My quest has taken me through the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional -- and back. And I have made the most important discovery of my career, the most important discovery of my life: It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logic or reasons can be found."  This speech is a powerful reminder that mankind's pursuit of science and understanding must be tempered by humanity and, yes, love. 
7. "I'll Be There". Grapes of Wrath (1940). "Wherever there's a fight so hungry people can eat, I'll be there. Wherever there's a cop beating up a guy, I'll be there. I'll be in the way guys yell when they're mad. I'll be in the way kids laugh when they're hungry and they know supper's ready…And when the people are eatin' the stuff they raise, livin' in the houses they build, I'll be there too." We intuitively know that the people we love go on living even after they leave us, but this universal truth has never been stated with such simplicity and grace as in this scene from the immortal John Steinbeck classic.
8. "I'm the Luckiest Man on the Face of the Earth" - The Pride of the Yankees (1942).  "People all say that I've had a bad break. But today -- today I consider myself the luckiest man
   on the face of the earth" intones the great Lou Gehrig in his final speech before thousands of adoring Yankees fans as he announces his forced retirement from baseball due to the diagnosis of the genetic disease we now know as ALS.  This speech is a lovely reminder that happiness isn't about getting everything you want; it's about being wise enough to appreciate everything you have. 
9. "Closing Argument" -To Kill a Mockingbird (1962).  "And so, a quiet, humble, respectable negro, who has had the unmitigated temerity to feel sorry for a white woman, has had to put his word against two white peoples. The defendant is not guilty. But somebody in this courtroom is." The irony of this great quote is, of course, that almost everyone in the courtroom is guilty - perhaps not of the crime of beating poor Mayella Ewell, but of perpetuating the grotesque racism that has led to Tom Robinson's trial (and, in the end, his death).  There are lots of magnificent courtroom speeches in the movies (indeed, this spot almost went to the great Bible speech from Inherit the Wind), but to my mind, none that can hold a candle to this lyric plea for social justice, delivered with brilliant reserve by Gregory Peck.
10. "Was it over when the Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor?" - Animal House (1978).  I had to include this speech because it is just so uniquely American.  How like us, as a country, to charge into the breach armed only with a shaky (at best) understanding of history but an unshakable sense of moral authority.