30 Signs That Christmas is Coming

1. Halloween costumes 90% off
2. Sales on turkey end; sales on ham begin
3. Tree lots mysteriously appear overnight
4. Token "happy" stories begin to appear on evening news
5. 500% increase in Chia-Pet and Snuggie commercials
6. Improbable products pitching themselves as "the perfect holiday gift"!
7. Noticeable increase in weight loss commercials
8. Families in matching outfits massed outside of photo studios
9. Children behaving suspiciously well
10. Huge increase in number of catalogs arriving by mail
11. Restaurant items suddenly available in peppermint flavor
12. Green and red bagels
13. Run on gelled fruit at grocery store
14. Scary balloon inflatables appearing in front yards
15. Co-workers disappearing for suspiciously-long lunch breaks
16. Normally tasteful people attired in tacky sweaters
17. Local weathermen start obsessing about snow
18. Painfully earnest Christmas specials
19. It's a Wonderful Life begins airing 24/7
20. Legitimate radio stations playing songs by the Chipmunks
21. Mailbox full of brightly-colored envelopes with handwritten addresses and jaunty Christmas stamps
22. Mailmen and newspaper delivery boys make point of greeting you cheerily
23. Painful holiday puns (aka "Santacular Sale!")
24. No parking spots
25. People wearing antlers
26. People singing in public without embarassment
27. 10,000 calendars to choose from
28. Civic organizations selling wreaths
29. "Santa Tracker" appears on NORAD website
30. Jews looking disgruntled and/or resentful
31. Camels all rented out
32. Huge increase in sales of cookies and milk