30 Signs That Christmas is Coming

  1. Halloween costumes 90% off
  2. Sales on turkey end; sales on ham begin
  3. Tree lots mysteriously appear overnight
  4. Token "happy" stories begin to appear on evening news
  5. 500% increase in Chia-Pet and Snuggie commercials
  6. Improbable products pitching themselves as "the perfect holiday gift"!
  7. Noticeable increase in weight loss commercials
  8. Families in matching outfits massed outside of photo studios
  9. Children behaving suspiciously well
  10. Huge increase in number of catalogs arriving by mail
  11. Restaurant items suddenly available in peppermint flavor
  12. Green and red bagels
  13. Run on gelled fruit at grocery store
  14. Scary balloon inflatables appearing in front yards
  15. Co-workers disappearing for suspiciously-long lunch breaks
  16. Normally tasteful people attired in tacky sweaters
  17. Local weathermen start obsessing about snow
  18. Painfully earnest Christmas specials
  19. It's a Wonderful Life begins airing 24/7
  20. Legitimate radio stations playing songs by the Chipmunks
  21. Mailbox full of brightly-colored envelopes with handwritten addresses and jaunty Christmas stamps
  22. Mailmen and newspaper delivery boys make point of greeting you cheerily
  23. Painful holiday puns (aka "Santacular Sale!")
  24. No parking spots
  25. People wearing antlers
  26. People singing in public without embarassment
  27. 10,000 calendars to choose from
  28. Civic organizations selling wreaths
  29. "Santa Tracker" appears on NORAD website
  30. Jews looking disgruntled and/or resentful
  31. Camels all rented out
  32. Huge increase in sales of cookies and milk

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