Are You a Democrat, a Republican, or a MAGA Republican?

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a MAGA Republican? Enjoy this convenient guide that clarifies the subtle differences! 

DEMOCRAT	REPUBLICAN	MAGA REPUBLICAN
Some rights are so essential, the federal government needs to protect access to them	Rights not specifically granted to the federal government in the U.S. Constitution should be left to states to decide	In general, no government has the right to tell people what they can and can't do. (So keep your hands off our gas stoves!)
Republicans are misguided	Democrats are misguided	Democrats engage in child sex trafficking and harvest babies for food
Illegal immigration is  unfortunate, but in general immigrants don’t pose a threat to the U.S.	Illegal immigration is a threat to U.S. security	The vast majority of illegal immigrants are either terrorists, criminals, disease carriers, here to steal our jobs, or here to live a life of luxury sponging off our social services. They deserve to be caged like the animals that they are.
Unbridled capitalism creates social injustice; regulations and unions are necessary to protect citizens from capitalism’s excesses	Financial markets operate best when freed of unnecessary regulation; most market systems work better if privatized.	Unbridled capitalism is what makes American great; if people are stupid enough to allow themselves to be exploited, that’s on them
Spending whatever is necessary to protect U.S. citizens is more important than fiscal responsibility	Federal expenditures should be moderate and fiscally responsible	The federal government should be fiscally responsible but also fund all the social services that directly benefit us.
“Traditional family values” perpetuate racial, economic, and gender injustice; basic humanism should be the moral code of all Americans	Traditional family values should be the fixed moral code of all Americans	If traditional family values perpetuate racial, economic, and gender injustice, then that's   because God wants things to stay that way.
If you increase taxes on the rich, the poor will benefit	If you reduce taxes on the rich, the poor will benefit	One day we’re going to be rich, because that’s the American Way; when we make it, we don’t want the government taking our money
America is the greatest country in the world, but we also have flaws we need to address	America is the greatest country in the world, and anyone who says otherwise is woke	America is the greatest country in the world, and anyone who says otherwise is a traitor
The best way to win wars is to avoid them	The best way to win wars is to maintain the largest, most lethal military force in the world	The best way to win wars is to nuke our enemies into oblivion
The U.S. government has an obligation to protect those who can’t protect themselves	People should pull themselves up by their bootstraps; social safety nets are morally corrupting	Social Darwinism, baby – only the strongest deserve to survive.
Human life begins at birth	Human life begins at conception	Nature intended women to be baby incubators & caregivers; any roles or rights that might interfere with this function should be terminated
The most effective way to address crime is via a combination of prevention, punishment, and rehabilitation	The most effective way to address crime is punishment	The only safe criminal is a jailed criminal – or, better yet, a dead criminal.
Our nation's energy needs should be weighed against potential environmental impacts	Our nation's energy needs should be weighed against potential economic impacts	As the superior race here on Earth, it’s our right to do whatever the hell we want with the natural resources we harvest.
Climate change is an existential threat	Climate change isn’t the threat that some make it out to be	Climate change is fake
The right to bear arms and to use them to defend oneself is conditional.	The right to bear arms and to use them to defend oneself is unconditional.	The right to bear arms and to use them for pretty much any purpose, however reckless or irrational, is unconditional.
Health care is a human right, and therefore should be guaranteed by the federal government.	Individual should bear the responsibility of securing their own health care from private providers, ensuring that people who can’t afford health care don’t sponge off those who can.	Health care is nice, but if people have to die in order to protect our country from becoming a socialist state, then so be it.
Freedom of religion means that no one should be allowed to impose their religious beliefs on others	Freedom of religion means that no one should be allowed to impose their religious beliefs on others - except Christians, because the founding fathers intended the U.S. to be a Christian nation	Freedom of religion means that Christians should feel free to discriminate against all religions that aren’t Christian
Marriage is a union between two people who love each other, regardless of gender	Marriage is a union between a man and a woman	Marriage is a union between a man and a woman in which the woman is subservient to the man’s will
With respect to international affairs, the U.S. needs to weigh its own interests against the need to guarantee essential human rights around the world	With respect to international affairs, the U.S.’s priority should always be to protect its own interests	America should take care of Americans, and leave the rest of the world the hell alone
The U.S. voting system is resilient to fraud; the ultimate objective should be to encourage everyone to participate in the process	The U.S. voting system is vulnerable to fraud; the ultimate objective should be to allow people who want to vote to do so, within reason	The U.S. voting systems is hopelessly corrupted, as proven by the fact that the our candidates keep losing. The ultimate objective is to ensure that our candidates win by whatever means necessary.