Great Titles for Country Songs

Just spent an afternoon driving through the heartland of Virginia, home of tobacco fields, wild turkeys, and country music radio stations.  Having nothing better to do, husband and I started inventing names for non-existent country songs we've love to hear.  Sometimes we even invented refrains.  (It was a long drive.)

What's funny is that no matter how awful our ideas, none of them - based on what we heard during the course of our outing, to included such catchy ditties as "Save a Horse/Ride a Cowboy" - seem actually beyond the realm of possibility.  For all we know, some of them may already exist.  A sense of humor is just one of the many things that makes country music great.

1. Jesus Knows That I Was Just Kiddin'.  REFRAIN: I'm tired of being blamed, I'm tired of being ridden/Jesus knows that I was just kiddin'!
2. One Beer Away From Forgetting You.  REFRAIN: I'm gonna make it past, I'm gonna make it through/ I'm just one beer away from forgettin' you.
3. My Best Friends are Dogs.  REFRAIN: A best friend loves you for no other cause/ That's why all my best friends are dogs.
4. Chicken Fried Heart. 
5. You Had Me at "Y'All"
6. You Blow Me Away (Like a Tornado in a Trailor Park)
7. I Like 'Em Big and Kind of Stupid.  REFRAIN: I'm done with the smart ones; are you listening, Cupid?/ Bring me a man who's big and kind of stupid
8. Halter Tops in Heaven
9. We Go Together Like Biscuits and Gravy
10. She Line-Danced Her Way Into My Heart.  REFRAIN: She's sashayed past my guard, she really knows her part/ That girl's line-danced her way straight into my heart
11. Scrapin' You Off My Boots
12. Our Redneck Rendezvous.  REFRAIN: You bring the pickup truck, I'll bring the brew/ We'll have a great time at our Redneck Rendezvous.
13. Can't Anybody Tell Me What I Did Last Night?  REFRAIN: There's an ace in my bra and my hair is a fright/ Can't anybody tell me what I did last night?

15+ Important Life Lessons I Learned in Kindergarden

The other day I was cutting/pasting text into a document, and found myself joking to someone over my shoulder: "If I'd known how important cutting and pasting were going to be, I would have paid more attention in kindergarten."

There you have it: the inspiration for this list of some of the other important life lessons we learn in kindergarden - but only if we're paying attention.

1. Always take time to look at the pictures
2. Show and tell is a skill you'll use the rest of your life
3. The "buddy system" works
4. Learn to draw now; it's your last chance
5. You'll never know what paste tastes like unless you try it
6. They wouldn't have put 64 colors in the box if you weren't meant to use them all
7. Afternoon naps are a wonderful thing
8. Never be afraid to get dirty
9. Magic is limited only by imagination
10. Always build time for recess into your day
11. Given enough blocks, you can build anything
12. No one ever got punished for coloring outside the lines
13. Everyone needs a cubby to call their own
14. Clean up after yourself
15. Sharing is caring
16. The world is full of wonder; you just have to open your eyes and look for it

10 Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Airline Pilot Say

10 Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Airline Pilot Say:

1. "Why do you think this button is blinking?"
2. "Can't believe you won that last round of internet Scrabble!  Best 41 out of 80?"
3. "I am so hung over - it's like the whole world is spinning."
4. "I hope I remembered to close all the doors."
5. "Ever since my wife left me I've been seriously considering suicide."
6. "Don't tell anyone, but I may have exaggerated a little on my application."
7. "My wife gave me this parachute for Christmas."
8. "Look, ducks!  I'm not sure I've ever seen such an enormous flock!"
9. "Did that tower just tell us to use runway 115 or 150?"
10. "Don't worry - there's no way those snakes could ever get out of their cages."