100+ Ways to Terrify a Teacher

How do you terrify a teacher? It's not easy! We're surrounded by some of the most horrifying work conditions imaginable: impossible expectations, widespread disrespect, hormonal teenagers ....

But our jobs can definitely be nightmarish, as the following list suggests. Here's my list of 100+ things sure to unsettle  even the most jaded teacher:  

1. There's a full moon. Ask any teacher: students get nutty on full moon days. (Parents too.) 
2.  It’s the day before winter or summer break … and admins have clearly communicated that instruction must occur: no parties, movies, or games. Ever been trapped in a cage with 30 hyenas scenting blood?
3. The day after Halloween. Trying to keep students on task All Hallow's Eve is bad enough ("Ms. T, my dinosaur costume keeps knocking over the beakers!"), but attempting to instruct them the day AFTER Halloween, when they're sleep deprived and sugared up like alcoholics at an open bar? They should give us hazard pay. 
4. Valentines Day. Soooooooooooooooo. much. drama.
5.  The copier jams just as you're trying to make copies for the class that's arriving
6. Due to cost constraints, admin decides to ration the copier paper
7. The school wifi goes down just as your students are accessing the day's lesson plan - which, of course, is entirely online
8. The projector bulb burns out just as you're beginning to deliver your lesson
9. The HVAC in your classroom fails on either the hottest or coldest week of the year
10. Being assigned to a new classroom and competing for cabinet space with the abandoned detritus of the 50-100 years of teachers that came before you. 
11. The district announces that they've invested in new software to replace the software you only just figured out how to use.
12.  Due to poor maintenance and vandalism, the only working bathroom is now on the other side of the building. 
13. Lice. Ringworm. Fleas. Bedbugs. Basically, vermin of any sort. 
14. Stomach flu is "going around"
15. "This notice is to inform you that one of your students has tested positive for ..."
16. The substitute teacher you lined up weeks in advance has just cancelled, and no one else is signing up for the job
17. Outdoor recess has been cancelled, leaving you trapped in a classroom with 30 feral ferrets for the next half hour. 
18. The coffee maker/soda machine is out of order
19. Someone ate the lunch you placed, clearly labelled, in the refrigerator in the teacher lounge.
20. Being tasked at the end of the year to dispose of all the mysteriously stained bags, moldy Tupperware containers, and tin foil blobs at the back of the same fridge. (Perhaps even discovering some of those lunches that went missing during the year!) 
21. The PTA "Teachers Appreciation Week" buffet is out of food by the time you get their because you were trapped in an IEP meeting that wouldn't end. 
22. You just realized your class pet is dead, and the day is only half over
23. Someone spilled glitter all over the classroom floor
24. The boys all got Axe body spray gift packs for Christmas
25. Someone lets loose a fart so foul, there's no choice but to implement chemical gas evacuation procedures
26. After class you discover the floor littered with spitballs, reminding you that there is literally no way to effectively police spitballs. Outbreaks wax and wane with the immutibility of ocean tides.
27. A group of students do *way* too well on a test, but you can't figure out how they cheated.
28. One of your students posts to social media a video of you doing something embarassing: dancing, making a face, or saying something preposterous. ("Don't make me call Santa Claus and tell him that you're goofing off!")
29. Dead-weight colleagues that rely on the rest of the team to do all the work for them.
30. Cliquey colleagues who, finding themselves back in a school setting, default to establishing  social hierarchies based off-hours socializing, access to admins, and condescension. Mean girls have nothing on mean teachers! 
31. Parents who email you evenings and weekends, and then get testy when you don't get right back to them
32. Emails from "those parents" - long, rambling missives that range from passive-aggressive to outright hostile. 
33. Finding out that parents are bringing an advocate with them to the IEP meeting.
34. Your students begins their sentence with "But my mom/dad said ...." ("... my soccer practice was more important than your homework," "... if it's not posted to the class website, I don't have to do it," "... you can catch me up on what I missed during your lunch period.")
35. Your admin begins their sentence with "I need to ask you a favor." Actual examples from my personal collection: Organize the school field trip; create and implement a school-wide community service project; participate in a skit for the pep rally; plan the end-of-the-year awards ceremony.  
36. All the chaperones that signed up for the field trip cancel at the last minute or no-show.  
37. The parent of 'that' students insists that "their child would never ...!" Other variations: "None of their other teachers have ever complained," "She certainly doesn't do that at home," and "You've had it in for our child since the beginning pf the school year!" 
38. Parents who expect you to parent their child. Actual examples from my personal collection: "Can you comb his hair if he forgets to do it himself?" "Will you tell me if she doesn't eat her vegetables?" "Will you try to sit him next to xxx, because I want him to be accepted by the 'cool kids'?"
39. Parents who pull their students out of school for 2-4 weeks but expect you to be able to assemble a packet of worksheets that will teach everything they're going to miss so that their grade isn't jeopardized.
40. One of your students is allergic to everything, so you're expected to wipe down their desk, chair, and all materials before every class - and if anything goes wrong, you will most definitely be held accountable
41. The student they're adding to your class mid-year is being transitioned from the "alternative high school"
42. One or more of your students has an IEP for oppositional defiance disorder
43. One of your parent emails you to let you know that their student forgot to take their ADHD medicine that morning
44. Your student is pale and nauseous, but the clinic is closed because the county health aid is absent ... again. 
45. A student throws up in the classroom, triggering a cascade of puking that sends half your class dashing to the nearest trash can or sink.
46. You finally transition "that" kid to the next grade, only to discover you're going to be teaching their younger brother/sister next year
47. A new Tiktok challenge - pour vegetable oil on the bathroom floors! remove one of the two screws that fastens the legs to the student chairs! - plunges the school into chaos. 
48. Running into former students at local restaurants, theaters, swimming pools, or stores. These encounters are most likely to occur when you're dressed in unflattering clothes, attending an awkward movie (something with a lot of sex, or ponies), or buying replacement underwear. 
49. Navigating packed parking lots and incredibly complex traffic patterns surrounded by cars piloted by drivers with, at best, learner's permits.  Remember those old driver's ed films featuring cars coming at you from every direction while, simultaneously, a dog darts out in front of you followed by a little kid paying no attention to traffic? That's nothing compared to the insanity of your average high school parking lot
50. It becomes apparent that some sort of ongoing drama has pervading your classroom via social media, triggering eruptions of astonishment, fury, and tears that prove impossible to teach through. 
51. "VIP" students, the children of fellow teachers, the principal, school board members, or local politicians. You just know you're being constantly watched and judged!
52. One of your students accuses you of something unprofessional: pushing, yelling, cursing. In this litigious age, teachers live in fear of being targeted by students or eager for attention, or vengeance.
53. An angry/scary student threatens physical harm as retaliation for some perceived slight. 
54. Admin drops in for an unannounced observation, inevitably choosing to visit your most chaotic class at the moment of ultimate pandemonium.
55. Admin call an unscheduled faculty meeting. No good news is ever shared at an unscheduled faculty meeting. 
56. The county/state decides to make big changes to the curriculum, requiring that you jettison all your beautifully designed lessons and start from scratch.
57. The county announces that they are going to implementing the latest educational fad, regardless of whether it is actually supported by, you know, evidence of efficacy. 
58. Admin insists that your CLT base major decisions about instruction on an in-depth analysis of data that you know to be deeply flawed and invalid. 
59. Your school decides to stage an active shooter drill without warning you in advance
60. Admin announces that, due to staffing shortages, they're going to need teachers to take on extra supervision duties (lunch, hallways, bus, recess)
61. In order to retain your job, you are being required to switch grades (or preps)
62. The county announces that, due to an excessive number of snow days, they're going to be adding additional days to the end of the year 
63. Admin asks you what you're going to do to remediate your students at risk of failing because they refuse to attend school or complete work. 
64. Admin requires you to submit lesson plans in advance - lesson plans that they have no intention of actually reviewing
65. Spirit weeks! Imagine 5 days of Halloween, with less candy but a thousand times more selfies. 
66. "Your colleague has called in sick but there are no subs, so we're going to need you to cover their classes." 
67. Admin arrives at your door to return the disruptive student you just expelled from your classroom 10 minutes ago
68. Your admin calls you at home on your sick day to quiz you about the details of your sub plan
69. You receive 10mins warning that the fire marshal is about to visit your classroom, requiring that you immediately cease all other activities in order to remove all your wall posters and door decorations. 
70. Admins asks you to follow up with parents who haven't turned in their beginning-of-the-year paperwork, because "many hands make lighter work." 
71. Admin decides that they're going to need you to "document the behavior" before they decide whether, how, or when to intercede
72. The front office needs to know if a particular student was in your class two weeks ago Tuesday - the one day you were too busy to take roll, much less notice which students might have been absent.
73. Your IA gets pulled to cover another classroom, leaving you with a lesson plan that requires an IA to implement.
74. You're "voluntold" to sign up for after school/weekend tutorials.
75. You're required to sign up for a school committee that meets during your planning period or after school.
76. Admin announces that all classes are going to be at overcapacity until the teacher shortage is addressed. But also, there aren't enough desks, so teachers are going to need to accommodate those extra students any way they can.  
77. ... Or, you're abruptly destaffed due to last minute deficits in enrollment
78. The state/county adds another 2-3 hours to your mandatory beginning-of-the-year PD to address all the issues they were sued over the previous year. 
79. Admin announces that they will no longer be approving leave on Fridays. Or Mondays. Or before holidays. Or after holidays. 
80. Your colleague or co-teacher goes on emergency leave, requiring that you do all their lesson planning. 
81. Your state announces that there will be no step increases/raises/cost of living adjustments this year. Or next year. Or for the foreseeable future. 
82. Winter break ends up being unusually short due to Christmas falling mid-week. 
83. The forecast calls for snow so you don't lesson plan - only to wake up to a light dusting and no school closures. 
84. Unnecessary (or unnecessarily long) staff meetings, primarily convened to allow admins to hear themselves talk.
85. The staff meeting begins with an icebreaker, apparently unaware that few things are as dreaded as icebreakers. 
86. The state announces a new initiative to base a significant portion of teacher evaluations on student/parent satisfaction surveys
87. Citing insufficient time and resources, admins announce that they are shifting responsibility for an increasing number of misbehaviours away from the front office (admins) and into classrooms (teachers). Because goodness knows teachers have plenty of time and resources for calling parents, hosting detentions, and enforcing dress codes. 
88. An unannounced fire drill interrupts a test that your students were going to need every minute of the period to complete. (Moreover, there's no way to prevent students from sharing answers as they're mingling out on the school football field, waiting for the "all clear" to return.) 
89. You learn there's no room or desk for you, so you're going to be expected to teach from a cart
90. The county decides to start school a week earlier
91. In the interest of cultural sensitivity, your county adds 15 "cultural observances" to the school calendar but then forbids teachers from delivering new content or give assessments on those days, apparently unaware that effectively cancelling 15 days of instruction might pose certain inconveniences.
92. In the interest of rigor, your admins decide to enroll all students in honors classes for the coming year
93. In the interest of equality, your admins decide to merge your gifted, general ed, special ed and ELL students into a single population, which teachers will be required to accommodate in blended classrooms by "differentiating." As if differentiation is something teachers accomplish with a magic wand rather than complex engineering. 
94. In the interest of facilitating content mastery, admins decide to allow students to turn in work up until the end of the quarter with no penalty, thereby removing the incentive for students to turn in work on time. Student to teacher: "I know you have to submit grades tomorrow morning, but the syllabus says you have to accept and grade the 10 assignments I turned in at 11:59 last night." 
95. In the interest of grading equity, admins decide to eliminate grades for homework, classwork or formative assessments, thereby removing the incentive for students to participate in these activities, while simultaneously creating a system that systematically punishes students who are poor test-takers.  
96. "Please hold your students in your room until we are able to restore power." Remember what happened in New York City during the Great Blackout - panic, riots, fires, hooliganism? That's pretty much what goes on in a middle school classroom every time the electricity goes out. 
97. "We're putting all the red zone students in one classroom for standardized testing, and we need you to proctor." I leave it to your imagination to consider the many ways that students lacking both motivation and boundaries can invent to disrupt a testing environment. (My personal favorite was the time they all started quacking like ducks.)
98. Admin clarifies that while teachers may ask students to put phones away, they may not actually confiscate phones. It's hard to overstate the idiocy of this policy, or the immense frustration of teachers provided no other option but to enforce it. 
99. Guidance from the county/state requires you to redo your curriculum to omit any content that could be potentially offensive to anyone, no matter how ridiculous 
100. The county/state requires you to teach during a pandemic. Without a mask. Because political gamesmanship trumps science, and lives.
101. "The principals wants to see you." Because, no matter how old you are, getting called to the principals office never ceases to be terrifying.