Great Titles for Country Songs

Just spent an afternoon driving through the heartland of Virginia, home of tobacco fields, wild turkeys, and country music radio stations.  Having nothing better to do, husband and I started inventing names for non-existent country songs we've love to hear.  Sometimes we even invented refrains.  (It was a long drive.)

What's funny is that no matter how awful our ideas, none of them - based on what we heard during the course of our outing, to included such catchy ditties as "Save a Horse/Ride a Cowboy" - seem actually beyond the realm of possibility.  For all we know, some of them may already exist.  A sense of humor is just one of the many things that makes country music great.

1. Jesus Knows That I Was Just Kiddin'.  REFRAIN: I'm tired of being blamed, I'm tired of being ridden/Jesus knows that I was just kiddin'!
2. One Beer Away From Forgetting You.  REFRAIN: I'm gonna make it past, I'm gonna make it through/ I'm just one beer away from forgettin' you.
3. My Best Friends are Dogs.  REFRAIN: A best friend loves you for no other cause/ That's why all my best friends are dogs.
4. Chicken Fried Heart. 
5. You Had Me at "Y'All"
6. You Blow Me Away (Like a Tornado in a Trailor Park)
7. I Like 'Em Big and Kind of Stupid.  REFRAIN: I'm done with the smart ones; are you listening, Cupid?/ Bring me a man who's big and kind of stupid
8. Halter Tops in Heaven
9. We Go Together Like Biscuits and Gravy
10. She Line-Danced Her Way Into My Heart.  REFRAIN: She's sashayed past my guard, she really knows her part/ That girl's line-danced her way straight into my heart
11. Scrapin' You Off My Boots
12. Our Redneck Rendezvous.  REFRAIN: You bring the pickup truck, I'll bring the brew/ We'll have a great time at our Redneck Rendezvous.
13. Can't Anybody Tell Me What I Did Last Night?  REFRAIN: There's an ace in my bra and my hair is a fright/ Can't anybody tell me what I did last night?

15+ Important Life Lessons I Learned in Kindergarden

The other day I was cutting/pasting text into a document, and found myself joking to someone over my shoulder: "If I'd known how important cutting and pasting were going to be, I would have paid more attention in kindergarten."

There you have it: the inspiration for this list of some of the other important life lessons we learn in kindergarden - but only if we're paying attention.

1. Always take time to look at the pictures
2. Show and tell is a skill you'll use the rest of your life
3. The "buddy system" works
4. Learn to draw now; it's your last chance
5. You'll never know what paste tastes like unless you try it
6. They wouldn't have put 64 colors in the box if you weren't meant to use them all
7. Afternoon naps are a wonderful thing
8. Never be afraid to get dirty
9. Magic is limited only by imagination
10. Always build time for recess into your day
11. Given enough blocks, you can build anything
12. No one ever got punished for coloring outside the lines
13. Everyone needs a cubby to call their own
14. Clean up after yourself
15. Sharing is caring
16. The world is full of wonder; you just have to open your eyes and look for it

10 Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Airline Pilot Say

10 Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Airline Pilot Say:

1. "Why do you think this button is blinking?"
2. "Can't believe you won that last round of internet Scrabble!  Best 41 out of 80?"
3. "I am so hung over - it's like the whole world is spinning."
4. "I hope I remembered to close all the doors."
5. "Ever since my wife left me I've been seriously considering suicide."
6. "Don't tell anyone, but I may have exaggerated a little on my application."
7. "My wife gave me this parachute for Christmas."
8. "Look, ducks!  I'm not sure I've ever seen such an enormous flock!"
9. "Did that tower just tell us to use runway 115 or 150?"
10. "Don't worry - there's no way those snakes could ever get out of their cages."

The Best (and Worst) Television of 2010

1.  Best of 2010
1. The Wire.  A show about law enforcement so real, even law enforcement officers praised it.  What the critics - and we - loved about the show, though, was that instead of exploring the phenomenon of crime in a vacuum, the show dared to expose its roots in failed education systems, corrupt political systems, and citizens willing to be manipulated by the media into believing what others wanted them to believe.  Talk about timely.
2. Lost.  2010 was the year we lost Lost, much to the dismay of the show's legion of generally satisfied though still-puzzled fans. Wonder if Hollywood appreciated the irony: one of their most popular shows wasn't a "lowest common denominator" reality show but a vehicle that required time, attention, loyalty, and critical thinking skills.
3. Breaking Bad.  This show about a chemistry teacher turned crystal meth maker has a theme that continues to resonate in this era of Wall Street bankers gone bad: once you first compromise your ethics, the long, slow, inevitable slide towards corruption begins.
4. Mad Men.  Season 4 of our favorite show about advertising may be set in the 1960s but the show's theme remains timeless: the disconnect between perception and reality, and the ability of people to find a way to believe what they want to believe. Too bad the fashion isn't timeless too - so many gorgeously tailored suits!
5. Boardwalk Empire.  Steve Buscemi chewed scenery as Nucky Thompson, an Atlantic City crime boss coping with the upheaval of prohibition.  Would Nucky's "civilized" approach to crime - avoiding violence, exercising a paternal responsibility for his neighborhood and organization - survive the influx of blood-soaked mobsters interested only in profit?  If you didn't get it before, the show slaps you across the face with it now: laws that attempt to impose one person's morality on other people tend to end in disaster.
6. The Pacific.  Everyone agreed it wasn't "as good as" HBO's Band of Brothers, but everyone also tacitly understood why: this episode in America's warfighting history was more ambiguous, more miserable, and a whole lot more brutal. The show didn't shy away from those realities.
7. The Good Wife.  Talk about timely!  This show tells the story of a political wife humiliated by the exposure of her husband's long affair with a hooker.  But the show goes further than merely giving us the answer we've always wanted to the question Why doesn't she leave him?, providing a sophisticated courtroom/political drama-driven soap opera unlike anything I can remember in television before
2. Other Noteworthy shows of 2010
1. Modern Family
2. Human Target
3. Life Unexpected
4. Parks & Recreation
5. Friday Night Lights
3. Worst of 2010
1. Bridalplasty.  Brides compete, Survivor style, for the chance to win free plastic surgery in time to look perfect for their weddings.  Demeaning on so many levels, I stopped counting.
2. Skating with the Stars.  Can we all agree that ice skating, when not performed at the very highest levels of expertise, is simply excruciating?
3. Toddlers & Tiaras. Little girls wearing too much makeup get bawled out by their moms for blowing the talent competition or gaining weight. Appalling.
4. Teen Mom.  I've heard some say that the show is worthwhile as a cautionary tale for the teens who watch it.  I've also heard some say it's an appalling piece of exhibitionism, exploiting teens who have so little self esteem they'll seek any attention they can get - whether from boys or television producers, both of whom should know better.
4. Shows that ended in 2010
1. Lost
2. 24
3. The Wire
4. As the World Turns
5. Heroes
6. Larry King Live
7. Law & Order
8. At the Movies
5. Television Trends
1. Shows/movies about vampires (Twilight:Eclipse, Vampire Diaries, True Blood), ghosts zombies (The Walking Dead) and all things weird/supernatural (Alice in Wonderland, Inception, Fringe, Supernatural) continued to dominate.
2. NCIS/CSI/Criminal Minds/Law & Order/Castle/The Mentalist/etc. continued to populate TV Guide's list of most-watched shows, proving that we Americans still love our formulaic crime dramas.  After a hard day at work, who wants to think?
3. The popularity of reality/talent shows continued to rise, a category now populated by television shows to include:  America's Got Talent, Dancing With the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, American Idol, The Sing-Off, Live to Dance
4. Shows about cooking: Hell's Kitchen, Top ChefJamie Oliver's Food Revolution, everything on the Food Network, and anything having to do with decorating cakes
5. Comedies: clever (30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, Community), mediocre (Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother) and just plain bad (Two and a Half Men)
6. Fading Fast.
1. Glee's ratings stayed strong, but the show increasingly relied on gimmicks (guest stars; tributes to Madonna, Lady Gaga and Brittany Spears; a Rocky Horror Picture Show tribute) to keep viewer attention - never a good sign
2. Men of a Certain Age.  Got some preliminary attention due to critics falling all over it, until people actually watched and realized the show was about middle aged guys whining about being middle aged.  Who needs a show that real?
3. Desperate Housewives.  Whoever came up with the idea of shooting the show into an alternative future in which Gabriella is fat and has children should be bound, gagged, and dropped into the La Brae Tar Pits.
4. American Idol.  Don't know why people are still watching - after years of seeing mediocres win while the real talent gets voted off in preliminary rounds, isn't it time someone starts questioning the paradigm?
5. Simpsons.  Breaks my heart to put this in the "fading" category, but the edge is gone and many of the shows are starting to feel rewarmed.
7. Won't Go Away
1. Extreme Home Makeover.  Don't think I can take too many more episodes of worthy people getting dream houses while everyone in the community cheers and cries.
2. Two and a Half Men.  I can't explain why this is still on the air.  Soon their going to have to call it two and a half grandfathers.
3. Scrubs.  Young people behaving immaturely is funny; old people behaving immaturely is just embarassing.  (See Seinfeld.)
8. Television News:
1. Some television shows won Emmy Awards.
2. John Stewart & Steve Colbert flouted their popularity by staging a fake political rally at the National Mall that drew over 300,000 people - more people that the vast majority of "real" rallies manage to draw.
3. Jay Leno and Conan O'Brian engaged in some sort of unseemly and overblown conflict over The Tonight Show.
4. Bristol Palin on Dancing With the Stars proved that Americans can  be partisan about anything, even dancing.

Top Technologies of 2010 (Successes + Epic Fails)

Thought it would be fun to revisit some of the year's hottest trends, as well as some of the most notable technology failures and flops.

1.  Tablet Computers (iPad).  2010 was the year that Americans as a whole were able to finally stop sniggering about the unfortunate name of Apple's latest toy long enough to buy about 100 million of them.
2. Cloud Computing.  When you think about the progress of external storage devices over the past 20 years ...  floppy disks ->3.5" disks -> zip disks -> external hard drives -> USB drives ...  you come to realize that storing data on little droplets of water suspended in the sky was practically an inevitability.
3. 4G.  For a long time I thought 4G indicated the ability of satellites to stream data at a rate of 4Gigs/second, which would be impressive indeed.  Silly me - turns out 4G stands for "fourth generation" - in other words, it's basically just a marketing gimmick, people!  And yet, my standing outside the local Apple store shouting this at customers as they enter the store seemed to have had little impact on overall sales of 4G technology.  Sometimes you just have to let go.
4. Smartphones (iPhone 4, iTouch, Droid).  If someone has asked me 20 years ago if I needed a phone that could play my favorite Frank Sinatra tunes, tell me how long to cook meat, and help me identify birdcalls, I'm betting I would have said no.  How naive I was then.
5. Smartphone Apps.  2% are actually useful (Google Maps, Documents to Go), 2% are wicked cool (Google Sky, Google Goggles), and the remaining 94% are stupid/unnecessary. Now that I think about it, though, doesn't this 2:2:96 ratio also apply to television, movies, internet content, and Facebook posts?  Could it be I've stumbled onto a reality-defining insight, like Murphy's Law?  I've always wanted a ratio named after me! 
6. Net Neutrality.  We Americans consider uncensored, unlimited access to the internet to be sacrosanct, rather like our 2nd amendment right to bear arms.  Can you imagine the ISP or government brave enough (or suicidal enough) to attempt to control internet content or access in the U.S.?   
7. Social Networking.  Social networking is in no way a new technology, but it continued to dominate headlines in 2010 - to the extent that even a movie about social networking (Social Network, the story of the founder of Facebook) managed to dominate theaters and win awards.  By way of perspective, the movie about Nelson Mandela's life (Ivictus) came in 7th. 
8.  HDTV.  Driven by huge drops in pricing, 98% of people in the U.S. purchased massive, HD-enabled flat screen televisions in 2010, 50% of which currently reside on cheap, pasteboard television cabinets purchased from Walmart. 
9. Television/Movie Streaming.  State-of-the-art 55" plasma television = $5000.  Netflix subscription = $17/month.  Ability to watch Hotel for Dogs in the comfort of your own living room, without the risk of running into friends at the theater who might ask you what movie you're there to see = priceless.
10. Ebook Readers.  If you can make that case that it's important to have your music collection available 24/7, then can surely make the case that it's important to have your book collection available 24/7.  Notice that this is predicated on the assumption that you can make the case that it's worth large sums of $$ to be able to listen to Barry Manilow whenever and wherever you may be. 
11. Augmented Reality.  This is all about apps that take pictures and then overlay them with virtual info, like Google Goggles.  This is, I have to admit, kind of cool.
12. 3D (television, movies).  I'm expecting a correlating spike in headache-reduction technologies for 2011.  (Or perhaps I'm just bitter because, with only one working eye, the whole 3D thing is never going to happen for me - sigh.)
13. Hybrid/Electric Cars (Prius, Volt).  Would like to think growing guilt over Global Warming precipitated the rush of people purchasing fuel-efficient vehicles and electric cars.  However, I'm guessing it was the laws allowing folks with Priuses and Volts to use the HOV lanes without paying.
14. Turbines.  The UK unveiled a huge turbine farm in the middle of an ocean somewhere.  Presumably it doubles as an underwater whale obstacle course.
15. Data Mining.  As opposed to actual mining, data mining in 2010 became scary efficient.  Admit it's a little offputting that everytime I log into Facebook these days, all the ads are for stair lifts, AARP membership, and donut hole medicaid insurance plans.
16. Ubiquitous Wi-Fi Access. The day I knew wi-fi had become ubiquitous was the day I saw, proudly posted in the window of my local McDonalds, a notice proclaiming: "Wi-Fi Available Here!"  Thank goodness I have instant access to the internet so I can look up the fat content of what I'm about to eat. 
17. High-Resolution Airport Scanners.  I understand why people are offended, but ask any woman who's given birth in a large hospital if, really, they have any dignity left to preserve.

Postscript: Seems fitting, as long as we're mentioning technology successes, to list some of 2010's headline technology failures:

1. Deep water oil rigs.  Don't know about you, but I know I won't be eating shrimp for the next couple of decades.
2. Chemicals capable of diffusing/dissolving underwater oil spills.  Though ultimately ineffective, for a while there it was a good thing to own Palmolive stock
3. Terrorist explosives technology.  Notable failures in 2010 included the Times Square car bomb in May and Fedex mail bombs in October.
4. Aircraft engines. Turns out all it takes to bring them down is a little volcanic ash. (Let's hope the terrorists keep using bombs and don't switch to ash.)
5. Dow Jones trading software.  At one point in May the Dow dropped over 600 points in five minutes, apparently because of a typo.
6. Whatever software we use to generate joblessness estimates.  Because, whatever software it is that we use now, it unfailingly predicted lower rates of unemployment than later metrics were able to actually verify.
7. Mine safety technology.  Seems like every time you turned on the television in 2010, the lead story had to do with trapped miners.  On the plus side, our "rescuing trapped miners" technology must be getting better.

Top Foods of 2010 (and what they say about us as a nation!)

iVillage recently posted their list of the 25 Most Downloaded Recipes of 2010.  I found the list intriguing for the insights it seems to provide about who, what, and where we were as a nation in 2010.  Read on and see if you agree ...

1. Bacon & Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese.  Fittingly, in a year dignified by financial crisis (unemployment tops 10%), political insecurity (divisive mid-term elections), war (Afghanistan), and natural disasters (earthquake in Haiti, volcanic eruption in Iceland), the #1 most downloaded recipe was that penultimate comfort food, macaroni and cheese ... made even more comforting by the addition of bacon.  Is there anything that bacon can't make even better?
2. Wicked Good Chocolate Peanut Butter Pudding Cupcakes.  This recipe is basically the confectionary equivalent of macaroni and cheese, featuring no less than four of our favorite indulgences - chocolate, peanut butter, pudding and cake.  Also, the juxtapositioning of "wicked" and "good" adds a nice touch, for if any year could claim the title oxymoronic, it was surely 2010.
3. Slow Roasted Apples with Maple Whipped Cream.  Proving that we Americans aren't averse to eating healthy foods, as long as you pile a lot of whipped cream on them!  Other examples of "pseudo healthy foods" that enjoyed popularity in 2010: energy drinks, fortified water, sea salt, dark chocolate, pop tarts.  
4. Chicken Parmesan.  It's fast, simple, cheap, and sounds a lot more elegant/elaborate than it is: basically, our nation's vibe in a nutshell. 
5. Caramel Macchiato Cider with Cinnamon Cream.  I blame Starbucks for our continuing love affair with ridiculously complex and snobbish desserts masquerading as beverages.
6. Strawberry Puffs.  A little bit of country in the middle of a whole lot of urban.
7. Meatball Sandwiches.  A little bit of working man in the middle of a whole lot of foodie.
8. Pumpkin Risotto.  I blame cable cooking networks for this silliness.  Risotto isn't about nutrition, it's about being able to pompously announce to your peers and coworkers: "As a matter of fact, we're having pumpkin risotto tonight."
9. Horseradish and Dill Cream Cheese Mashed Potatoes.  Sounds fancy, but when you get down to it, this is just mashed potatoes with a little bit of extra taste thrown in, demonstrating that while 2010 may have been the Year of the Hispanic (immigration wars in Arizona, drug wars in Mexico, appointment of the first Hispanic woman to the Supreme Court), our country's German/Irish cultural roots still go deep.
10. Swirled Cheesecake Brownies.  2010's go-to recipe for bake sales, office parties, baby/wedding showers and wakes, because some things - like marriage, babies, death schools in need of money, and offices in need of lame team-building functions - are eternal.
11. Pumpkin Fritters.  Speaking of oxymorons, love how this recipe juxtapositions pumpkin - as wholesome a food as there is - with "fritters," a method of preparation that involves battering and deep-frying.  Is there anything we Americans can't find a way to deep-fry?
12. Oven-Baked Veggie Chips.  A dish that even our nation's unofficial Healthy Food Czar, Michelle Obama, would approve of ... and even more so if the veggies come from a garden you've cultivated in your backyard or in cooperation with a nearby elementary school.
13. Mulled Cranberry Cider.  Cranberries were one of the beneficiaries of the year's obsession with weird fruits and their potential nutritional/dietary benefits.  Other beneficiaries included pomegranates, blueberries, blood oranges, pumpkin, and tomato juice.
14. Black Bean Nachos.  Did I mention that 2010 was the year of the Hispanic?  We may not like them sneaking across our borders, but we sure love their food.
15. White Bean and Lamb Cassoulet.  In a year that featured the release of the movie Julie & Julia and a huge spike in sales of Julia Childs' The Art of French Cooking, appropriate that there should be at least one "cassoulet" on the list.
16. Iced Tea with Cider, Mint and Honey.  In case you weren't noticing, there was a definite southern bias in our choice of celebrity chefs this past year, with Paula Dean leading the charge.  Even McDonalds took note of the trend, launching sweet tea as a permanent menu item nationwide.
17. Mozzarella-Stuffed Turkey Burgers.  As people continue to process the fact that red meat is basically bad for you in every possible way, turkey experienced a sort of resurgence in 2010.  Some fast-food restaurants even test-marketed turkey burgers as a menu item.
18. Spicy Oven-Fried Chicken.  America's response in 2010 to discovering that basically everything we enjoy eating is bad for us? Don't change what you eat, just change how you prepare it!  This was certainly the message proselytized by the television show The Biggest Loser and diet programs such as Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers.  True - we're now a nation of hypocrites, pretending that oven-fried chicken tastes as good as pan friend chicken, even though we all know it isn't so.  But at least we're skinnier hypocrites. 
19. Sausage and Spaghetti Squash Soup.  Sounds suspiciously like one of those recipes that David Oliver and his fellow celebrity chefs spent the past year trying to foist on school food services, laboring under the mistaken impression that if the name of the recipe includes "sausage" and "spaghetti", school kids won't notice that they're actually eating squash.
20. Grilled Sourdough Pizza with Tomato Pesto.  Fancy pizza isn't a new idea - the California Pizza Kitchen chain has sprawled as far as Virginia these days.  However, new in 2010 was a general upwelling of protest against really gross, tasteless pizza - enough of an upwelling that even Dominos Pizza had finally to relent and start using actual dough (instead of cardboard) in their version.  No longer are Americans satisfied with a huge amount of food for $5 ... now we expect it to be palatable as well!
21. Ina Garten's Herb-Roasted Turkey Breast.  Appropriate that at least one entre from the kitchen of the "Barefoot Countessa" should make the list.  (Weren't we just talking about oxymorons?)  She's the celebrity chef that gives all the foodies hope that they, too, may one day achieve fame and fortune - no formal training, no off-putting pretension (she cooks in an authentic faux barn!), and (best of all) no intimidatingly skinny waistline.
22. Maple-Mustard Pork Loin with Roasted Potatoes.  Touted as the perfect headliner for a gluten-free feast and demonstrating that, in 2010, people were still blaming gluten for everything from hyperactivity to autism.
23. Butternut Squash Tostadas.  A vegetarian entre, and therefore an appropriate entre for a year in which the news obsessed about locavorism, organic foods, canning, pickling, Pioneer cooking, and subsistence gardening.
24. Sticky Pecan Bites.  Just the thing to sustain you for another long day of standing in line at the local employment office.
25. Baked Breaded Eggplant with Marinara.  Eggplant?  Seriously?  I think the folks at iVillage threw this one in just to see if we were paying attention.  No matter how bad 2010 was, I just don't see Americans ever embracing eggplant. 

Postscript: Almost as fun as analyzing what's on the list is analyzing what didn't make the list; notably ...

1. Egg dishes. (Remember that big salmonella recall in August?)
2. Seafood. (No need to add oil when frying your fish - BP has done it for you!)
3. McRib sandwiches.  (Nothing good can come from knowing what's in them.)

30+ Categories of Sweet Desserts

According to scientists, our tongues can distinguish five types of tastes: pungent (acrid), sweet, sour, bitter, and salty.  In honor of the holidays, which is all about sweet foods, following is a list of some of my favorite go-to treats - a useful list in case you're trying to figure out what to prepare for dessert!

1. Brownies.  Nothing wrong with a basic chocolate brownie, though these days the fashion seems to be "fancying" them up by adding caramel, nuts, or flavored chips (mint, raspberry)
2. Butterscotch.   Like caramel, butterscotch can be fashioned into a delicious buttery candy or used as an ingredient in candy bars, cakes, or pies.
3. Cakes: So many delicious choices, I've devoted a whole blog entry to them!
4. Candies-chocolate.   Turns out pretty much anything tastes delicious if you coat it in chocolate! This category includes everything from m&ms to bon bons and truffles.
5. Candies-hard. Includes lollipops, lemon drops, peppermints, rock candy, ribbon candy, and candy canes
6. Caramel.  Available as a candy, but more commonly encountered as an ingredient in other sweets.  Without caramel there would be no toffees, no flans, no caramel chocolate bars, no caramel sauce for ice cream or caramel glaze for cakes; no caramel apples; and (say it isn't so) no caramel corn! 
7. Cheesecake. Top your basic cheesecake with fruit; or, add ingredients to the batter (chocolate, pumpkin, berries, lemon/lime, mocha, peanut butter) to create different varieties
8. Chewing Gum.   Includes regular chewing gums and bubble gum
9. Chocolate: dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate ... need I say more?
10. Cookies: Includes American cookies, English biscuits, wafers, animal crackers, biscotti, macaroons, gingerbread, and shortbreads.
11. Cotton candy.  Airy, flossy, sugary goodness!
12. Drinks - novelty.  Since the beginning of time people have been creating sweet novelty drinks, often by combining sugar, alcohol, and other ingredients into concoctions such as mulled wine, eggnog, or mead; today, we tend to call them "cocktails." Other sugary novelty drinks include flavored milk, lemonade, and artificial "fruit" drinks like cool-aid.
13. Drinks - soda.  Sodas deserve their own category, if only because they are such a dominant source of sugar in our everyday diets!  Today we have Coke and Pepsi but even during the civil war people enjoyed sarsaparilla.
14. Frostings/glazes.  Though one tends to think of your basic royal icing or fondant when talking about frosting, delicious sweet toppings can also be crafted out of cream cheese, marshmallow, caramel, and a variety of fruits.
15. Frozen treats:  Includes popsicles, snow cones, gelato, and sherbet
16. Frozen Milk treats: Includes ice cream in all its forms: bars, cones, pints, cakes, and milkshakes
17. Fruits:  Nature's original dessert!  This category includes raw fruits, poached fruits, dried/candied fruits, fruit smoothies, jellies, jams, and fruit juices.
18. Fudge. Like brownies, fudge is delicious plain but is also available in dozens of flavors.
19. Gelatin.  Includes gelatins like jello; also licorice and gelatin-based "gummy" candies (gummy bears, jellybeans)
20. Honey: Honey-based treats include challah, baklava, and candy corn; also, by the way, it can also be fermented to create a yummy alcohol generally called mead!
21. Liquors.  Given that alcohol is nothing more than fermented plant sugar, the wide array of sweet liquors available shouldn't be surprising.  Some of these include: Amareto, Kahlua, creme de cacao, Frangelico, and Grand Marnier
22. Marshmallow.  An essential ingredient in rice crispy squares, s'mores, and peeps.
23. Marzipan.  Marzipan, a dough made from almond flour (or sometimes other sweetmeat flour), can be shaped into cookies or works as a filling for chocolate candies.
24. Meringue. Meringue, a confection created by whipping egg whites until they turn into a froth, are great alone or topped with fruit.
25. Milk Products (lactose): Turns out adding sugar to milk products = fabulous!  Sweet butters and creams are the foundation of any number of delicious treats.
26. Molasses: Used in some spice cookies; also adds the "sweet" to many barbeque sauces and baked bean recipes. 
27. Nectar. One word: honeysuckle!  It may not be a major ingredient in anything, but if summer had a taste, it would be honeysuckle.
28. Pastries.  Includes doughnuts, beignets, napoleons, strudels, baklavas, croissants, fritters, eclairs, danishes, and turnovers
29. Pies/Cobblers/tarts: Includes pies, cobblers, and tarts.
30. Puddings/mousses/custards:  Includes American puddings (vanilla, chocolate, tapioca); thicker British puddings (plum pudding, etc.); mousses (basically, frothy puddings); and custards like crème Brule, blancmange, and flange
31. Relishes/chutneys/salsas.  Though we typically think of relishes as salty, delicious fruit relishes and chutneys are excellent spread on bread or served with meats.
32. Sauces/syrups. Sauces (ex: chocolate sauce, raspberry sauce) and syrups (corn, maple, blueberry) typically aren't served alone but add plenty of sweet when poured over breads, puddings, or ice cream.
33. Sweet Breads: In this category I'm including breads as well as breads with yummy things rolled into them: sweet rolls, cinnamon rolls, panettone, funnel cake, muffins, rugelach, and jellyrolls/yule logs all fit into this category
34. Sweetmeats: "Sweetmeats" is an old term for nuts: walnuts, pecans, peanuts, pistachios, poppy seeds, etc.  Eat them raw as snacks or use them as ingredients with other sweetables like cakes, pies, brittles, or candies
35. Taffies/nougats.  A category of extremely chewy treats - delicious but hard on the teeth!
36. Truffles.  A delicious combination of cake, pudding, and fruit - often with a sauce or topping thrown in!
37. Wines.  Several varieties of wine are known for their sweetness, including Rieslings, gewurtstrameners, and sauternes.

A Thousand Words: Booby Humor

50+ Great Cakes

As if this month wasn't busy enough, my family celebrates about 6 birthdays in December.  Which must explain why I'm thinking, not about how on earth I'm going to catch up on my Christmas shopping, but about cake. The following isn't meant as a comprehensive list of all cakes, but it is a comprehensive list of all the best cakes I've ever run across in my life.  (By the way, I'm not separating out cupcakes or bundt cakes, as these are shapes, not categories, as far as I'm concerned.)

1. Battenberg Cakes.  Take one or more butter cakes in different flavors, cut them into blocks, re-assemble them (with the aid of jam) into architectural constructs, and then spread frosting over the result. Battenbergs contain the kind of dazzle meant to impress at formal teas and showers.  Variations include chess cake
2. Butter Cakes.  You swirl the caramel into the batter, and then finish it off with a caramel/nut frosting.  Genius.  Variations include chocolate, devil's food cake, lemon, marble, red velvet cake, strawberry cake, vanilla cake
3. Butterscotch/Caramel Cakes.  You swirl the caramel into the batter, and then finish it off with a caramel/nut frosting.  Genius.  
4. Coffee Cakes.  A version of the basic pound cake with various extra ingredients stirred into the batter -  berries, apple, nuts, streusel, etc. - and served without frosting.  I'm especially fond of the ones with cinnamon crumb toppings. 
5. Fruit/Nut/Spice Cakes.  Unlike layer cakes, these cakes have the fruit and nuts baked right into them.  The boozy Christmas version gets a lot of bad press, but can be delicious when properly make. I have an affection for what some call a Hummingbird cake, which folds pineapple, bananas and walnuts directly into the batter. Variations include genoa cake, German chocolate cake, Hummingbird cake, Italian cream cake, jam cakes  
6. Ice cream cakes.  Like mousse cake, it's two desserts in one.  My mom was making them long before you could pick one up at the Baskin Robbins on your way home.  Variations include baked Alaska.
7. Layer Cakes.  Butter cake + layers of fruit (possibly imbedded in cream or custard) = delicious!  Variations include Black Forest cake, Boston Cream Pie, coconut cake, lemon cake, raspberry cake.
8. Liquor Cakes.  I love how quickly you can vary the taste of cakes just by adding a flavorful liquor. My sister added amaretto to my wedding cake and now that's what people remember about my wedding.  Variations include amaretto cake, creme de menthe cake, eggnog cake, Grand Marnier cake, khalua cake, Lane cake, irish cream cake, pina colada cake, whisky cake. 
9. Mocha Cakes.  Variations include Black Russian cake, cappucino cake, tiramisu cake.
10. Pound Cakes.  Pound cakes are "denser" than butter cakes, which makes it possible to add novelty ingredients without creating a spongy mess.  Variations include applesauce cake, cream cheese cake, King cake, pudding cake, yogurt cake.
11. Punch/Poke Cakes.  Bake a basic butter cake, punch holes in it, and then fill the holes with a variety of good things. The result tends to be colorful and incredibly moist.  Variations include pineapple punch cake, peach punch cake, jello punch cake, lemon punch cake.
12. Spice Cakes.  Because sometimes something as simple as tweaking the spices is enough to create a delicious cake. Variations include gingerbread, spice cake
13. Sponge Cakes.  Classic sponge cake paired with fresh fruit and cream - liquid or whipped.  It really does taste like a little slice of heaven.  Variations include angel food cake, chiffon cake, shortcakes 
14. Upsidedown Cakes.  With this you get not only cake and fruit, but also a delicious carmelized layer of brown sugar that adds the perfect amount of sweetness and gooiness.  Variations include banana upsidedown cake, pear upsidedown cake, pineapple upsidedown cake.
15. Vegetable Cakes.  Suppose I could list this as a variation of your basic spice cake, but the carrots add a heartiness and moistness that plain spice cake lacks.  Variations include carrot cake, pumpkin cake, sweet potato cake, zucchini cake.

I've also encountered some cakes that I'm not so sure of.  Tomato soup cake?  Cantaloupe cake? Rhubarb cake?  Ricotta cake?  The prospect is almost enough to make me swear off of pot luck buffets.

Don't see your favorite here?  Let me know!  Hate to think that I might be missing out on something good.

30+ Uniquely American Foods

It seems a very great hypocracy that the same countries that denegrate us for our food are often the ones that have lines stretching out the doors of the local McDonalds.  I think it's time to look at U.S. food realistically.  Sure, it's often appallingly unhealthy, but is it more unhealthy than Germany's staple, the ubiquitous wurst, or England's staple, fried fish?  I think it's time for Americans to stop being ashamed of our cuisine and to proudly celebrate its meaty, greasy, creamy greatness.

Following is my list of foods that, to me, represent signature U.S. food.  Some of these dishes, I realize, are not technically indiginous, but though they may have sprung in other soil, it is in the U.S. that they have taken firm root and flourished.

Let me know if I've missed any of your favorites!   

1. Barbeque.  Okay, so the art of preserving meat by adding vinegar or salt and/or smoking is ancient ... but it was here in the US that we figured out how to use slow cooking and molasses to turn what was basically dried meat jerky into a succulent, juicy, "fall off the bones" treat.
2. Hamburger.  Face it: the hamburger is America's "everyman" food - enjoyed by every class. 
3. Fried Chicken.  Just like us Americans to take a healthy food and figure out how to make it more fattening.
4. Chicken Wings.  Another American gift: figuring out a way to rebrand something no one wants to make it desirable. 
5. Meatloaf.  For folks who really want a hamburger but can't afford the bun.
6. Turkey.  One of the best reasons to be an American: Thanksgiving.
7. Corn.  Indigenous to North and South America, the U.S. has made corn "ours" by virtue of grits, succotash, cornbread, johnnycakes, popcorn, and corn on the cob dripping with butter. 
8. Peanuts/Peanut Butter.  It isn't a ballgame without peanuts, and it isn't a bag lunch with a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.  Second greatest food pairing of all times (after PB&J): PB and chocolate. 
9. Pecans.  Pecans are another sweetmeat indiginous to the U.S.  God bless whoever figured out how to transform them into praline candy and pecan pie.
10. Ice Cream.  Give me a good old fashioned scoop of vanilla over gelato any day.  Other American contributions to the world (you can thank us later): ice cream cones, milk shakes, and root beer floats.
11. American Pizza.  We all know pizza is Italian, but much like how reindeer evolved to elk when they hit North America, what we call pizza here is far removed from its ancestral origin.  (Food Darwinism - cool!)  So bring on the deep dish crust, smothered in tomato sauce, topped with pounds of cheese, and smelling faintly of steamed cardboard!
12. Soul Food.  The origin of soul food is slavery, which is makes this cuisine uniquely, though disturbingly, American.  Slaves and other indigent people in the South found ways to turn neglected crops - like black eyed peas, kale, and collard greens - with the neglected bits of butchered animals - chitlins, ham hocks, etc. - to create food that tastes a lot better than it sounds.
13. Breads.  Of course we didn't invent bread.  But we did invent pancakes for breakfast, hushpuppies, and bisquits drenched in sausage gravy.
14. Jello.  Other countries have geletin, but we're the ones that figured out how to turn it all colors of the rainbow, suspend foreign objects in it, and mold it into mysterious shapes. 
15. Potatoes.  Given the number of Americans who can trace their ancestry back to Germany or Ireland, no wonder the U.S. has a love affair with potatoes. Our lasting contributions to the potato genre: french fries, potato chips, and potato skins.
16. Pies & Cobblers.  We didn't invent pie, but I would argue we've have done more than any other country to expand the pie and cobbler art form to embrace not only timeless classics like apple pie, but also indiginous favorites to include huckleberry, blueberry, and pecan pie.
17. Macaroni & Cheese.  The ultimate comfort food, although most Europeans are still trying to figure out why American cheese is orange.
18. Bagels.  Many thanks to our Jewish neighbors in New York for this American classic!
19. Casseroles (aka "hot dishes" aka "covered dishes").  I'm not talking about Julia Child's casoulets - I'm talking about good ol' American casseroles, the ones that use condensed soup as a base and are inevitably covered with cheese.   Undoubtedly there's a reason no other country is clammoring to claim this unique but dubious American classic.
20. Cookies.  Especially chocolate chip cookies.  Ours our nothing like what they call "bicuits" in other countries, thank goodness.
21. Creole Food.  Another food arising from America's polyglut past, creole food blends traditions from the Caribbean, French cuisine and Southern cooking to give birth to uniquely American dishes such as jambalaya, gumbo, and etouffe. 
22. Condiments.  The world has us to thank (or not) for mayonaisse, catsup, and maple syrup. 
23. Soda/Pop.  Thank you, Coca Cola, for Santa Claus!  And thanks also for that 70s anthem "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing," Super Big Gulps, and our current epidemic of overweight teens.  Root beer is particularly American: I have a European friend who adores root beer and says you can't get it anywhere else.
24. Iced Tea.  I have it on good authority that many Europeans find absolutely appalling our habit of adding ice to perfect good tea.  I'm betting they live in places where temperatures  don't reach 100 degrees during the summer.
25. Sandwiches.  Lots of countries lay claim to having invented the sandwich, but Americans have brought more inventiveness to the task than most.  Case in point: hoagies/dagwoods/subs, philly cheesesteak, reubens, and muffulettas.
26. Hot Dogs.  I'm sure American hot dogs can trace their ancestory to English sausage or German wurst, but our version - plopped in a bun and topped with condiments - is uniquely American.
27. Chili.  Okay, so we stole the spices and tomato base from Mexico, but it was our idea to add weird stuff like buffalo, pasta, and cinnamon. 
28. Salads.  America's penchant for eating raw vegetables is looked at with askance by many folks from around the world, as well as most toddlers.  However, we have found ways to make raw veggies more palatable by burying them beneath dressing (see Condiments-Mayonaisse), meat & cheese (cobb salad), fruit (waldorf salad) and fish paste (caesar salad) 
29. Cheese-Based Snack Foods.  I wince at having to claim this as a uniquely American food, but there's a reason so much of the rest of the world holds us in disdain, and I suspect this may have something to do with it.

Careers for People Who Love Food

Recently a student of mine was struggling to identify things that he might want to do when he "grows up".  Finally, in a rather embarrassed way, he suggested that he might be interested in something having to do with food.  I think he was a little stunned when I proceeded to rattle off a whole list of jobs that would allow him to work with food.  This list is in his honor, but I admit to having thoroughly enjoyed compiling it - imagine being paid to eat!

1. Chef.  Requires training, but not necessarily at a cooking school - some restaurants will allow you to start off as a lowely commis and work your way up.  Some variations include sous chef, saucier, pastry chef, and garde manger.
2. Personal Chef.  If the idea of working in a frantic, crowded, steaming kitchen doesn't appeal to you, offer your services as a personal chef to people who have more money than they do time.
3. Caterer.  Join an existing catering company or start your own. You can specialize in food preparating, "plating" (making it look pretty) and/or serving.
4. Baker.  Find employment at a going concern or branch out on your own, selling baked goods to local stores or at farmers' markets.
5. Confectioner.  Making candy for a living - now that's a career I could get behind!
6. Cake decorating.  You don't actually have to be as gifted as those folks on the cable television decorating shows (though if you are, you'll never want for work!).  Plenty of grocery stores and stand-alone bakeries looking for people capable of creating good-looking cakes at a brisk clip.
7. Farming/Gardening.  Grow your own!
8. Wine-making.  You can make your own wines, or sell your grapes to wineries who will do the work for you.  Lots of opportunities to sponsor/attend events that focus on how to pair wines with good food.
9. Brewing.  Make your own beer!
10. Sommalier.  Or, if you enjoy wines but have no interest in growing them yourself, become a sommalier - that guy at the fancier restaurants who recommends the wines and decants them for you. Note: You must look good in a tux or gown.
11. Cooking Instructor.  Market your food prep skills by offering cooking classes.  You'll be especially desirable as a teacher if you have some specific expertise to offer: ex, French cooking, gluten-free cooking, cake decorating, cooking for children.
12. Cookbook Author.  Or, if you don't want to teach, try assembling your best recipes into a cookbook.  If you're lucky, a major publisher will pick up your cookbook and market it for you.  If you'd rather avoid that hassle, however, you can always sell your cookbook at craft shows/farmers' markets or even online.
13. Dietician.  Help people conquer their struggles with food by becoming a dietician.  The job isn't just about helping people lose weight: you'll also have an opportunity to help athletes, diabetics, chemotherapy patients, people with food sensitivities, and others. 
14. Test Kitchen Employee.  Yes, this is a real job!  Cookbook and cooking magazine publishers always test the recipes they plan to publish.  Not sure exactly how you land one of these jobs, but I know they're out there!
15. Food Critic.  You don't have to work for The New York Times or Fodors - even local newspapers regularly run restaurant reviews.  Or, if you aren't so worried about getting paid, create a blog and post your restaurant reviews there.
16. Restaurant/Food Service Worker.  One of the most obvious ways to work with food is to join the staff of a company that specializes in food/hospitality.  Just choose your venue: fast food joint, classy food joint, food cart, bar, hotel ...
17. Restaurant/Food Service Owner/Manager.  If preparing/serving food doesn't appeal to you, consider a position that will allow you to focus on brainstorming menu choices, shopping for unique/quality ingredients, and creating dining experiences.
18. Event Planner.  People who plan weddings, conferences, etc. are expected, as part of the job, to provide appropriate dining alternatives.  The cool part is that many caterers/restaurants/hotels, eager to win your business, will offer "comped" meals and tastings.
19. Food Bank/Community Kitchen.  If the idea of blending cooking and community service appeals to you, considering working at a community food bank or kitchen.
20. Food Journalist.  You don't have to criticize food to have an excuse to write about it - just pick up an edition of Bon Appetit or Weight Watchers magazine and count how many articles there are in each.  Someone's got to write them - why not you?
21. Culinary Travel Specialist.  Why not combine your love of food with your love of travel, by getting into the so-called "food tourism" business?  I'm guessing this usually involves organizing trips to exotic foreign destinations, though there may be a business to be made out of arranging local food tours, if you're lucky enough to live in an urban area where international offerings are abundant.
22. Food Scientist/Chemist.  If the science of cooking appeals to you, consider becoming a food scientist or chemist.  Plenty of companies out there eager to invent the next big thing: frozen foods that don't taste frozen, fruits that don't spoil, or the Holy Grail of food science, a side-effects-free sugar substitute
23. Food Photographer.  If you're into photography, consider specializing in food.  There's a great deal of art that goes into making food look delicious, fresh and appetizing, and people are willing to pay for the services of a photographer who does this well.
24. Grocery Store Employee/Manager.  All the fun of working with food without having to worry about preparing/serving it. 
25. Personal Grocery Shopper.  It's not glamorous, but if you like the idea of shopping for food using someone else's money, more and more grocery stores are offering this as a service to customers who don't have the time or ability to do their own shopping.
26. Theatre.  I stuck this one on the list because you always hear about theaters/studios setting up big food tables so the performers and technicians can grab sustainance in between takes.    
27. Politician/Lobbyist.  Frequent wining/dining is a prerequisite for both jobs - the major difference between them is who pays.
28. Celebrity.  Become a celebrity and you'll never have to pay for food again!  Everyone will be eager to shower you with free meals and delicacies.  The downside, of course, is that if you want to continue to be a celebrity, you'll probably need to watch your weight.  Cruel, isn't it?

50 Careers for People Who Like to Work Alone

Do you have a personality that irritates others?  Or do others have personalities that irritate you?  Does the buzzword "teamwork" make you bristle ... or, worse yet, break into a cold sweat? 

Seriously - my eldest son is blessed with a high IQ, intellectual curiosity, and a great work ethic.  However, he is also an extreme introvert, has a speech impediment, and isn't exactly patient when it comes to tolerating fools.  The kind of guy, in other words, who needs to work somewhere far from the maddening crowd.  All of which has started me wondering what sorts of careers are available out there for folks who would prefer to earn an income without having to deal with a lot of human interaction.

1. Animal-based careers.  Assuming you're okay with animals, just not people, some possible careers include working as a breeder, vet, kennel worker, dog walker, pet sitter, zookeeper, etc.
2. Archivist/librarian.  A great career for people who enjoy books, cataloging, and/or find hissing "shhh!" at total strangers to be a power trip.
3. Artist.  Creating art is an inherently independent effort; painters, photographers, handicrafters, potters, sculptors, and their ilk possess the ability to observe the world without necessarily interacting with it.  The challenge, of course, is finding a way to sell one's artwork without having to deal with galleries, magazines, or craft fair organizers. Thank goodness for the web.
4. Athlete in solitary sport.  Lots of sports emphasize individual effort over teamwork, to include marathoning, swimming, diving, bicycle racing, kayaking, surfing, scuba diving, skiing, rock climbing, surfing, sailboat racing, etc.
5. Caretaker.  Steven King's novel The Shining may have given caretaking a bad name, but it's not all spooky mansions, snow-bound mountains, creepy twins and demonic hedge animals.  Locations as varied as estates, cemeteries, earth stations and weather stations require caretakers to attend to basic facilities needs.
6. Close Captioning Typist.  I don't actually have any information about this job, but have always imagined it involves sitting in a cubicle, wearing headphones, watching TV and furiously typing.  Or maybe these days there's software that does the work?
7. Clothing/shoe creation/repair. Once you've taken the measurements, each job requires blissful hours of solo cutting and sewing.
8. Computer programming/networking.  If I weren't doing this alphabetically, this entry would probably deserve to be first.  The work is lucrative, easy to find, and wonderfully isolating: a really juicy networking problem or coding assignment can potentially cut you off from all social contact for weeks at a time.
9. Courier/Deliveries. Lots of stuff besides pizza needs picking up and delivering: think mail, packages, trash, newspapers, dry cleaning, medical samples, confidential legal material, expensive jewelry, cars, etc.
10. Crime.  Hey, I'm not recommending it as a career choice - simply noting that it is, in fact, a career that lends itself to solitary effort.
11. Custodian/maid.  Custodians at hotels and office buildings seem rarely to interact with anyone.  Perhaps because they are simply too busy.
12. Data Analysis.  Tons of jobs out there for people who like to analyze data.  I know this because, in just the past 24hrs, various forms of media have informed me that (1) kids diagnosed with ADD are at higher risk for heart disease later in life, (2) the economy is actually recovering, if you take into account about 20 extenuating circumstances, and (3) it is a statistical improbability that Donovan McNabb will remain healthy enough to work off the huge new contract he just signed for the Washington Redskins. 
13. Data Entry/Retrieval.  Until every tidbit of information in the world has been transferred to computer (which can't be too far off now), there will continue to be a need for files clerks to categorize, catalog, sort, store, and retrieve paper-based information.   I recommend any organization or agency affiliated with local government.
14. Equipment Operator. Lots of jobs out there operating big machines with little cabs/offices: toll bridges, cranes, oil rigs, rollercoasters, snowplows, etc.
15. Explorer.  Make a career out of going places where no man has gone before: the arctic, above a rainforest, under the ocean, outer space ....
16. Factory Work.  The upside is that, as long as you're doing your job, no one's going to interrupt you.  The downside is the tedium of potentially doing the same tasks day after day after day.  Your call.
17. Farming/Ranching.  This category incorporates a huge range of jobs, from plowing fields to picking fruit, from raising chickens to milking cows.  Lots of opportunities for solitary work, as long as you don't mind mosquitoes.
18. Firespotting.  Isn't this the first job everyone things of when you talk about "lonely jobs"?  I don't know how many of these jobs are actually available, but I can think of worse careers than sitting in the middle of a lush forest, reading books and occasionally scanning the horizon for smoke plumes.
19. Garage/Tollbooth Attendant.  Not a bad gig if they let you listen to your iPod while you're working.  Plus you can work on assembling a first-class coin collection.
20. Gardening/Landscaping/Nursery Work/Forestry.  The plants aren't going to mind if you don't talk to them.
21. Graphic Design.  Decided not to lump this in with "artist" since it's more of a career than a vocation.  And a pretty lucrative career at that, if you've got talent and can sign up with an agency that will handle all the pesky client touchy-feely stuff on your behalf.
22. Internet/Online Careers.  Become a blogger, online journalist, wiki writer or web portal host and interact with the world without ever actually having to change out of your pajamas.
23. Inventor.  Isolation is practically a job requirement, lest anyone steal your great ideas.  Potentially lucrative fields include iPad/Kindle apps (Apple/Amazon being equally desperate to justify purchase of their respective products), alternative energies (Obama's still hoping green is the next internet), and/or life-saving technologies for 3rd world countries (Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation - pockets don't get any deeper!)
24. Lifeguard.  Another one of those careers where you're surrounded by people but essentially alone.  If anyone tries to bug you while you're sitting on your stand you can just tell them: "Can't talk. Have to stay vigilant."
25. Lighthouse Keeper.  Another career that automatically comes to mind when someone mentions solitary jobs.  To tell the truth, I'm not even sure this job is available anymore, due to improvements in automation, but it's certainly one of the more romantic options on this list.  Think tretcherous shorelines and storm-tossed seas, moaning foghorns, billowing fog, and the ghosts of dead sailors lingering among the waves.
26. Long-Haul Truck Driver. Make a downpayment on a rig and start living the life of a long-haul trucker.  No need to be bound by stereotypes:  feel free to eat healthy and spend the time improving your mind by mastering classical music and listening to great literature (or college courses) on audio.
27. Mathematics-Based Careers.  Try it - just tell someone you're mathematician and watch them hasten to leave you to your own resources!  Respectable wages await folks able to qualify for employment as actuaries, accountants, bankers, investors, codebreakers, handicappers, and statisticians. 
28. Mechanic.  If you're competent, doesn't matter how rude your are: your customers will never let you go!
29. Monk.  Again, not necessarily recommending this as a career: just saying that if you fancy limited wardrobe choices, stark accommodations, and atonal music, this is an option to consider.
30. Movie Projectionist.  Do theaters hire movie projectionists any more, or is this all done automatically?  Am kind of hoping humans are still in charge, as this was the go-to career for loners with a fancy for cinema back when I was a kid.
31. Musician.  Though you typically have to perform with others, there is no requirement to socially interact socially with them.  Plus, remaining aloof creates the impression that you're brilliant and eccentric.
32. Night Shift Employee.  When most of the world goes to sleep, a few solitary souls emerge to keep things running through the wee small hours of the morning.  Some institutions that require night work include stores (restocking), hospitals, hotels, convenience stores, tollbooths, airports, and astronomers.
33. Park ranger.  If you can duck out of having to lead tours, there are plenty of other solitary jobs that require doing, from grooming trails to monitoring/tagging wildlife, environmental testing, and/or maintenance.
34. Philosopher/Theologist.  People will beg you not to tell them what you're doing.
35. Pilot.  I'm picturing the sort that fly their own planes, delivering corporate bigwigs to important meetings or packages to isolated locations. 
36. Reader.  I'm thinking of those folks that record the text of books onto tape for the benefit of folks who have vision impairments or who enjoy listening to books rather than reading them.  Getting the gig to do War and Peace has to qualify as full time employment!
37. Researcher.  Am distinguishing this from data analysis because there's are plenty of research jobs that don't require numbers.  Consider genealogy, history, or one of the soft sciences.
38. Restoration.  Become an expert at restoring books, cars, boats, paintings or some other category of possession that people prize and will pay to keep in good repair.
39. Scanning books into digital libraries.  Speaking of moving hard files to computer archives ... before all the great libraries of the world become accessible online, someone's got to actually, manually scan the books into a hard drive somewhere.  Sounds mind-numbing, but maybe if they let you listen to your ipod as you work ....
40. Scientist.  Sure, you can work in a lab, like your stereotypical mad scientist.  But there are also careers in fields such as geology, botony, and biology that involve engaging in field work in remote locations.
41. Seafaring Jobs.  All that lovely water separating you from the rest of humanity!  Careers include boat maintenance, boat relocation, towboat captain, fishing, and mapping/navigation.
42. Security work.  All you need is a uniform, a badge, an ipod, a bag full of doughnuts and a big thermos of caffeine.
43. Surveyor.  You may need a partner to hold that pole with all the measurements on it, but at least they'll always be 20yards away from you!
44. Technician.  Get a job in a laboratory developing photos, sorting samples, or processing DNA.
45. Trade career.  Many of the more skilled trades - plumbing, electrician, carpenter, welding, car repair - allow you to work solo, and most of them pay well to boot.  
46. Transcriptionist.  Legal and medical transcriptionists are, I understand, in great demand.  All you need is a lot of patience and a wrist brace to prevent carpel tunnel syndrome. 
47. Translator. Another one of those great careers you can pursue in the comfort of your own home.  
48. Umpire/referee.  The only career I can think of where you're surounded by people who you can penalize for trying to talk to you.
49. Undertaker/coroner/mortician.  The perfect job for folks who possess compassion in combination with a strong stomach.
50. Usher.  Even though you'll be surrounded by patrons, no one ever talks to the ushers.  All you have to do is hand out programs and show people to their seats.
51. Writing/journalism.  There are so many niche magazines and newsletters out there, all in need of folks able to organize their thoughouts and output them in grammatical Engish.  It's harder to find those folks than you may think.

20+ Careers for People Who Love Theater

I understand the unemployment rate for actors is something like 85%.  Depressing!  And a little surprising, given the range of careers available to people who have the ability to make others suspend their disbelief.  I think these people must not be thinking outside of the box: those communication skills come in handy not just on the stage, but in sales, PR/advertising, public speaking, teaching, and politics!  The following list is compiled in honor of the many people in my life who abandoned careers on the board in order to pursue more "stable" careers.  It's never too late, guys!

1. Actor - film, television, theater, local theater, advertising (venues = major theater, local/regional theater, production studios, dinner theater)
2. Personality - anchor, commentator, talk show host, podcast host, etc.
3. Entertainer - singer, dancer, magician, etc. (venues = local theater, cruise ships, amusement parks)
4. Directing/producing
5. Theater management
6. Costumes/makeup
7. Usher
8. Technician - camera, lighting, audio, set design, film editing
9. Stagehand
10. Ticket sales/brokering
11. Casting agent/Talent Scout
12. Radio DJ
13. Voice acting/voiceovers
14. Audio book reader 
15. Teacher/Coach - drama, public speaking, training, communications
16. Screenwriter/Playwright
17. Journalist/writer/critic - film, drama
18. Historical Reenactor. 
19. Children's Entertainer - storyteller, puppeteer, clown
20. Public Speaking - instructional, motivational
21. Sales
22. PR/advertising
23. Politics