A DAY AT THE PET SHOP COMPLAINT DEPARTMENT
ROLES:
Pet store employee
customers 1-12
dog
PROPS:
sign that says "Pet Shop Complaint Dept"
Optional: stuffed animals representing pets
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PET SHOW EMPLOYEE stands at desk beside sign that reads “Pet Store Complaints & Returns.”
CUSTOMER #1 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER #1: “My dog vanished! I want another one!”
EMPLOYEE: “A dog can’t just vanish. What happened to him?”
CUSTOMER #1: “I accidentally spilled SPOT REMOVER on him and he just disappeared!”
CUSTOMER #1 WALKS OUT
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CUSTOMER #2 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER#2 : “I want to return this dog. All he does is play chess all the time.”
EMPLOYEE: ”A dog that plays chess? That’s amazing! He must be the smartest dog in the world!”
CUSTOMER #2: “Well, he’s not that that smart. I beat him three games out of five.”
CUSTOMER #2 WALKS OUT
__________
CUSTOMER #3 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER #3: “I took my dog to a movie and he cried and howled through the whole thing.”
EMPLOYEE: “You mean he understood the movie? That’s the most amazing thing I ever heard!”
CUSTOMER #3: “You don’t understand! He loved the book!”
CUSTOMER #3 WALKS OUT
__________
CUSTOMER #4 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER #4: “I need to return this cat. He keeps using the internet while I’m gone.”
EMPLOYEE: “Are you sure?”
CUSTOMER #4: “Well, SOMEONE changed my user name to Fluffy and I can’t find my mouse anywhere!”
CUSTOMER #4 WALKS OUT
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CUSTOMER #5 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER #5: “I want to return this hummingbird. All it does is hum.”
EMPLOYEE: ”Well, what did you expect?”
CUSTOMER #5: ”I want a hummingbird that knows the words!”
CUSTOMER #5 WALKS OUT
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CUSTOMER #6 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER #6: “I’m returning this dog because he lost his tail and I want you to put it back on.”
EMPLOYEE: ”What makes you think we can put his tail back on?”
CUSTOMER #6: ”Isn’t this a RE-TAIL store?”
CUSTOMER #6 WALKS OUT
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CUSTOMER #7 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER #7: “I want to return my goldfish.”
EMPLOYEE: “But this isn’t a goldfish, it’s a cat.”
CUSTOMER #7: “That’s the problem. The goldfish is inside the cat!”
CUSTOMER #7 WALKS OUT
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CUSTOMER #8 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER #8: “I bought a bird here and now it’s gone!”
EMPLOYEE: “I’m sorry – what happened to it?”
CUSTOMER #8: “It flew south for the winter!”
EMPLOYEE: “Why did it do that?”
CUSTOMER #8: “I assume because it was too far to walk!”
CUSTOMER #8 WALKS OUT
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CUSTOMER #9 WALKS UP TO TABLE, with DOG (another scout) walking on hands and knees beside him
CUSTOMER #9: “I’ve been ripped off! You guys told me that this dog could talk, but he can’t!"
EMPLOYEE: “Of course he can. What covers a house?”
DOG: “Roof!”
EMPLOYEE: “See? He said ‘roof’. How does sandpaper feel?”
DOG: “Rough!”
EMPLOYEE: “See? He said ‘rough’. And who was the greatest baseball player of all time?
DOG: “Ruth!”
EMPLOYEE: “See? He said ‘Babe Ruth’. I’m sorry sir, but it’s clear that this dog can talk.”
CUSTOMER #9: “Do you think I’m a fool? Everyone knows the greatest baseball player of all time was Mickey Mantle!”
CUSTOMER #9 WALKS OFF
_____________
CUSTOMER #10 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER #10: “I have a problem with this rabbit.”
EMPLOYEE: “What’s the problem?”
CUSTOMER #10: “It only hops backwards!”
EMPLOYEE: “Hmmm … sounds like it must have been bred from a receeding hare line.”
CUSTOMER #10 WALKS OUT
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CUSTOMER #11 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER #11: “This dog is driving me crazy! He makes an incredibly annoying clicking sound.”
EMPLOYEE: “Hmmm – could be one of two problems.”
CUSTOMER #11: “What two problems?”
EMPLOYEE: “Either he’s a watch dog, or he’s got a lot of ticks.”
CUSTOMER #11 WALKS OFFSTAGE
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CUSTOMER #12 WALKS UP TO TABLE
CUSTOMER #12: “You sold me a defective cat!”
EMPLOYEE: “What’s wrong with it?”
CUSTOMER #12: ”Well, first it survived a fire, and then it survived being run over, poisoned, drowned, eaten by a bear, dropped from an airplane and falling into a well. But then I accidentally electrocuted it and it DIED!”
EMPLOYEE: “Sounds to me like your cat demonstrated amazing survival skills.”
CUSTOMER #12: “Don’t you understand? You sold me a cat with only 8 lives!”
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ALL SCOUTS WALK ON STAGE and TAKE A BOW
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