100+ Tips for New Teachers

It's beginning to look a lot like Labor Day, so thought I'd post this list in honor of all the new teachers who are even now chewing their nails and writing impossibly brilliant lesson plans that will never succeed in the classroom.  Unlike most other lists you'll find on the internet, this one is only partially in earnest, because if you haven't already figured out how to laugh at the job, you need to start now!

1. Take the free food. You’ve earned it.
2. Go to the bathroom when you’ve got the chance
3. Everything’s better with glitter
4. The word “Uranus” never stops being funny
5. Your classroom will never be the right temperature, no matter how many times you fiddle with the thermostat
6. Fire drills will happen at the worst possible time
7. Learn to eat lunch in 10 minutes or less
8. The day your lesson plan goes disastrously wrong is the day your principal will choose to observe you
9. Don’t blow all that money you’ll be earning on fast cars or high living
10. The only thing more annoying than kids constantly sharpening their pencils is kids constantly running out of lead for their mechanical pencils
11. Choose your battles
12. Set realistic goals. “I will survive this day,” is an example of a realistic goal.
13. Learn to say “no”
14. The only thing worse than writing sub plans is writing sub plans after you’re already sick
15. Learn to celebrate the small successes. Like fixing the copier without smearing toner all over your clothes
16. Don’t even try to do this alone.  Find teachers/mentors who will help you
17. Don’t reinvent the wheel
18. It’s your classroom; that makes you the referee
19. Back up your files; you never know when someone’s going to spill apple juice on your keyboard
20. The first people you need to befriend are the office secretary, the custodians, and the librarian
21. Avoid asking “are there any questions?” without adding “…about what we’ve been learning?” – unless you want to answer questions about poop
22. Dogs no longer eat homework. Computers do
23. There’s no tired like teacher tired
24. Invest your savings now in companies that produce tissues, hand sanitizer, Sharpies, and aspirin
25. Forget fashion; buy comfortable shoes
26. Never wear anything that requires dry cleaning
27. Teaching isn’t about the content you deliver, it’s all about how you deliver it
28. Elaborately decorated classrooms and color coded supplies have not been proven to improve academic achievement
29. Teacher supply stores are like candy stores. You may want it, but you really don’t need it.
30. Lessons need to be engaging. Worksheets are not engaging. Relevant, authentic, active, project-based learning is engaging
31. The students should be working harder than you
32. Set high standards
33. Teach growth mindset
34. Praise the effort, not the product
35. Empower your students to advocate for themselves
36. Build in opportunities for imagination and creativity
37.  Fair isn’t equal. “Smart” takes many forms.  Differentiate your content, processes, products, and timelines
38. Buy yourself a really, really big water bottle. And a coffee holder with a lid
39. Get the flu shot
40. Take germ prevention seriously. (Yours, not so much theirs.)
41. Encourage them to explore their passions
42. First impressions count. Make sure your first day rocks
43. Focus on their strengths, not their weaknesses
44. Look for giftedness. Look for disabilities. Be proactive in taking action.
45. You don’t have to grade everything. Seriously, you don’t
46. Stay calm. The person who gets angry first, loses.
47. Never let them see you sweat. Children are like wolves; they sense fear.
48. Research-based best practices need to be backed by actual research. Otherwise they’re just educational fads. Know the difference
49. Learn their names. Then use them. All the time
50. Most of the time, they don’t actually need to go to their bathroom
51. When everything else fails, take them to the library
52. Be authoritative, not authoritarian
53. They’re going to talk anyway; make it work for you
54. Allow wait time.
55. Be consistent
56. Built trust
57. Answer questions with questions; make them find their own answers
58. Never put anything in writing that you wouldn’t want parents or your boss to see
59. It’s about restorative justice, not punishment
60. Never issue a threat you’re not prepared to enforce
61. Work on your snow dance now so you’ll be ready for winter
62. Overplan. Running out of lesson before the bell is like a lion tamer running out of meat before all the lions are fed.
63. Don’t be that teacher that sends out communications to parents filled with spelling, punctuation and grammar errors
64. CYA - document all parent and admin interactions.
65. The best motivator is respect. If respect doesn’t work, try blue Jolly Ranchers
66. Never humiliate a student. They’ll never trust you again
67. Do first, ask permission later
68. Be flexible. If you don’t learn to bend, be prepared to break
69. Constantly assess for comprehension. Like, every 5 minutes.
70. The problem probably isn’t the rules; it’s how you’re enforcing them
71. Intrinsic motivation beats external motivation every time.
72. Make parents your allies, not your enemies.
73. Never email angry
74. Look for the teachable moments.
75. Create smooth traffic patterns through your classroom
76. Establish consistent routines and procedures. Kids appreciate consistency
77. Avoid negative energy
78. Remember that being a mom/sister/wife/daughter comes first
79. NEVER talk over student noise
80. Plan a robust fart response protocol and have it ready to deploy
81. The kids actually WANT to help you. Let them.
82. Remember that most of them have the attention span of squirrel, and plan accordingly
83. Master the art of the “side hug” – no one’s ever been sued for a side hug
84.  Kids who are hungry, sleepy, or scared aren’t going to prioritize learning.
85. Learn your acronyms
86. Be compassionate: you don’t know what’s happening at home
87. There will never be enough time. Prioritize
88. Energy, enthusiasm, optimism, and curiosity are contagious
89. Executive functioning skills need to be taught
90. Crying is cathartic. Wine/beer is an acceptable alternative
91. Disapprove of the behavior, never the kid
92. Model the behaviours you want to see
93. Apples often don’t fall far from trees, except when they do
94. You can either laugh or cry. Laughing is a lot more fun
95. The more they push, the more they’re hoping you’ll push back.
96. The more they say they don’t need you, the more they do
97. Get used to failure. The mistakes will help you grow.
98.  It’s just a job. Don’t let it become an obsession.
99. 99.         There’s always more to learn
100. 100.      Fake it ‘til you make it
101. You WILL get better