Poor C-SPAN! Doomed to televise the dullest of all possible programming, our government in action. Here are some suggestions for livening things up, at least a little ....
- Add a bouncing ball over the closed captioning so that viewers can join in and testify along with the senators
- Force the senators to testify in iambic pentameter: "Senator, I urge the need is great/ to keep the bases open in my state!/ While the Cold War may be history/ Putin's looking good for World War 3!"
- Fill all the empty chairs in the hearing rooms with virtual Pokemon
- Add play-by -play announcers and "color guys." As the representatives speak, the announcers can be adding via voiceover: "Senator Jones, as you may recall, won reelection by a narrow margin about six months ago; Larry, do you think his may be a play to shore up the Hispanic voters in his district?" and "Whoa! He's calling for a Committee of the Whole! That's a gutsy move, but no less than we'd expect from a wily veteran like Sen. Thurston! Larry, what do you think the Republicans are going to do here?"
- Add organ music during the intervals, like baseball games
- Post a graphic behind the podium that tracks in real-time the truthfulness of each Senator's statements - one frowny face (for little white lies) up to five frowny faces (for whoppers)
- Add scrolling stats at the bottom of the screen for the convenience of people tracking how their Fantasy Senate Committees are faring
- Mail out bingo cards that contain, instead of numbers and letters, familiar political terms/phrases/hyperboles; examples might include "fiscally irresponsible," "soccer moms," "liberal media," "climate change conspiracy," and "Nazis". Views can then "play along" by marking off the words on their cards as they're used. The first to get five words in a row wins!
- Add commercials for erectile dysfunction products
- Add hourly balloon drops, because everyone loves a good balloon drop.
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