NOVA Gothic -A list of 20 creepy/weird/terrifying things about life in Northern Virginia

 

Like many other states, Virginia has a split identity. The Western and Southern regions are largely rural and agricultural, but the Northern regions have been overrun by suburbs of  Washington DC. Which may sound innocuous, but as someone who's lived in the NOVA area for most of their lives, I can attest to the fact that it's not all wine and roses, man-made lakes and big box stores. Here's a partial list of some of the unnerving aspects of living in NOVA - some a little silly, otherwise legitimately terrifying:  

1. You’ve never seen a bear/wolf/bobcat in your neighborhood, but you know someone who has.
2. Suiting up like Mad Max for a trip to the grocery store before any snowstorm expected to deposit more than 2.”
3. Local radio stations run ads for global weapons systems.
4. No one questions your 60-minute daily commute to the adjacent suburb.
5. That guy throwing something into a trash at the local park could be discarding harmless picnic scraps ... or they could be a spy making a dead drop.
6. Paying as much for a house as other people might spend to purchase their own private Caribbean Island.
7. Helicopters have been circling for over an hour. No one notices.
8. Neighbor down the way, when asked what they do for a living, answers in the vaguest way: “I’m a civil servant.”
9. Potentially living next to (or on top of) the unmarked graves of Civil War soldiers.
10. Our most insidious invasive species isn’t kudzu, it’s McMansions.
11. Government shutdowns are existential crises.
12. Fire drills? Earthquake drills? Try nuclear attack drills.
13. Is it a road improvement project, or are they installing yet another secret underground bunker? 
14. HOAs with more power than some third-world governments.
15. Every day, the data server farms creep a little closer to your home.
16. Our local competitive sport isn’t high school football … it’s school board meetings.
17. Pairing business suits with tennis shoes or flip flops is socially acceptable.
18. Local roads with 10 lanes.
19. Helicopter dog parents.
20. Stars? Apparently they’re a real thing, but no one’s ever actually seen them thanks to the 24/7 glare of traffic lights, LED-illuminated retail signage, and office buildings with all the lights left on overnight.