8 Writing/Grammar Rules That Have To Go

As a middle school English teacher, a huge chunk of my curriculum is grammar instruction.  Which places me in the position, every year, of foisting on trusting, naive students grammar rules that even I know to be stilted, antiquated, or just plain silly. 

Below is a list of 10 grammar conventions that I would immediately eliminate if only someone would let me run the Grammar Police.

Consider this my blanket apology to all the students I have necessarily confounded over the years.  Sorry, guys.

1. Using singular plurals to represent singular/gender unknown antecedents.   Here's what we're supposed to say: "A writer [ANTECEDENT] may edit his or her [PRONOUN] manuscript many times before submittal."  Why the incredibly awkward construct his or her?  Because, technically, the noun writer is singular/gender unknown, which means you're supposed to use a pronoun that is singular/gender unknown: hence, the ridiculously pompous his or her.  Can't we all agree that if we say "A writer may edit their manuscript many times before submittal," we're not automatically assuming more than one writer?  
2. Given a compound subject joined by the conjunction "or", pronouns must agree with the final noun in the list.   Here's what we're supposed to say: "Either Jim or Susan needs to bring her laptop with her to the meeting."  Why her?  Because grammarians will tell you that when presented with the construct Jim or Susan, the pronoun should match the gender/number of the last item in the list.  Which stinks for Jim, who has now been called her not once, but twice, for no better reason than he happened to come first in the list.  Surely sane people can agree that using a plural pronoun - "Either Jim or Susan needs to bring their laptop with them" - is a lot more natural, and a lot less likely to get you punched in the nose.
3. Words that end in "one" or "body" should be treated as singular pronouns. Sorry - just can't resist one more rant about pronouns.  Based on the above rule, the sentences "None of them are ready" should be correctly read "None of them is ready"; the sentence "Somebody should claim their cocktail before I dispose of it" should be correctly written: "Somebody should claim his or her cocktail before I dispose of it."  Just when I start feeling a little swollen-headed because we Americans have taken the forefront over other European languages in dropping unnecessary articles and adopting the universal "you" for 1st/2nd/3rd tense possessive, a rule like this comes along and makes me hang my head in dismay.
4. Who or whom?  Depends on whether you are using the pronoun as a subject or a direct object in the sentence, to which I reply: who or whom cares?  I think it's time we relegate whom to the annals of pronoun forms whose time have passed, alongside thee/thou and one.
5. Don't split infinitives.  An infinitive is a verb combined with the word "to" - as in, to hunt, to wonder, to spell.  Technically, you're not supposed to insert any words in between the "to" and the verb.  But can you imagine Captain Kirk solemnly intoning, instead of the timeless "To boldly go where no man has gone before," the grammatically correct "Boldly to go where no man has gone before"?  In the first version he sounds like a hero; in the second version, more like the kind of nerd who reads science fiction novels but would never go there himself.  Time for us to accept that sometimes exceptions to this rule are okay.
6. Don't start sentences with And or But.  But, what if you want to position two sentences in opposition to each other, as I've just done?  (Clever, huh?)  And sometimes you just want to elaborate on a sentence by adding an additional sentence, as I've just done here.  I suspect the reason for this rule is to prevent insecure writers from unwittingly employing sentence fragments.  Having spent years as a middle school English teacher undoing the harm this has done, can't we decided to stop teaching this "non-rule" like it's a rule?
7. Don't end a sentence with a preposition. Thus, "There's the boy I'm going with" should be correctly written: "There's the boy with whom I'm going." Not only does this sound stilted, but it risks running headlong into rule #6 regarding the use of who/whom. Occassionally ending a sentence with a preposition is not only acceptable, but necessary.
8. Paragraphs should have 5 sentences.  Speaking of non-rules, here's another one that English teachers consistently foist upon their gullible students.  Meant (I suspect) as a way to force students to elaborate on their main ideas with sufficient detail, what this rule more typically does is encourage writers to invent 1-2 original thoughts, then repeat them using slightly different wording 1-2 more times.  The rule is this, people: paragraphs should contain a main idea and only as much supporting detail as necessary to elaborate on the main idea.  

Best Performances from Glee

I'm not sure my 3 years in "show choir", our high school's version of glee club,  qualifies me to nominate the best performances from the show Glee to date, but I'm taking a stab at it anyway.  (How well I remember the tension and adrenelin of those regional competitions ...!)  I thoroughly enjoy the show, but you don't have to be a fan to acknowledge that these kids have serious talent.

The following aren't necessarily my favorite songs from the show, but they definitely my favorite performances, the ones I enjoy watching again and again.

1. Don't Stop Believing ("original version"), New Directions.  Am starting with this performance because it was the first one to knock my socks off.  Just the original 5 featured cast members when they were at their most young and endearing, singing their heads off, plus a little drama as their song choice inspires their disconsolate director to perservere.  By the end of the song I was definitely a believer, as (I suspect) were any television critics who had not yet boarded the Glee bandwagon.
2. Journey to Regionals ("Regionals version"), New Directions.  But wait, there's more!  Here's Don't Stop Believing again, this time performed by the whole Glee ensemble at Regionals and paired with two other Journey songs.  I especially love the part where the curtain goes up ... well, see for yourself!  An adrenelin-filled and thoroughly entertaining performance.  If I'd been a judge, no way they would have come in third!
3. Thriller/Heads Will Roll, New Directions+.  The show doesn't do all-out performance numbers as often as you'd think; this is one of the best.  Zombie football players: who knew what a great fit it would be?
4. Bills, Bills, Bills, Warblers.  Love all the Warblers songs, which makes it hard to pick the ones that belong on this list.  Not sure this is even one of the best, but it's certainly one of the most fun ... or maybe I'm the only one that's tickled by the idea of a bunch of clean-cut private school boys channeling their inner enraged black girlfriends?
5. Dream On, Michael Morrison & Neil Patrick Harris.  In my opinion, one of Glee's most successful "special guest star" episodes.  Not only a great reprise of a rock classic, but Doogie's performance blew me away!
6. When I Get You Alone, Warblers.  Wish I could have been at the Gap the day the Warblers decided to invade the retail outlet in order to serenade an obviously unappreciative salesperson.  The combo of tight harmonies and choreography makes this a keeper.
7. Say A Little Prayer for You, Glee Cheerleaders.  Love the song but adore the choreography that goes with it.  After watching this, bet Celine Deon wishes the mores of the time would have allowed she and her backup singers to don cheerleader uniforms with those swingy skirts that emphasize every innocent/naughty hip shake! 
8. Keep Holding On, Glee Cast.  A little melodramatic but undeniably moving.
9. Total Eclipse of the Heart, Lea Michaels. This one's pure, unapologetic melodrama ... but then, so was the Bonnie Tyler original.  To understand this, helps to know it's meant as a lament after the lead character, Rachel, realizes she's pissed off not one, not two, but three boyfriends.  What I love about this performance is the staging - the way the song moves between the classroom and the ballet studio is wonderful, and all those ballet lifts are such a great metaphor for trust.
10. Bust Your Windows, Glee Cast.  This one has a Bollywood feel to it - the way the action stops so everyone can burst into song, the unapologetic blending of reality and fantasy, the way over-the-top costuming. (Never have tall athletic socks and tennis shoes been employed to achieve such a joyously slutty effect!)
11. Lean On Me, New Directions. No one's going to argue that this isn't a fabulous song in its own right, but I love the arrangement of the song they chose, and the simple but sincere choreography. 
12. It's My Life/Confessions, New Directions (boys only).  Well choreographyed and wholly entertaining cover of a great Bon Jovi tune.
13. Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy, Lea Michael & Chris Colfer. Okay, so you caught me out.  There's no real performance here - no costumes, no choreography, no "show."  Just two superb performers belting out a ballad the way ballads were meant to be belted.  Babs and Judy would approve.
14. Marry You, New Directions.  The lyrics of the song are not quite as romantic as one might hope (hey, since we're drunk already, let's get married!), but the cast does such a good job of performing the hell out of this number that it doesn't matter.  Dare you not to feel a little happier life and love after watching this clip.
15. Loser Like Me, New Directions.  As someone who spent years in glee club, couldn't help but love this anthem to gleeks everywhere.  My favorite line: "Push me up against a locker/And hey, all I do is shake it off/I'll get you back when I'm your boss."  So there!

Book Look: The Age of Innocence, Edith Wharton

An unblinking examination of characters forced to choose between propriety and love, and a time when people still had to choose between the two. What I liked about the novel is that it makes you question both - is propriety worth the price you pay for it? Is love? What constitutes "happiness" - is it passion, or contentment? Can personal happiness ever be achieved if its cost is the happiness of others about whom you care?

Wharton does an excellent job of depicting ~1880s New York society, a construct so brittle that the mere expression of individuality, ambition or temperament threatens to shatter it. Then she creates two fairly empathetic characters, the "restless young man" Newland Archer and the simultaneously worldly/naive Ellen Olenska, sets them against the system and explores - with a brutal honesty that allows for no hope of literary intervention (fate, coincidence or anachronism) - the hypocrisy forced upon them ... and, to be fair, the hypocrisy they force upon themselves.

Had Jane Austen undertaken this tale, she might have told it with more humor but with less honesty. What both authors share, however, is an ability to satirize the often arbitrary, often absurd constraits of "propriety" while simultaneously acknowledging their force and enduring power.

Best Einstein Quotes Ever

For a man who reputedly didn't start talking until he was 3 years old, Einstein made up for the late start with a dozens of richly insightful observations about science, learning, and life.  Here are some of my favorites, organized (for lack of a better system) alphabetically.  

 

1. A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.
2. A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.
3. Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction.
4. "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
5. "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
6. As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
7. Black holes are where God divided by zero.
8. Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
9. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
10. Creativity is intelligence having fun.
11. Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
12. Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.
13. Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
14. Everything must be made as simple as possible. But not simpler.
15. God does not play dice with the universe.
16. God is subtle but he is not malicious.
17. Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
18. I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious.
19. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
20. I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.
21. I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details.
22. If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?
23. If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.
24. If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music.
25. If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.
26. If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.
27. If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
28. Imagination is more important than knowledge.
29. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
30. Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
31. Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them
32. It is not that I'm so smart. But I stay with the questions much longer.
33. Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning.
34. Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.
35. Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere.
36. Love is a better master than duty.
37. Never memorize something that you can look up.
38. Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
39. Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.
40. Out of clutter, find simplicity.
41. Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding.
42. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
43. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
44. Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
45. Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
46. The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.
47. The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
48. The path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge.
49. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
50. The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.
51. The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious - the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true science.
52. The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
53. The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.
54. The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.
55. The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who let evil happen without doing anything.
56. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
57. Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.
58. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
59. Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth
60. Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character.
61. What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right.
62. When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
63. When you trip over love, it is easy to get up. But when you fall in love, it is impossible to stand again.
64. Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.
65. You never fail until you stop trying.

(I've gathered these from various sources, some more reputable than others, so can't/won't vouch for their veracity.  However, they all certainly sound like things Einstein would say!)

How to Create a Virtual Time Machine

Want to create a virtual time machine that can travel back to your childhood? 

STEP 1: Pick a year
STEP 2:  For that year, answer the following questions.  You can rely on memory & memorabilia, but research (whether poking through the attic or looking things up online) will help enrich/deepen the experience.

Presto!  You've created a virtual time machine journey back to that year.  Enjoy!

1. Books you read
2. Board games you played
3. Non-board games you played (ex: cops & robbers, hopscotch)
4. Toys you played with
5. Stuffed animals you loved
6. Sports you played or enjoyed
7. Television shows you watched
8. Commercials/advertising you remember
9. Music you listened to
10. Movies you watched
11. The neighborhood you lived in
12. Neighborhood events
13. The community you lived in
14. Community events
15. Your relatives (the ones most immediately involved in your life)
16. Your siblings
17. Your friends
18. Your pets
19. The political situation
20. World events
21. Causes you supported
22. Trends in architecture
23. Trends in fashion
24. Trends in hairstyles
25. Transportation (ex: cars, bikes, big wheels)
26. What did things cost?
27. What school did you go to?
28. What classes did you take?
29. Who were your teachers?
30. School events
31. Family milestones
32. Personal milestones
33. Inside your home
34. Household furnishings/products
35. Outside your home (yard & beyond)
36. Vacations
37. Summer vacation
38. How you celebrated Christmas
39. How you celebrated Halloween
40. How you celebrated [insert other memorable holiday]
41. How you celebrated your birthday
42. Your hobbies
43. Your likes (not noted elsewhere)
44. Your dislikes (not noted elsewhere)
45. Memorable food
46. Memorable restaurants
47. Family traditions
48. Cultural traditions
49. Memorable sounds
50. Memorable smells

10 Cool Things About Living in Washington, D.C.

Think it's "business as usual" living in the nation's capital? The experience of living in D.C. is sometimes awesome, sometimes frustrating, sometimes surreal, but always an adventure!

1. Tons of Free Culture. Lots of cities have museums - we have the Smithsonian, the Library of Congress, and the National Archives.  Lots of cities have theaters - we have the one in which Lincoln was assassinated.  Lots of cities have free concerts - ours feature the National Symphony Orchestra.  Lots of cities have parks and trees - we have cherry blossoms.  Lots of cities host universities - our city hosts no fewer than five major institutions (Georgetown, George Washington, American, Howard, Galludet).  Lots of cities have monuments - but usually not over 2000 of them.  Need more proof? Didn't think so.
2. Our News is the Nation's News.  Love going to other parts of the country and reading what passes for the "local" newspaper.  Typically, the articles have to do with issues important to that particular state or community (farm subsidies, education bills, what have you). Our local newspaper, on the other hand, is the Washington Post, which seldom leads with anything having actually to do with D.C.  Oh - and you have to love the advertisements.  While others in the country get car commercials, our newspapers, television and radio stations are peppered with commercials about major military system procurements, homeland security technologies, upcoming legislation and the rights of unions - lobbyists availing themselves of the local media to get their messages out to the various agency officials who might be in a position to influence their cause.
3. See News Being Made.  Why rely on a newspaper, though, when living in D.C. gives you the opportunity to see news being made first-hand?  There's nothing quite like the rush of witnessing Congress in full session as they debate something heated, watching the Supreme Court justices mercilessly grill intimidated advocates, or lining the road in mute solemnity as row after row of motorcycles thunder past on Memorial Day.
4. 535 Bosses.  Though, technically, D.C. has a mayor and local government, the city is basically run by Congress.  Which means that whenever Congress wants to try something - affirmative action, school vouchers, banning needle distribution, looser gun control laws, HOV/parking waivers for electric cars, etc. - they don't have to ask DC residents permission first ... they just make it so.  Adding insult to injury, DC residents don't even have the right to choose Senators or Representatives to speak for their interests: you see, DC isn't a state, and therefore not permitted representation in Congress.  And people wonder why this city is so screwed up.
5. Diversity.  You want to talk about diversity?  Try living in a town that plays host to approximately 170 foreign embassies!  Over the years students from dozens of countries - everything from Cameroon to Denmark, Egypt to Guatamala - have passed through my classroom.  Our Congressmen may still prefer doing business over big steaks, but in doing so they're passing up literally 1000s of amazing ethnic restaurants that exist throughout the city and its suburbs.
6. Cool Traffic Obstructions.  Other cities struggle with traffic tie-ups due to accidents, construction, or overtaxed infrastructure.  How many cities (with the possible exception of New York) have traffic reports that regularly include updates on the progress of motorcades, marathons, and political protests throughout the city?
7. Living at Ground Zero.  Part of excitement of living in DC is knowing that you're basically ground zero for irrational people wishing to express their discontent with the U.S. government in violent - often explosive - ways.  Pretty much every school, business and agency in the city lives in constant anticipation of imminent attack, which certainly keeps you focused on living life to the fullest. 
8. Interesting Neighbors.  Another cool thing about living in DC - trying to guess what your neighbors do for a living.  DC plays host to a host of super-secret agencies and entities - not just the CIA, FBI, NSA, and Pentagon, but a host of other agencies so secret you wouldn't recognize the acronyms if you saw them.  Which means that in almost every neighborhood you're going to get half a dozen folks who are suspiciously vague when asked about what they do for a living.  Moreover, not all of them are necessarily working on our side of the curtain.  ("You say you're a 'cultural attache'?  Yeah, right!") 
9. Tourists.  I sometimes lose track of the fact that in other cities, you aren't stopped almost every day on your way to/from work to take someone's picture, explain the historical significance of nearby attractions, or give directions to the Museum of Natural History.  Once I was actually asked: "Do people actually work here, or are people in suits hired to make the city look real?"  Good question.
10. Living Life in the Shadow of History.  This is the literal truth, as I'm reminded every day I pass teams of young adults playing league softball literally in the shadow of the Lincoln Memorial, or lugging grocery bags past townhouses that used to house great civil rights leaders, or building snowmen on the grounds of the Capital building.  It's kind of daunting, trying to live a normal life in the proximity of so much that is larger than life! 

15 Cheap Ways to Improve Curb Appeal

When it came time for my husband and I to sell our last home, we knew we had to squeeze every last dime out of the sale that we could manage. At the time I did a lot of research on how to improve curb appeal, and it paid off: in a flat market, we attracted several buyers who bid up our asking price almost 10%!  Here's a summary of the tips we found most helpful.

1. De-clutter.  Start with what's obvious and easy: remove everything from your lawn/porch/deck/carport that doesn't belong there.  This includes cars, toys, bikes, trash cans, etc.  Next, remove the items that technically belong but that have, over the years, become eyesores: old lawn furniture (especially those ubiquitous plastic adirondak chairs!), flags, yard tools/rakes, tables, fencing, and lawn ornaments of any sort.  (Yes, that includes gnome statues, ceramic animals, and wood cutouts of any sort.  There's a reason you never see these things in the yards of wealthy people.) The front of your house should be kept clear and tidy at all times.
2. Power-wash.  Borrow or rent a power washer and use it to clean everything: your house, your driveway, your carport, your deck, your roof, fencing, pathways - basically anyplace where dust, mold, mildew, sap and/or water stains accumulate.  You'll be surprised how shiny and new your house will look after a good scrubbing!
3. Clean/repaint/repair your gutters.  Gutters outline your house.  Buyers are looking for an outline that's straight, clean, and pleasing.  No one wants to see trees growing in your drainsprout. 
4. Weigh your windows.  Mismatching curtains/window treatments can make the exterior of your house look junky.  If you have off-color drapes showing through your windows, buy inexpensive white liners to hang underneath.  Horizontal window treatments (blinds, shades) should be drawn to the same length - either fully open, fully closed, or half-open.  Broken/mismatching screens are also unsightly; consider removing them entirely if they are detracting from the curb appeal of your house. 
5. Trim, Prune & Clear. Unless you live in the woods, your front yard should not look like a forest. Prune bushes, cut down scraggly trees, and clear away leaves/sticks/branches. Pay particular attention to branches near or touching the roof: these absolutely should be cleared away.
6. Hide your guilty lawn secrets. If your yard is a sea of weeds, then you certainly don't want to call attention to the fact.  Kept the weeds neatly mowed and/or trimmed back.  If areas of your yard are barren, muddy, or otherwise unsightly, consider concealing them beneath mulch or stone.  Ornamental borders can be used to create beds, paths, and other features.
7. Paint.  Painting your trimwork is a quick and pretty inexpensive way to spruce up the look of your house.  If you can afford to, however, consider giving the whole exterior a paint job.  Pick a color that's not too bold but don't be afraid to pick something other than white; ideally, you want a shade that is faithful to the house's location, architecture, and character, but that will blend with the landscape and other other houses in your neighborhood.  If in doubt (at all), consult a professional.
8. Spruce up your front door area.  For better or worse, your front door is the focal point of your house, and nothing says "neglect" like an entranceway that's crumbling, stained, painted an ill-advised color, or out of character with the rest of the house.  Since the title of this entry is "10 Cheap Ways to Improve Curb Appeal," am not advocating a major rebuild here.  However, do recommend attending to the following:
1. Power-wash door area to remove stains, cobwebs, etc.
2. Caulk (or re-caulk) gaps
3. Clean crumbling areas and repair if possible (this includes moulding, rails, pillars, retaining walls, stairs, etc.)
4. Touch up (or repaint) painted surfaces
5. Make sure screen door is in good repair
6. Replace doormat if worn
7. Remove plants/limbs that may be encroaching
8. Polish hardware; or, replace dated/inappropriate hardware
9. What you can't fix, conceal!  Plants in decorative pots make excellent camouflage
10. Hang a tasteful wreath on your door
9. Add shutters and/or trim. If you have shutters or trim, make sure what you have is in good repair, painted, and hanging properly. If you don't have shutters, consider getting them. A window without shutters looks a little like a face without eyelashes or eyebrows - functional, but stark and unfinished. You needn't spent a fortune on expensive shutters. Assuming you don't live in a hurricane/tornado zone and so are never actually going to use them, you can get by with inexpensive options.
10. De-emphasize sidewalk/driveway flaws.  Tidy walkways/sidewalks/driveways by pruning back weeks/overgrowth, killing weeds that are growing through cracks, and making repairs as feasible.  If your driveway has enough fissures to rival Mt. Pinatubo, consider paying to have them resealed: this is a fairly inexpensive process that will create a nice, seamless look.  If your concrete continues to look stained even after cleaning, consider concrete stain. 
11. Create symmetry. Studies show that people find symmetry inherently pleasing.  Are there ways that you can add symmetry to your yard, entrance, or facade?  Consider adding fixtures, trim, potted plants or landscaping features to enhance symmetry. 
12. Create a distraction with flowers.  If you have the kind of soil that supports flowers, plant them.  If you don't have that kind of time, though, build a few quick raised beds (create beds out of railroad ties & fill them with planting soil) or array flowers in containers in key areas around the driveway, mailbox, porch, and front door.  Nurseries often sell "ready to display" container gardens that add instant beauty wherever they're installed.  Window boxes are another option, particularly if you have just a few windows and want to set them off to good advantage.
13. Improve the your evening curb appeal.  Consider investing in low wattage lighting to illuminate paths or other features of the house.  But first, make sure the lighting you already have installed is adding rather than detracting to the appeal of your house.  Remove unsightly spotlights, reconsider "novelty" colored bulbs, and clean/repair/replace fixtures that have become outdated or unappealing.
14. Beautify your mailbox.  A small thing, but with the potential to make a big impact.  First, make sure the architecture of your mailbox compliments the architecture of your house.  (If not, design one that does.)  Next, spruce up your mailbox by repainting the box and/or post, repairing broken/weathered items, ensuring house numbers are straight and appealing, and adding landscaping around the post. 
15. House number.  A small thing, but also a chance to add that "finishing touch" to your curb appeal project.  Choose numbers that blend with your home's color and character.

Book Look: The Imperfectionists, Tom Rachman

A novel about the staff of a small, international newspaper headquartered in Rome in the 1950s is ordinarily the last place I'd look for authentic character studies. Why pick a setting so strongly associated with universal stereotypes - wisecracking reporters, neurotic editors, cold-hearted publishers, profit-obsessed owners, experience-hardened expat Americans, food-obsessed Italians - if you don't intend to avail yourself of them? Have to wonder if this is a challenge Rachman deliberately set himself in choosing a newsroom as the setting for this collection of short stories, each exploring in penetrating yet authentic detail the character, motives and impulses of one of the newsroom's staff?

The title "The Imperfectionists" is well chosen, as each chapter/character study focuses on how the choices we make in life are seldom idealistic, seldom simple, seldom laudable, seldom "perfect" ... and yet inevitably true to the motives and impulses that shape our fundamental natures. We choose marriage not because we love but because we embrace convention, fear loneliness, need help coping with the challenges of a foreign language; we choose to delude ourselves not because we're ignorant, but because we deliberately choose ignorance; we attempt noble things (establishing newspapers, writing great stories, championing feminist causes) not out of an idealistic sense of duty, but driven by passions infinitely more personal. The portraits that emerge are at once unfamiliar yet authentic, unsentimental yet compassionate, and organically witty without ever lapsing into deliberate irony or sarcasm.

Can understand why this has made all the critics so breathless. What Rachman does, he does splendidly well. He's a lovely writer with the gift of defining characters organically, through dialog and action rather than tedious expository text. Will I remember this book 6 months from now, though? I suspect not. For while the book's theme is deftly, competently, and entertainingly presented, not sure it comes as much of a surprise. The reason it's so easy to empathize with the folks in these stories - even the obnoxious ones - isn't just because Rachman is good at what he does; it's because, like the characters in this book, most of us have all at some point in our lives realized that the choices we make, the choices that define us, are seldom guided by idealism, sense or logic ... but that we are nevertheless powerless to choose any other way.

A Thousand Words: Apostrophe Man

SOURCE: http://www.horacek.com.au/images%20-%20cartoons/Apostrophe-man.gif

Great Titles for Country Songs

Just spent an afternoon driving through the heartland of Virginia, home of tobacco fields, wild turkeys, and country music radio stations.  Having nothing better to do, husband and I started inventing names for non-existent country songs we've love to hear.  Sometimes we even invented refrains.  (It was a long drive.)

What's funny is that no matter how awful our ideas, none of them - based on what we heard during the course of our outing, to included such catchy ditties as "Save a Horse/Ride a Cowboy" - seem actually beyond the realm of possibility.  For all we know, some of them may already exist.  A sense of humor is just one of the many things that makes country music great.

1. Jesus Knows That I Was Just Kiddin'.  REFRAIN: I'm tired of being blamed, I'm tired of being ridden/Jesus knows that I was just kiddin'!
2. One Beer Away From Forgetting You.  REFRAIN: I'm gonna make it past, I'm gonna make it through/ I'm just one beer away from forgettin' you.
3. My Best Friends are Dogs.  REFRAIN: A best friend loves you for no other cause/ That's why all my best friends are dogs.
4. Chicken Fried Heart. 
5. You Had Me at "Y'All"
6. You Blow Me Away (Like a Tornado in a Trailor Park)
7. I Like 'Em Big and Kind of Stupid.  REFRAIN: I'm done with the smart ones; are you listening, Cupid?/ Bring me a man who's big and kind of stupid
8. Halter Tops in Heaven
9. We Go Together Like Biscuits and Gravy
10. She Line-Danced Her Way Into My Heart.  REFRAIN: She's sashayed past my guard, she really knows her part/ That girl's line-danced her way straight into my heart
11. Scrapin' You Off My Boots
12. Our Redneck Rendezvous.  REFRAIN: You bring the pickup truck, I'll bring the brew/ We'll have a great time at our Redneck Rendezvous.
13. Can't Anybody Tell Me What I Did Last Night?  REFRAIN: There's an ace in my bra and my hair is a fright/ Can't anybody tell me what I did last night?

15+ Important Life Lessons I Learned in Kindergarden

The other day I was cutting/pasting text into a document, and found myself joking to someone over my shoulder: "If I'd known how important cutting and pasting were going to be, I would have paid more attention in kindergarten."

There you have it: the inspiration for this list of some of the other important life lessons we learn in kindergarden - but only if we're paying attention.

1. Always take time to look at the pictures
2. Show and tell is a skill you'll use the rest of your life
3. The "buddy system" works
4. Learn to draw now; it's your last chance
5. You'll never know what paste tastes like unless you try it
6. They wouldn't have put 64 colors in the box if you weren't meant to use them all
7. Afternoon naps are a wonderful thing
8. Never be afraid to get dirty
9. Magic is limited only by imagination
10. Always build time for recess into your day
11. Given enough blocks, you can build anything
12. No one ever got punished for coloring outside the lines
13. Everyone needs a cubby to call their own
14. Clean up after yourself
15. Sharing is caring
16. The world is full of wonder; you just have to open your eyes and look for it

10 Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Airline Pilot Say

10 Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Airline Pilot Say:

1. "Why do you think this button is blinking?"
2. "Can't believe you won that last round of internet Scrabble!  Best 41 out of 80?"
3. "I am so hung over - it's like the whole world is spinning."
4. "I hope I remembered to close all the doors."
5. "Ever since my wife left me I've been seriously considering suicide."
6. "Don't tell anyone, but I may have exaggerated a little on my application."
7. "My wife gave me this parachute for Christmas."
8. "Look, ducks!  I'm not sure I've ever seen such an enormous flock!"
9. "Did that tower just tell us to use runway 115 or 150?"
10. "Don't worry - there's no way those snakes could ever get out of their cages."

The Best (and Worst) Television of 2010

1.  Best of 2010
1. The Wire.  A show about law enforcement so real, even law enforcement officers praised it.  What the critics - and we - loved about the show, though, was that instead of exploring the phenomenon of crime in a vacuum, the show dared to expose its roots in failed education systems, corrupt political systems, and citizens willing to be manipulated by the media into believing what others wanted them to believe.  Talk about timely.
2. Lost.  2010 was the year we lost Lost, much to the dismay of the show's legion of generally satisfied though still-puzzled fans. Wonder if Hollywood appreciated the irony: one of their most popular shows wasn't a "lowest common denominator" reality show but a vehicle that required time, attention, loyalty, and critical thinking skills.
3. Breaking Bad.  This show about a chemistry teacher turned crystal meth maker has a theme that continues to resonate in this era of Wall Street bankers gone bad: once you first compromise your ethics, the long, slow, inevitable slide towards corruption begins.
4. Mad Men.  Season 4 of our favorite show about advertising may be set in the 1960s but the show's theme remains timeless: the disconnect between perception and reality, and the ability of people to find a way to believe what they want to believe. Too bad the fashion isn't timeless too - so many gorgeously tailored suits!
5. Boardwalk Empire.  Steve Buscemi chewed scenery as Nucky Thompson, an Atlantic City crime boss coping with the upheaval of prohibition.  Would Nucky's "civilized" approach to crime - avoiding violence, exercising a paternal responsibility for his neighborhood and organization - survive the influx of blood-soaked mobsters interested only in profit?  If you didn't get it before, the show slaps you across the face with it now: laws that attempt to impose one person's morality on other people tend to end in disaster.
6. The Pacific.  Everyone agreed it wasn't "as good as" HBO's Band of Brothers, but everyone also tacitly understood why: this episode in America's warfighting history was more ambiguous, more miserable, and a whole lot more brutal. The show didn't shy away from those realities.
7. The Good Wife.  Talk about timely!  This show tells the story of a political wife humiliated by the exposure of her husband's long affair with a hooker.  But the show goes further than merely giving us the answer we've always wanted to the question Why doesn't she leave him?, providing a sophisticated courtroom/political drama-driven soap opera unlike anything I can remember in television before
2. Other Noteworthy shows of 2010
1. Modern Family
2. Human Target
3. Life Unexpected
4. Parks & Recreation
5. Friday Night Lights
3. Worst of 2010
1. Bridalplasty.  Brides compete, Survivor style, for the chance to win free plastic surgery in time to look perfect for their weddings.  Demeaning on so many levels, I stopped counting.
2. Skating with the Stars.  Can we all agree that ice skating, when not performed at the very highest levels of expertise, is simply excruciating?
3. Toddlers & Tiaras. Little girls wearing too much makeup get bawled out by their moms for blowing the talent competition or gaining weight. Appalling.
4. Teen Mom.  I've heard some say that the show is worthwhile as a cautionary tale for the teens who watch it.  I've also heard some say it's an appalling piece of exhibitionism, exploiting teens who have so little self esteem they'll seek any attention they can get - whether from boys or television producers, both of whom should know better.
4. Shows that ended in 2010
1. Lost
2. 24
3. The Wire
4. As the World Turns
5. Heroes
6. Larry King Live
7. Law & Order
8. At the Movies
5. Television Trends
1. Shows/movies about vampires (Twilight:Eclipse, Vampire Diaries, True Blood), ghosts zombies (The Walking Dead) and all things weird/supernatural (Alice in Wonderland, Inception, Fringe, Supernatural) continued to dominate.
2. NCIS/CSI/Criminal Minds/Law & Order/Castle/The Mentalist/etc. continued to populate TV Guide's list of most-watched shows, proving that we Americans still love our formulaic crime dramas.  After a hard day at work, who wants to think?
3. The popularity of reality/talent shows continued to rise, a category now populated by television shows to include:  America's Got Talent, Dancing With the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, American Idol, The Sing-Off, Live to Dance
4. Shows about cooking: Hell's Kitchen, Top ChefJamie Oliver's Food Revolution, everything on the Food Network, and anything having to do with decorating cakes
5. Comedies: clever (30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, Community), mediocre (Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother) and just plain bad (Two and a Half Men)
6. Fading Fast.
1. Glee's ratings stayed strong, but the show increasingly relied on gimmicks (guest stars; tributes to Madonna, Lady Gaga and Brittany Spears; a Rocky Horror Picture Show tribute) to keep viewer attention - never a good sign
2. Men of a Certain Age.  Got some preliminary attention due to critics falling all over it, until people actually watched and realized the show was about middle aged guys whining about being middle aged.  Who needs a show that real?
3. Desperate Housewives.  Whoever came up with the idea of shooting the show into an alternative future in which Gabriella is fat and has children should be bound, gagged, and dropped into the La Brae Tar Pits.
4. American Idol.  Don't know why people are still watching - after years of seeing mediocres win while the real talent gets voted off in preliminary rounds, isn't it time someone starts questioning the paradigm?
5. Simpsons.  Breaks my heart to put this in the "fading" category, but the edge is gone and many of the shows are starting to feel rewarmed.
7. Won't Go Away
1. Extreme Home Makeover.  Don't think I can take too many more episodes of worthy people getting dream houses while everyone in the community cheers and cries.
2. Two and a Half Men.  I can't explain why this is still on the air.  Soon their going to have to call it two and a half grandfathers.
3. Scrubs.  Young people behaving immaturely is funny; old people behaving immaturely is just embarassing.  (See Seinfeld.)
8. Television News:
1. Some television shows won Emmy Awards.
2. John Stewart & Steve Colbert flouted their popularity by staging a fake political rally at the National Mall that drew over 300,000 people - more people that the vast majority of "real" rallies manage to draw.
3. Jay Leno and Conan O'Brian engaged in some sort of unseemly and overblown conflict over The Tonight Show.
4. Bristol Palin on Dancing With the Stars proved that Americans can  be partisan about anything, even dancing.

Top Technologies of 2010 (Successes + Epic Fails)

Thought it would be fun to revisit some of the year's hottest trends, as well as some of the most notable technology failures and flops.

1.  Tablet Computers (iPad).  2010 was the year that Americans as a whole were able to finally stop sniggering about the unfortunate name of Apple's latest toy long enough to buy about 100 million of them.
2. Cloud Computing.  When you think about the progress of external storage devices over the past 20 years ...  floppy disks ->3.5" disks -> zip disks -> external hard drives -> USB drives ...  you come to realize that storing data on little droplets of water suspended in the sky was practically an inevitability.
3. 4G.  For a long time I thought 4G indicated the ability of satellites to stream data at a rate of 4Gigs/second, which would be impressive indeed.  Silly me - turns out 4G stands for "fourth generation" - in other words, it's basically just a marketing gimmick, people!  And yet, my standing outside the local Apple store shouting this at customers as they enter the store seemed to have had little impact on overall sales of 4G technology.  Sometimes you just have to let go.
4. Smartphones (iPhone 4, iTouch, Droid).  If someone has asked me 20 years ago if I needed a phone that could play my favorite Frank Sinatra tunes, tell me how long to cook meat, and help me identify birdcalls, I'm betting I would have said no.  How naive I was then.
5. Smartphone Apps.  2% are actually useful (Google Maps, Documents to Go), 2% are wicked cool (Google Sky, Google Goggles), and the remaining 94% are stupid/unnecessary. Now that I think about it, though, doesn't this 2:2:96 ratio also apply to television, movies, internet content, and Facebook posts?  Could it be I've stumbled onto a reality-defining insight, like Murphy's Law?  I've always wanted a ratio named after me! 
6. Net Neutrality.  We Americans consider uncensored, unlimited access to the internet to be sacrosanct, rather like our 2nd amendment right to bear arms.  Can you imagine the ISP or government brave enough (or suicidal enough) to attempt to control internet content or access in the U.S.?   
7. Social Networking.  Social networking is in no way a new technology, but it continued to dominate headlines in 2010 - to the extent that even a movie about social networking (Social Network, the story of the founder of Facebook) managed to dominate theaters and win awards.  By way of perspective, the movie about Nelson Mandela's life (Ivictus) came in 7th. 
8.  HDTV.  Driven by huge drops in pricing, 98% of people in the U.S. purchased massive, HD-enabled flat screen televisions in 2010, 50% of which currently reside on cheap, pasteboard television cabinets purchased from Walmart. 
9. Television/Movie Streaming.  State-of-the-art 55" plasma television = $5000.  Netflix subscription = $17/month.  Ability to watch Hotel for Dogs in the comfort of your own living room, without the risk of running into friends at the theater who might ask you what movie you're there to see = priceless.
10. Ebook Readers.  If you can make that case that it's important to have your music collection available 24/7, then can surely make the case that it's important to have your book collection available 24/7.  Notice that this is predicated on the assumption that you can make the case that it's worth large sums of $$ to be able to listen to Barry Manilow whenever and wherever you may be. 
11. Augmented Reality.  This is all about apps that take pictures and then overlay them with virtual info, like Google Goggles.  This is, I have to admit, kind of cool.
12. 3D (television, movies).  I'm expecting a correlating spike in headache-reduction technologies for 2011.  (Or perhaps I'm just bitter because, with only one working eye, the whole 3D thing is never going to happen for me - sigh.)
13. Hybrid/Electric Cars (Prius, Volt).  Would like to think growing guilt over Global Warming precipitated the rush of people purchasing fuel-efficient vehicles and electric cars.  However, I'm guessing it was the laws allowing folks with Priuses and Volts to use the HOV lanes without paying.
14. Turbines.  The UK unveiled a huge turbine farm in the middle of an ocean somewhere.  Presumably it doubles as an underwater whale obstacle course.
15. Data Mining.  As opposed to actual mining, data mining in 2010 became scary efficient.  Admit it's a little offputting that everytime I log into Facebook these days, all the ads are for stair lifts, AARP membership, and donut hole medicaid insurance plans.
16. Ubiquitous Wi-Fi Access. The day I knew wi-fi had become ubiquitous was the day I saw, proudly posted in the window of my local McDonalds, a notice proclaiming: "Wi-Fi Available Here!"  Thank goodness I have instant access to the internet so I can look up the fat content of what I'm about to eat. 
17. High-Resolution Airport Scanners.  I understand why people are offended, but ask any woman who's given birth in a large hospital if, really, they have any dignity left to preserve.

Postscript: Seems fitting, as long as we're mentioning technology successes, to list some of 2010's headline technology failures:

1. Deep water oil rigs.  Don't know about you, but I know I won't be eating shrimp for the next couple of decades.
2. Chemicals capable of diffusing/dissolving underwater oil spills.  Though ultimately ineffective, for a while there it was a good thing to own Palmolive stock
3. Terrorist explosives technology.  Notable failures in 2010 included the Times Square car bomb in May and Fedex mail bombs in October.
4. Aircraft engines. Turns out all it takes to bring them down is a little volcanic ash. (Let's hope the terrorists keep using bombs and don't switch to ash.)
5. Dow Jones trading software.  At one point in May the Dow dropped over 600 points in five minutes, apparently because of a typo.
6. Whatever software we use to generate joblessness estimates.  Because, whatever software it is that we use now, it unfailingly predicted lower rates of unemployment than later metrics were able to actually verify.
7. Mine safety technology.  Seems like every time you turned on the television in 2010, the lead story had to do with trapped miners.  On the plus side, our "rescuing trapped miners" technology must be getting better.

Top Foods of 2010 (and what they say about us as a nation!)

iVillage recently posted their list of the 25 Most Downloaded Recipes of 2010.  I found the list intriguing for the insights it seems to provide about who, what, and where we were as a nation in 2010.  Read on and see if you agree ...

1. Bacon & Cheddar Macaroni and Cheese.  Fittingly, in a year dignified by financial crisis (unemployment tops 10%), political insecurity (divisive mid-term elections), war (Afghanistan), and natural disasters (earthquake in Haiti, volcanic eruption in Iceland), the #1 most downloaded recipe was that penultimate comfort food, macaroni and cheese ... made even more comforting by the addition of bacon.  Is there anything that bacon can't make even better?
2. Wicked Good Chocolate Peanut Butter Pudding Cupcakes.  This recipe is basically the confectionary equivalent of macaroni and cheese, featuring no less than four of our favorite indulgences - chocolate, peanut butter, pudding and cake.  Also, the juxtapositioning of "wicked" and "good" adds a nice touch, for if any year could claim the title oxymoronic, it was surely 2010.
3. Slow Roasted Apples with Maple Whipped Cream.  Proving that we Americans aren't averse to eating healthy foods, as long as you pile a lot of whipped cream on them!  Other examples of "pseudo healthy foods" that enjoyed popularity in 2010: energy drinks, fortified water, sea salt, dark chocolate, pop tarts.  
4. Chicken Parmesan.  It's fast, simple, cheap, and sounds a lot more elegant/elaborate than it is: basically, our nation's vibe in a nutshell. 
5. Caramel Macchiato Cider with Cinnamon Cream.  I blame Starbucks for our continuing love affair with ridiculously complex and snobbish desserts masquerading as beverages.
6. Strawberry Puffs.  A little bit of country in the middle of a whole lot of urban.
7. Meatball Sandwiches.  A little bit of working man in the middle of a whole lot of foodie.
8. Pumpkin Risotto.  I blame cable cooking networks for this silliness.  Risotto isn't about nutrition, it's about being able to pompously announce to your peers and coworkers: "As a matter of fact, we're having pumpkin risotto tonight."
9. Horseradish and Dill Cream Cheese Mashed Potatoes.  Sounds fancy, but when you get down to it, this is just mashed potatoes with a little bit of extra taste thrown in, demonstrating that while 2010 may have been the Year of the Hispanic (immigration wars in Arizona, drug wars in Mexico, appointment of the first Hispanic woman to the Supreme Court), our country's German/Irish cultural roots still go deep.
10. Swirled Cheesecake Brownies.  2010's go-to recipe for bake sales, office parties, baby/wedding showers and wakes, because some things - like marriage, babies, death schools in need of money, and offices in need of lame team-building functions - are eternal.
11. Pumpkin Fritters.  Speaking of oxymorons, love how this recipe juxtapositions pumpkin - as wholesome a food as there is - with "fritters," a method of preparation that involves battering and deep-frying.  Is there anything we Americans can't find a way to deep-fry?
12. Oven-Baked Veggie Chips.  A dish that even our nation's unofficial Healthy Food Czar, Michelle Obama, would approve of ... and even more so if the veggies come from a garden you've cultivated in your backyard or in cooperation with a nearby elementary school.
13. Mulled Cranberry Cider.  Cranberries were one of the beneficiaries of the year's obsession with weird fruits and their potential nutritional/dietary benefits.  Other beneficiaries included pomegranates, blueberries, blood oranges, pumpkin, and tomato juice.
14. Black Bean Nachos.  Did I mention that 2010 was the year of the Hispanic?  We may not like them sneaking across our borders, but we sure love their food.
15. White Bean and Lamb Cassoulet.  In a year that featured the release of the movie Julie & Julia and a huge spike in sales of Julia Childs' The Art of French Cooking, appropriate that there should be at least one "cassoulet" on the list.
16. Iced Tea with Cider, Mint and Honey.  In case you weren't noticing, there was a definite southern bias in our choice of celebrity chefs this past year, with Paula Dean leading the charge.  Even McDonalds took note of the trend, launching sweet tea as a permanent menu item nationwide.
17. Mozzarella-Stuffed Turkey Burgers.  As people continue to process the fact that red meat is basically bad for you in every possible way, turkey experienced a sort of resurgence in 2010.  Some fast-food restaurants even test-marketed turkey burgers as a menu item.
18. Spicy Oven-Fried Chicken.  America's response in 2010 to discovering that basically everything we enjoy eating is bad for us? Don't change what you eat, just change how you prepare it!  This was certainly the message proselytized by the television show The Biggest Loser and diet programs such as Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers.  True - we're now a nation of hypocrites, pretending that oven-fried chicken tastes as good as pan friend chicken, even though we all know it isn't so.  But at least we're skinnier hypocrites. 
19. Sausage and Spaghetti Squash Soup.  Sounds suspiciously like one of those recipes that David Oliver and his fellow celebrity chefs spent the past year trying to foist on school food services, laboring under the mistaken impression that if the name of the recipe includes "sausage" and "spaghetti", school kids won't notice that they're actually eating squash.
20. Grilled Sourdough Pizza with Tomato Pesto.  Fancy pizza isn't a new idea - the California Pizza Kitchen chain has sprawled as far as Virginia these days.  However, new in 2010 was a general upwelling of protest against really gross, tasteless pizza - enough of an upwelling that even Dominos Pizza had finally to relent and start using actual dough (instead of cardboard) in their version.  No longer are Americans satisfied with a huge amount of food for $5 ... now we expect it to be palatable as well!
21. Ina Garten's Herb-Roasted Turkey Breast.  Appropriate that at least one entre from the kitchen of the "Barefoot Countessa" should make the list.  (Weren't we just talking about oxymorons?)  She's the celebrity chef that gives all the foodies hope that they, too, may one day achieve fame and fortune - no formal training, no off-putting pretension (she cooks in an authentic faux barn!), and (best of all) no intimidatingly skinny waistline.
22. Maple-Mustard Pork Loin with Roasted Potatoes.  Touted as the perfect headliner for a gluten-free feast and demonstrating that, in 2010, people were still blaming gluten for everything from hyperactivity to autism.
23. Butternut Squash Tostadas.  A vegetarian entre, and therefore an appropriate entre for a year in which the news obsessed about locavorism, organic foods, canning, pickling, Pioneer cooking, and subsistence gardening.
24. Sticky Pecan Bites.  Just the thing to sustain you for another long day of standing in line at the local employment office.
25. Baked Breaded Eggplant with Marinara.  Eggplant?  Seriously?  I think the folks at iVillage threw this one in just to see if we were paying attention.  No matter how bad 2010 was, I just don't see Americans ever embracing eggplant. 

Postscript: Almost as fun as analyzing what's on the list is analyzing what didn't make the list; notably ...

1. Egg dishes. (Remember that big salmonella recall in August?)
2. Seafood. (No need to add oil when frying your fish - BP has done it for you!)
3. McRib sandwiches.  (Nothing good can come from knowing what's in them.)

30+ Categories of Sweet Desserts

According to scientists, our tongues can distinguish five types of tastes: pungent (acrid), sweet, sour, bitter, and salty.  In honor of the holidays, which is all about sweet foods, following is a list of some of my favorite go-to treats - a useful list in case you're trying to figure out what to prepare for dessert!

1. Brownies.  Nothing wrong with a basic chocolate brownie, though these days the fashion seems to be "fancying" them up by adding caramel, nuts, or flavored chips (mint, raspberry)
2. Butterscotch.   Like caramel, butterscotch can be fashioned into a delicious buttery candy or used as an ingredient in candy bars, cakes, or pies.
3. Cakes: So many delicious choices, I've devoted a whole blog entry to them!
4. Candies-chocolate.   Turns out pretty much anything tastes delicious if you coat it in chocolate! This category includes everything from m&ms to bon bons and truffles.
5. Candies-hard. Includes lollipops, lemon drops, peppermints, rock candy, ribbon candy, and candy canes
6. Caramel.  Available as a candy, but more commonly encountered as an ingredient in other sweets.  Without caramel there would be no toffees, no flans, no caramel chocolate bars, no caramel sauce for ice cream or caramel glaze for cakes; no caramel apples; and (say it isn't so) no caramel corn! 
7. Cheesecake. Top your basic cheesecake with fruit; or, add ingredients to the batter (chocolate, pumpkin, berries, lemon/lime, mocha, peanut butter) to create different varieties
8. Chewing Gum.   Includes regular chewing gums and bubble gum
9. Chocolate: dark chocolate, milk chocolate, white chocolate ... need I say more?
10. Cookies: Includes American cookies, English biscuits, wafers, animal crackers, biscotti, macaroons, gingerbread, and shortbreads.
11. Cotton candy.  Airy, flossy, sugary goodness!
12. Drinks - novelty.  Since the beginning of time people have been creating sweet novelty drinks, often by combining sugar, alcohol, and other ingredients into concoctions such as mulled wine, eggnog, or mead; today, we tend to call them "cocktails." Other sugary novelty drinks include flavored milk, lemonade, and artificial "fruit" drinks like cool-aid.
13. Drinks - soda.  Sodas deserve their own category, if only because they are such a dominant source of sugar in our everyday diets!  Today we have Coke and Pepsi but even during the civil war people enjoyed sarsaparilla.
14. Frostings/glazes.  Though one tends to think of your basic royal icing or fondant when talking about frosting, delicious sweet toppings can also be crafted out of cream cheese, marshmallow, caramel, and a variety of fruits.
15. Frozen treats:  Includes popsicles, snow cones, gelato, and sherbet
16. Frozen Milk treats: Includes ice cream in all its forms: bars, cones, pints, cakes, and milkshakes
17. Fruits:  Nature's original dessert!  This category includes raw fruits, poached fruits, dried/candied fruits, fruit smoothies, jellies, jams, and fruit juices.
18. Fudge. Like brownies, fudge is delicious plain but is also available in dozens of flavors.
19. Gelatin.  Includes gelatins like jello; also licorice and gelatin-based "gummy" candies (gummy bears, jellybeans)
20. Honey: Honey-based treats include challah, baklava, and candy corn; also, by the way, it can also be fermented to create a yummy alcohol generally called mead!
21. Liquors.  Given that alcohol is nothing more than fermented plant sugar, the wide array of sweet liquors available shouldn't be surprising.  Some of these include: Amareto, Kahlua, creme de cacao, Frangelico, and Grand Marnier
22. Marshmallow.  An essential ingredient in rice crispy squares, s'mores, and peeps.
23. Marzipan.  Marzipan, a dough made from almond flour (or sometimes other sweetmeat flour), can be shaped into cookies or works as a filling for chocolate candies.
24. Meringue. Meringue, a confection created by whipping egg whites until they turn into a froth, are great alone or topped with fruit.
25. Milk Products (lactose): Turns out adding sugar to milk products = fabulous!  Sweet butters and creams are the foundation of any number of delicious treats.
26. Molasses: Used in some spice cookies; also adds the "sweet" to many barbeque sauces and baked bean recipes. 
27. Nectar. One word: honeysuckle!  It may not be a major ingredient in anything, but if summer had a taste, it would be honeysuckle.
28. Pastries.  Includes doughnuts, beignets, napoleons, strudels, baklavas, croissants, fritters, eclairs, danishes, and turnovers
29. Pies/Cobblers/tarts: Includes pies, cobblers, and tarts.
30. Puddings/mousses/custards:  Includes American puddings (vanilla, chocolate, tapioca); thicker British puddings (plum pudding, etc.); mousses (basically, frothy puddings); and custards like crème Brule, blancmange, and flange
31. Relishes/chutneys/salsas.  Though we typically think of relishes as salty, delicious fruit relishes and chutneys are excellent spread on bread or served with meats.
32. Sauces/syrups. Sauces (ex: chocolate sauce, raspberry sauce) and syrups (corn, maple, blueberry) typically aren't served alone but add plenty of sweet when poured over breads, puddings, or ice cream.
33. Sweet Breads: In this category I'm including breads as well as breads with yummy things rolled into them: sweet rolls, cinnamon rolls, panettone, funnel cake, muffins, rugelach, and jellyrolls/yule logs all fit into this category
34. Sweetmeats: "Sweetmeats" is an old term for nuts: walnuts, pecans, peanuts, pistachios, poppy seeds, etc.  Eat them raw as snacks or use them as ingredients with other sweetables like cakes, pies, brittles, or candies
35. Taffies/nougats.  A category of extremely chewy treats - delicious but hard on the teeth!
36. Truffles.  A delicious combination of cake, pudding, and fruit - often with a sauce or topping thrown in!
37. Wines.  Several varieties of wine are known for their sweetness, including Rieslings, gewurtstrameners, and sauternes.